Day 27 Question to Ponder

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  How is journaling working for you? What techniques do you find most effective? Do you think you are avoiding any specific technique or issue?
  
  I think journaling has proved very helpful for me, not for unearthing deeply repressed feelings but making me aware of the full Depth of some of the feeings I was aware existed but at levels I didn't really understand.
  
  Do you think you are avoiding any specific technique?
  
  Yes - I can't get into the dialogue method so I just don't do it
  
  Or issue? - this is the big one for me. I am totally avoiding one issue because it's an ongoing problem and the only person who can provide a solution is me. But doing so is unbelievably overwhelming for me. I moved to the US from the UK almost 11 years ago. For the past 5 all I've wanted is to move back. For a number of reasons that has not been possible but there is an opportunity that might make it possible the middle of next year (please, no practical advice on how to make it happen etc, I know everything and have been over everything and every option etc more times than I can remember). Well, two months ago we move from CO to VA and now my kids, who were born in CO really don't want to move to England, they want to move back to CO. Our quality of life in the US ar exceeds anything we could have in the UK. Plus I just don't think I could live in commuting distance of my mother who is the primary cause of my TMS. But I miss home and my sister and my grandmother. I miss the cold. But I miss my CO friends too. This has created so many emotions in me over the past five years and even more so now that there's an actual chance to move home that I'm absolutely scared to open that Pandora's box of emotions. I've already dealt with aspects of it that I believe were very closely linked with the onset of my debilitating pain (purchasing a house in CO and thereby giving up the chance to move back to the UK two years ago - of course we just moved so we sold the house and now have other opportunities I couldn't foresee then). So, I'm sure you can see, I really need to tackle the emotions behind this major issue, but I really just don't know where to start. Moreover it is hard to disentangle my thoughts and thought processes (pros and cons lists etc) from my actual feeings.
  
  

 

Hi JacketSpud,

You might try following one strand, such as your longing to go back to UK and list the reasons you want to. Just that piece. Then sense into your body, and write what kind of feelings come up. Be gentle with yourself as you reveal more.

Then pick another part of the puzzle, and inquire about that piece. With so many thoughts, feelings, and conflicts it is confusing! So we can just be patient and understand that each part has a right to exist, and that all the parts don't have to blend into one answer or decision...

You can take even less at a time, like how you like to spend time with your grandmother, being specific about your feelings when you are around her, and what it is like to be so far away. You can hold yourself in each feeling.

Andy B.

 

Thank you. Your ideas are exactly right. There are so many parts to this one issue that it's more like a spiderweb of emotions.