My pain hasn't moved much. It has been pretty consistently sciatic pain... except once.
Let me preface this by saying I am dealing with very large issues and I am in a lot of therapy right now. I was the victim of a horrible violent crime in January and I have PTSD. I did not start to really address these issues until I started this program and reading the Sarno book two weeks ago, but I was already in therapy building a safe and supportive relationship with a specialist in what I was dealing with.
A few days ago I was seeing some improvements as I uncovered horrifying repressed childhood memories of abuse and then began to address them. When I remembered them I also remembered that I had remembered one of them before and it was too much to bear at the time, so I did what I could to forget it. I was successful. And then my back went out for the first time and I had a sciatic flare up. This was 16 years ago. I was 20 years old. Clearly my brain was working to keep me from exploring these painful memories.
When I made this connection, I felt a sharp pain in my neck and shoulder - which is decidedly not an area affected by sciatica. I said, "No way brain! Wrong spot!" I went and shared the connection and how my body reacted to it with my husband and we both shook our heads and laughed at my brain's attempt to keep me from moving forward.
Since I began to address both my present and past traumas symptoms ebb and flow but with a steady motion toward disappearing. I am back to exercising with weight everyday. I know Sarno recommends jumping right back in, but I am not emotionally prepared to deal with the extreme nature of powerlifting and olympic lifting. These sports require an ability to remain focused and present in a manner that I am not ready for psychologically. And dropping 100 pounds on my head or neck will cause an injury that is not TMS in nature. The pain is an indicator that I still have emotional work to do before I can return to these sports safely.
So that's my story.
Let me preface this by saying I am dealing with very large issues and I am in a lot of therapy right now. I was the victim of a horrible violent crime in January and I have PTSD. I did not start to really address these issues until I started this program and reading the Sarno book two weeks ago, but I was already in therapy building a safe and supportive relationship with a specialist in what I was dealing with.
A few days ago I was seeing some improvements as I uncovered horrifying repressed childhood memories of abuse and then began to address them. When I remembered them I also remembered that I had remembered one of them before and it was too much to bear at the time, so I did what I could to forget it. I was successful. And then my back went out for the first time and I had a sciatic flare up. This was 16 years ago. I was 20 years old. Clearly my brain was working to keep me from exploring these painful memories.
When I made this connection, I felt a sharp pain in my neck and shoulder - which is decidedly not an area affected by sciatica. I said, "No way brain! Wrong spot!" I went and shared the connection and how my body reacted to it with my husband and we both shook our heads and laughed at my brain's attempt to keep me from moving forward.
Since I began to address both my present and past traumas symptoms ebb and flow but with a steady motion toward disappearing. I am back to exercising with weight everyday. I know Sarno recommends jumping right back in, but I am not emotionally prepared to deal with the extreme nature of powerlifting and olympic lifting. These sports require an ability to remain focused and present in a manner that I am not ready for psychologically. And dropping 100 pounds on my head or neck will cause an injury that is not TMS in nature. The pain is an indicator that I still have emotional work to do before I can return to these sports safely.
So that's my story.
