Last night I was desperate...the pain was blatting away and I was full of the usual fear and frustration such a flare up always brings. Over the last couple of weeks whilst this flare was taking hold I was doing a variety of things...meditating, thinking psychological, trying guided imagery, reading all the TMS sources and of course coming on here, posting in pain and panic and spending hours and hours reading over old posts in the hope something would resonate and help once and for all. Now, I know some of these behaviours are good and that some are counter productive but the point I noticed was that when the pain got bad I immediately defaulted to the 'problem solving' mindset. When I thought about this and the period before my current flare up, when all was quite stable and manageable I thought about what behaviours and actions I was doing that I know I should be doing to attempt to quell TMS and the bottom line was that if I was totally honest with myself I was doing nothing...I was thinking acting and doing exactly the same way I always had. I think that is the problem for me in so many ways. When I am not on a flare TMS is always on my mind as a back burner issue but because the pain isn't crippling I just seem to live with it...the thing is I'm actually hearing it every single day BUT and I'm suspecting this may be crucial I'm not actually listening to it or acting upon it. I think that because the idea of having to ignore the TMS symptoms as best we can is such an entrenched idea this can cause an issue as ignoring them is all well and good but ignoring them whilst plodding along generating the same tensions and internal stress doesn't seem to really solve anything. I can't help but think that maybe in such circumstances TMS will have no option but to shout louder. It appears to me that really my issue has now developed into the stage of constantly chasing my tail and putting out the fires of painful flares. The thing is when I'm on a flare of pain I am very present minded with it and 'assume' that the flare is there due to a present moment issue...I rack my mind trying to think of what could be going on at that moment that has generated this pain but fail to recognise what has predated that flare which is probably a couple of months of low level discomfort during which I've bumbled along totally failing to address any issues as I'm sort of feeling OK. I suppose what I'm getting at (yep, in a long winded fashion) is that I'm understanding that dedication and consistency is probably a far far more important factor in all of this and until I actually apply clean thinking and mindfulness into my life as a daily habit rather than just blindly forcing it on me during a pain flare then nothing will change. Just as a brief aside...last night I unearthed some diazepam (10mg) which had been prescribed to me for anxiety a while back, I had never actually taken this. Pretty much in desperation I took just the 10mg and found that it did chill me out a touch (as I suppose its supposed to) what I have found rather interesting is that I seemed to sleep incredibly well last night and woke with probably an 80% reduction in pain. It was actually quite strange to wake with pretty much zero leg pain...I've been up for about 4 hours now and the difference in pain between yesterday and today is pretty much night and day. I realise that Diazepam is also a muscle relaxant so I'm not sure if this is a coincident or not. What is weird though is that whilst I never really have sleep problems (other than often getting weird dreams) when I woke this morning it almost felt like my sleep had been different in some way...almost like deeper or more refreshing. This is quite interesting as it is actually quite common for my flares to see to come on over night....like I can go to bed with back burner discomfort and then wake on a painful flare, this does make me wonder if that there is something going on in my subconscious whilst I sleep that contributes to this. Anyway, apologies for the long rambling post and thanks for sticking with it if you did. Any thoughts or opinions grateful received.