Day 3 Psychotherapist

[Hugh]

I had and appointment with my psychotherapist tonight and found myself getting anxious about his office. I started worrying about where I would sit and the aversion that I have developed against couches, especially since last time I went I sat on the couch and my back started stinging and tingling. I found myself struggling in my seat at work trying to wiggle my way out of going tonight, and found my back getting more tense as I thought about it more. . . then I thought psychological. I realized that I didn't want to go because last time I went I was stressed out and didn't speak my mind the whole time. I felt somewhat run over by questions because I had just wanted to revert back and not speak to anyone.

I ended up going and went in with an attitude of saying what was on my mind. My best session yet. I clearly portrayed what I wanted to talk about, stress and anxiety of a couple situations in particular, and we talked through them. I even sat on the couch the whole time. My back has been tingling more the past couple days from pushing it, but I'm continuing to do more physical activity. I even slept on my side for the first time in 2 years without fear.

In response to the day 3 SEP: I have been increasing my physical activity over the past month by doing elliptical, stretches, and a couple core exercises for thirty minutes every other day. I nearly cried due to fear in the doctor's office when he was pushing me to start exercising again. The past two times I have stepped up my elliptical even more, and I plan on doing the same tomorrow despite the tingling in my back.

 

[Forest]

Hi Hugh and Welcome to the Peer Network,

I love this post! It is so great to see that you were able to overcome your fear and always think psychologically. From reading this one post I can tell that you are on the right path. One of the hardest parts of recovering is overcoming our fear. Part of this involves being physically active, which it sounds like you are doing, but another part of this is doing things we avoided such as sitting on a couch. I had to overcome a similar situation with overcoming my fear of typing and sitting at a computer desk. I had the same obsessive thoughts that you had about what my posture was, what angle I used when looking down at the computer, how long have I been typing. Of course, this obssession is just conditioning us to have pain. It can always be scary to do that one thing we avoided for so long, and it is great that you were able to do it.

I can also relate to the feeling of having anxiety about seeing a therapist. For me, it was primiarly due to my feelings that they didn't really listen to what I had to say. I felt like I was never really in control of the session. Of course, part of this was probably just due to my resistance to exploring my emotions and opening up. With our TMS personality we don't really express our emotions, and so when a therapist pushes us to tap into our emotions our egos find it extremely threatening, hence why a lot of people with TMS have some resistance to therapy. The fact that you are were able to identify where your anxiety came from and change how you handled the therapy session is a great sign that you are on your way to recovery.

It is great that to hear of the progress you are making. Thinking psychologically and increasing physical activity is a great path to recovery. Keep it up!

 

[Hugh]

Oh that is so great to hear! I have felt that I am on the right track, but the affirmation and encouragement helps all the more. It hit me while reading your post that I do in fact have a hard time opening up to people, and can often feel attacked when people ask questions of me. . . especially if it is about how I feel about a situation I don't want to think about. Just another thing to start journaling about.

 

[Forest]

A lot of it is just how the TMS personality works. Remember we develop symptoms because we repress emotions. When someone asks us how we feel we become uncomfortable because it threatens our ego. Simply understanding that this is happening can be enough to move past it and reduce the effect our personality has on our symptoms.