proud of myself, but also so sad

I think this is a sign I am starting to really accept the TMS diagnosis. Today I went for a 20 minute "fast walk" in the park. Slower seems to hurt more. I wanted air and exercise. I listened to upbeat music and for a few moments, my mind was off the pain, so I wasn't feeling it. I pushed through and it felt good (emotionally if not physically).
I even jogged a few feet to say "i can do this". It hurt more than walking. I haven't run in years (after what I now think may have been a TMS knee thing). One day I'd like to again.
Of course, my mind says, you shouldn't have run. Though the pain is no worse now than it was before my walk.
I'm going through some pretty rough stuff right now, and I can't say it's been the easiest life overall either. I dont want to be wallowing, but I feel so sad and think, its not fair how hard things have always been.Or when they are good, then they tank eventually. I don't want to wallow, but I'm so sad and scared.

 

sounds like you are doing more to push forward than wallow, which is great........I swear the mental part of it is worse than the physical, at least for me. note that your mind was off the pain for a bit and you weren't feelnig it........that should tell you something. My pain/symptoms are always much worse when I focus on them. I think my brain really likes it when I do that!

 

Rabbit, sounds to me like you might be dealing with some depression…not an unusual thing for a TMSer. But I also hear someone who's willing to move forward and heal and this is a wonderful thing. The fact the pain wasn't worse afterwards…yay! That's good evidence for TMS right there.

I'm sorry you're going through some hard stuff right now. And yeah…sometimes I wonder why some folks seem to skate through life while some of us seem to get more than our share of difficulties. And no, dammit, it just ain't fair!

You are not alone my friend. There's so many things I could tell you…the value of journaling…practicing gratitude (this is a POWERFUL tool that keeps me from slumping into depression, btw)…exercise (which you already know)…or spend time with a trusted friend.

More than anything thing, I just want you to know - you're not alone. There's many loving and supportive people here who have been where you're at right now. And we're good listeners too, so feel free to share more. You've landed in a safe place here.

Sending you a hug...

 

Mdh and North Star, thank you. Yes, indeed, there is depression and anxiety...
I feel that hug. And I feel safe here too.

 

Glad to hear that, Rabbit.