1. Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this updated link: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/
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Day 10 Progress update

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by c90danwaiel, Oct 21, 2016.

  1. c90danwaiel

    c90danwaiel Peer Supporter

    Hi all,

    I'm on day 10 of the SEP and for today's post, it asks for an update on how things are going. I'm hesitant to write this, because I'm afraid to jinx it, but today, I've had the least painful day I've had in at least 6 weeks. Maybe even for 2 months, back when I had a placebo cure from physical therapy and a 90% reduction in symptoms. I'd say my pain today has been about 70-80% than my average before I heard about TMS.

    That being said, I'm still gearing myself emotionally for a future flare-up, and I know this could be some early successes in what could be a long journey. I know those can occur and so I'm doing my best to stay outcome independent.

    Whatever my pain level, I think the SEP has helped me immensely in helping me to focus my attention on life and not on the pain. Knowing 100% for sure this is TMS has allowed me to let go of the fear and anxiety, and with that, the pain is losing it's attention on my life. It's quit becoming this major central feature of my life that constantly demands my attention - and is more an annoying background feature. One of the most helpful things I heard starting off was that you have to learn how to be happy with the pain, instead of waiting for the pain to go away to be happy. I feel like I'm getting there.

    This morning, I woke up not thinking about my pain. Last night, I fell asleep not thinking about my pain. I've ridden my bike 30 miles in the past week. I've driven a few hundred miles without sitting on a donut cushion. I can't remember the day I last took any muscle relaxers for pain. That all feels huge. Earlier this month, I was curled on my bed in the fetal position, crying my eyes out, and now, I'm riding my bike. (I may be riding my bike in rainy weather and I may have gained 20 lbs. since the summer, but I'm riding my bike again!)

    This may say strange, but through all of this, I can't help but feel grateful for having developed severe OCD in my early childhood years. I know OCD and TMS can go together. Having gone through hell as an 11 year old, and spent months fighting obsessive thoughts using cognitive behavioral therapy, I feel confident taking this on. I've fought long, difficult battles for my psychological health before, and I know I can do this. I've fought similar battles before and won.

    I do still have some lingering doubts and definitely some struggles. I'm 100% convinced this is TMS, but I do wonder if journaling will help the pain, or if just ignoring the pain and breaking the pain cycle will do the trick. I've kept up with the journaling though, and my pain has simultaneously gone down, so I'm beginning to believe there might be a link (and I have no intentions of stopping). It may not be a direct link - I haven't had any insights that caused my pain to drop 50% at once, but I'm prepared to see this as a gradual thing. Maybe it'll be more a of a gradual getting in touch with my emotions rather than unearthing a particular repressed emotion, followed by instant resolution.

    The other main struggle is migrating symptoms. I'm having what feels like tendonitis in my left foot. I know it isn't tendonitis, because you don't get suddenly tendonitis 2 days after walking 2 miles, when you're able to hike 5 miles easily. Tendonitis also doesn't go away when you tell it is not real, nor get better the more you walk on the affected area. Nor does it switch feet when you wake up in the morning and forget which foot it's in, nor come back right after you think about it. So that's been a little bit of a struggle. Not a huge one, but once I've had to wince through a few times.
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2016
    JanAtheCPA likes this.
  2. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Dan. I'm very glad to read your good news. TMS belief and journaling are making you feel better than in a long time.

    TMS healing is a gradual thing for most people. I hope you can drive those "inner bully" thoughts out of your head that pain may go away but come back. Think positive... that you are going to be well and stay well.
  3. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Thank for making me laugh out loud - not just with humor, but also with joy for you :joyful:
    c90danwaiel likes this.
  4. Gigi

    Gigi Well known member

    Wonderful! Congrats on your progress!
    c90danwaiel likes this.
  5. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    You are doing it!! Even if you happen to get a setback, you can always keep reading this post to remind yourself of the irrefutable breakthroughs you've had. This knowledge can and will go deeper and deeper into you, which hastens the "cure."
    c90danwaiel likes this.
  6. c90danwaiel

    c90danwaiel Peer Supporter

    Thanks for all the replies and kind and helpful words! Things are still going really well. I'd say my pain is still around 70% better than it was (not counting my new foot pain). It's still more of an annoyance, and I'm confident with time that will subside. But still staying outcome independent, of course.

    I'm building up a new evidence list for my foot pain, and I'm now almost entirely convinced it's TMS now. Got myself to walk 45 minutes on a treadmill today and it felt better afterwards, so I think I'm making progress on that one. Crazy to think, it's been a little over two weeks since I found out about TMS, and about a week with serious pain relief. Life is good again! I have my life back again. Even if my pain flares up, I'll still be able to live my life free from the fear that something physical is wrong with me and free from the fear that recover isn't possible, because I know it is.
    Gigi and JanAtheCPA like this.

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