Day 10 Progress update - pain in new places

[butterfly]

Hi

Well I seemed to get a few migraine free days again when I started the SEP, then wham, they hit me again as bad as ever, with extra troubles thrown in for good measure. I’m thinking it could be ‘extinction burst’ I think someone called it. I’ve got pain in so many places now its seems ridiculous, as though my subconscious is really panicking! Very painful right elbow, both shoulders painful and clicky when I move them. Neck feels really tight, and I badly ‘twanged’ it recently. And my Achilles tendon, which has caused me problems on and off for a few years, it at its worst at the moment, for no apparent reason. It feels a like every part of my body has tensed up, possibly at the thought of facing my innermost feelings. Hmmm.

I’ve also got a very stressful few weeks ahead, as I’m planning to visit my parents for the first time since a really traumatic event at their house. I can practically hear my inner child screaming and crying ‘don’t make me go there again’. But I feel like I have no choice, and I need to do it. I’m trying to think of ways to protect myself from the stress while I’m there. I’m going to journal about it, and really try to understand and forgive. Meanwhile my subconscious seems to be busy coming up with physical reasons to prevent me from making the trip. Most things I can still travel with, but the last couple of days I’ve had episodes of dizziness following a migraine which is new for me, and would make it really hard to travel. Clever TMS!

So that’s where I am. Slowing (very slowly) plodding through the SEP, definitely not giving up this time. Inspired by people further along their journey who are getting better.

Butterfly

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Butterfly. I'm not a TMS "doctor", just someone whose severe back pain went away
after I learned about TMS and did some journaling to discover the cause of the pain was
not structural but from repressed emotions that went back to my childhood when my parents divorced.
It left me feeling insecure. Journaling helped me to realize that my parents divorced for economic reasons
and also that they had they own TMS from their childhoods and adult life. That led me to understanding them
better and forgiving them, and then my pain went away.

Your pains have moved around and new ones came on because of worrying about visiting your parents.
You need to resolve those worries in order to heal.
The Structural Education Program will help you to do this.

Migraine headaches and dizziness are all part of what the subconscious is doing to you so that you will
work on your problems with your parents.

I see it that you have some choices right now. Either bite the bullet and go ahead with the visit,
or wait until you feel some pain relief in the SEP, or until you finish it. You could delay the visit
by fibbing that you have the flu. Who cares if they don't believe you.

Troubled relationships often are the cause of TMS pain. Marriages, children, divorce, friends. Journaling
about it all can lead to ending your pain. If you can forgive, that's perhaps the best way to heal.

In either case, don't worry. You're going to heal totally, if you believe 100 percent in TMS causing your pain
and follow the SEP steps to heal.

Journaling can help you to think about your parents and why you have problems with them. They may
have their own TMS, like mine had theirs.

 

[Lizzy]

Butterfly,
I and my brother would get physical symptoms when we visited our parents. This is probably more common than people want to admit, which makes it worse. Now that we know about mindbody syndrome we are ahead of the game.

Walt as always has good advice. My parents have TMS stuff too.

As Walt said, you can choose what to do. That is important. Your sub-c wants to protect you, maybe you can talk to it or journal about ways you will do that while you visit. You are able, and you want your sub-c to know it. Reassure it you will keep yourself safe and tell it how you will do it. Hope is here! You can be fine!

 

[butterfly]

Thank you so much Walt and Lizzy, both really helpful replies. Especially about it being my choice. You’re right, once I look at it like that I feel much stronger. I have decided to go ahead with the trip, and will make sure I look after myself and my sub-c as much as I can. I’ve already started to journal about it, and am starting to feel calmer about it. I’ve tried to think about the reasons for not wanting to go – there are many, but the main one is I’m worried that being there again will trigger difficult memories and feelings. I’m hoping that by writing about it beforehand, I will have already worked through a lot of my painful feelings, so that will take the ‘sting’ out of it when I get there.

As for forgiving my parents, I don’t think I’m there yet, but continue to try. My childhood was overshadowed by their terrifying violent arguments, which continued as I grew up. I eventually managed to distance myself from them (physically and emotionally) but have always felt unable to step out of their lives completely, even though I often feel tempted. My brother died in his twenties, so I’m all they have. And I can’t deny them seeing my children, even though most visits end up with some kind of upset. My brothers illness, and finally losing him was obviously a big factor in their problems, and part of why I try to understand why they couldn’t cope. I’d never really thought about their early lives, but I think they did both have a tough childhood too.

Thanks again for your encouraging words, much appreciated.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi again, Butterfly. You're doing great thinking or journaling about your parents.
And yes, they probably had their own TMS repressed emotions and pain.

Bringing up your childhood repressed emotions can be emotional, but don't worry
they will trigger pain or other anxieties. It's all part of the TMS healing process.

Once you do the digging and find the repressed emotions, you can cover the hole
and be healthier and happier than you ever thought possible.