Progress and Insights

Things are going better for me which is really exciting. I'm a professional guitarist with RSI symptoms.

I was able to play at about 90% of my playing abilities this past weekend which is really great. I have a challenging situation in that when I work I play a 4 1/2 hr gig, two nights in a row, so I'm not really able to set small goals, I'm hired to play the full gig, which can bring up fear, over thinking, crazy inner dialogue etc.

One powerful insight for me is a quote from Dr. Sarno, "In the long run, fear and preoccupation with physical restrictions are more effective as a psychological defense than pain."

I've had problems in the past with anxiety, and when I had to take off work earlier this year I was very fearful, with panic attacks, obsessive thinking, many crazy thoughts going through this mind!

As I started trying to apply TMS diagnosis and treatment to my situation I didn't include the fear as a huge component of my symptoms, I was looking only for repressed emotions etc. which I have my share of by the way

Lately I've been working on accepting all the emotions and feelings that come and go, with compassion for myself. The goal for me is not to be symptom free, which of course I would love, but rather to stay positive and realize that this is all psychological, not physical.

I don't do that perfectly yet either. There are still times when I can buy into compelling reasons why it seems that this, is at least in part, physical. I've definitely read that I have to be able to accept this 100% for total healing. I want that to happen, but part of this post is to encourage others like me that progress can still be made even when we don't do it perfectly. If I did it perfectly I'd be feeding my perfectionism. (another subject I'm an expert on!)

One book that has helped me a lot is Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. There are also a series of meditations that she sells which are excellent.

I'm also very grateful for this forum. It's been a real blessing to find this site and see how others are dealing with the same type of problems. Thanks.

 

Msunn,
Your post is so well said, and so inspiring. Thanks for sharing your insights.

 

Thanks Ellen, I've gotten a lot out of your posts as well. When I was trying all the treatments that didn't help, I felt lost and helpless.
When I found this forum it was a feeling of comfort and being in the right place.

 

I suffered panic attacks and catastrophic thinking for years (still do a bit if catastrophic thinking but i'm working on it!) I wish I had known about Claire Weekes then - saw her videos on Youtube the other day - she is brilliant. So down to earth and unflappable - despite suffering herself! If it helps i think it is a phase we go through when we are overwhelmed by our repressed emotions AND felt emotions, and maybe life situation as well. If we can simplify life a bit and be kinder to ourselves I think - together with Claires ideas, that it would be easier to get over - much easier than the Drs 'take this pills' approach! (I drank gallons of rescue remedy then!) As a performer you have a lot of pressures that come part and parcel of the job - but the flipside is that you get the appreciation and instant feedback of the audience. It's something to keep in mind and be proud of - that you are giving people such pleasure and happiness!

 

Thanks for your input hecate, very well said. I have listened to a few of Clair Weekes segments on you tube and thought they were really good. I have a book of hers in line to read, I've been slowly getting through The Great Pain Deception right now, and really have gotten a lot of out that book. I like your point of being kinder to ourselves. I find that works better for me personally than screaming at my subconscious mind, which seems to work for others. Nice to connect with you here.

 

Screaming at my mind hasn't worked for me either. I have doing it for years and it has brought me nothing but further pain. However there are people who have found this strategy immensely helpful. Whatever works for you, do more of it. As Andrew Miller said in his interview with Forest, take what you want and leave the rest.

 

Yes yb44 I have heard that getting angry and screaming at the subconscious works great for some. I think for me it may just increase anxiety, and feeling fragmented etc. Finding this forum has helped a lot, especially realizing that for many of us it takes a while for the healing to happen. Thanks for your input.