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Day 22 Progress and getting ill

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by Porpoise, Jul 22, 2014.

  1. Porpoise

    Porpoise Peer Supporter

    OK, so this is officially Day 22 for me, and there has been both progress and stuff that I’m not sure how to negotiate.

    For the last few weeks, I’ve been continuing to journal and try to fit together the jigsaw puzzle of my life. I've also continued to make some progress with my fear of walking and the pain and malaise that comes afterwards for me, doing subtly more whenever I can (subtly, because I I’m still struggling with the fear – but making progress). In the meantime, a few weeks ago I developed a cold. My cold turned into a stubborn cough and hoarseness, with a slight asthmatic feeling with some trouble breathing.

    Now I was aware that this illness was TMS-related. I should mention that where I live, in the Southern Hemisphere, it’s winter, and colds are everywhere – but of course the timing is significant. I knew I’d been making some progress with my fear, so 'it' was looking for another distraction. (I should explain that my fibromyalgia pain hadn’t disappeared – I've just sick on top of it.) I also felt sure that this illness was related to the fact that I had suffered from asthma as a child - in fact, I’d had quite a bit of illness in my childhood - and I’d been doing a lot of reflection about it.

    Also, I became aware that I was angry about some stuff happening at work. I was going to take leave (take a holiday) and cancelled when I realised other people would be away too. I felt I’d been ‘left holding the baby' to some extent. I developed an infection and went on antibiotics. I was in a dilemma about how to regard and react to the illness I’d developed: Should I take it as a sign that I needed I needed some time off work to rest, or would that be just feeding into the TMS strategy? Interestingly, this conflict was almost as stressful as the illness itself.

    I did end up taking some time off work and resting, but the infection didn’t improve. I didn’t want to ‘baby’ the infection that I thought must be TMS-based, and I also felt responsible for work that had a tight deadline, so with more antibiotics and cortisone, I went back to work, but I still had a hacking cough and breathlessness. It was hard to talk. It now turns out that I’ve got a touch of pneumonia – not the really awful sort that puts you into bed, but a small patch on one of my lungs.

    I’m aware that this must be related to my TMS, but the physical symptoms of pneumonia are potentially dangerous, so I’m assuming that it wouldn’t be a good idea to ignore it in the sense of not taking attending to it. So I'm home for two weeks and taking two sorts of antibiotics. However, I do intend to ignore it in the sense that I’m continuing to ‘think psychologically’, to journal, and to continue to try to walk more around the house and the other stuff I was doing. I appear to have a ‘mild’ version of pneumonia and thankfully am not stuck in bed.

    Interesting metaphors: I find it hard to stand my ground (walk, move) and now I’m having trouble finding and maintaining my voice!

    There's a genuinely intriguing aspect to the way this is playing out, but all the same, this whole episode is making me anxious. If my psyche has reacted so strongly to the probing I’ve been doing to the point where it's producing pneumonia, how will I ever heal? Is there a possibility I’m going to be one of the tiny percent that won’t heal?
  2. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Porpoise, you are not one of the few who don't heal from TMS. I'm sure of it. TMS knowledge is going to cure you.

    You've just had a double whammy of TMS from work stress. Problem with walking and mild case of pneumonia.

    It's good that you're taking antibiotics. You just need rest and strong belief that it's all TMS.\

    I hope you can turn your mind away from fear and worry and switch your thoughts to positive things like
    be thankful you aren't stuck in bed.

    You say that a lot of people are having colds now. It spreads when people go to work with colds and pass it along.
    Your voice will come back when you feel better.

    Good luck and keep deep breathing, journaling, and finding ways to be happy.
    Porpoise likes this.
  3. Porpoise

    Porpoise Peer Supporter

    Thanks for your support and encouragement, Walt.

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