invincible
Peer Supporter
Hi, it's been a while but it feels good to be posting something again. How are you guys doing?
Christmas season was super different for me this year. It came with a surprise gift of the strongest TMS back pain symptoms in a long long time, left me on the bed for a couple of days.
The funny thing was before the pain hit me like a truck I thought I was completely in control.
I'm also transitioning from one psychotherapy session a week to no more therapy, plus I was also not journaling because I was lazy and I thought I didn't need it.
Had my last psychotherapy session just after this bout and we stumbled on the fact that I was rationalizing my feelings and understanding where they were coming from, rather than just feeling the emotions.
This left me a little confused because I guess I was under the impression that knowing the source of my TMS symptoms was enough to keep them at bay or get rid off them. Turns out that I'm obviously not quite there yet or my processing is still dependent on feeling these emotions and having an outlet for the rage.
Was quite a new experience for me because it was this build up of pressure and emotions of the holiday season that probably tipped over the top and hit me. But once it happened I wasn't too confused about why it had happened, all the reasons were quite obvious to me but the way I looked at the reasons changed.
Before the pain hit me I was more rational - ah I feel some anxiety and tightness in my muscles, it's because I had an argument with my mum or there's just too much happening that particular day and I'm trying to be in too many places at once.
After the pain bout I looked at all the stressors a little differently. Almost with a kind of sympathetic surprise like - oh sorry body and brain my bad didn't realize that those pressures pissed you off so much and caused you so much pain, I was not letting you get things out and just brushing them away.
Still it's been a weird one. I feel like the pain, pressure and symptoms from the season are still having some kind of effect or hold on me even till today, even though it's been a while. Been frustrating in that sense, because I'm waking up expecting symptoms and scanning excessively, which has not happened for quite a while. The realization for me personally would probably be that the intention is key, the way you're viewing or approaching anything is key. What is the mindset, why are you actually doing something, how much care or kindness are you approaching the situation with. This is more important in my view, rather than am I actually getting to the right cause of the symptom or do I know why I am in pain right now.
Sentence that helped me was - observe don't engage
also I've been shouting back at my brain a lot more recently because I'm quite furious at the fact that I have to be dealing with symptoms. Piss off, let me be.
Christmas season was super different for me this year. It came with a surprise gift of the strongest TMS back pain symptoms in a long long time, left me on the bed for a couple of days.
The funny thing was before the pain hit me like a truck I thought I was completely in control.
I'm also transitioning from one psychotherapy session a week to no more therapy, plus I was also not journaling because I was lazy and I thought I didn't need it.
Had my last psychotherapy session just after this bout and we stumbled on the fact that I was rationalizing my feelings and understanding where they were coming from, rather than just feeling the emotions.
This left me a little confused because I guess I was under the impression that knowing the source of my TMS symptoms was enough to keep them at bay or get rid off them. Turns out that I'm obviously not quite there yet or my processing is still dependent on feeling these emotions and having an outlet for the rage.
Was quite a new experience for me because it was this build up of pressure and emotions of the holiday season that probably tipped over the top and hit me. But once it happened I wasn't too confused about why it had happened, all the reasons were quite obvious to me but the way I looked at the reasons changed.
Before the pain hit me I was more rational - ah I feel some anxiety and tightness in my muscles, it's because I had an argument with my mum or there's just too much happening that particular day and I'm trying to be in too many places at once.
After the pain bout I looked at all the stressors a little differently. Almost with a kind of sympathetic surprise like - oh sorry body and brain my bad didn't realize that those pressures pissed you off so much and caused you so much pain, I was not letting you get things out and just brushing them away.
Still it's been a weird one. I feel like the pain, pressure and symptoms from the season are still having some kind of effect or hold on me even till today, even though it's been a while. Been frustrating in that sense, because I'm waking up expecting symptoms and scanning excessively, which has not happened for quite a while. The realization for me personally would probably be that the intention is key, the way you're viewing or approaching anything is key. What is the mindset, why are you actually doing something, how much care or kindness are you approaching the situation with. This is more important in my view, rather than am I actually getting to the right cause of the symptom or do I know why I am in pain right now.
Sentence that helped me was - observe don't engage
also I've been shouting back at my brain a lot more recently because I'm quite furious at the fact that I have to be dealing with symptoms. Piss off, let me be.
