Please help me trying to make sense of this all

For me it mainly happened after chronic stress and acoustic shock. The things that made me develop these are not relevant anymore. I'm open to the idea that there is other stuff to protect me from but I'm not quite sure what that would be — right now. I have felt like this pretty much happened because it happened. I got scared of sound because i got worse and i got worse because i got scared of sound.

I just dont – yet – see a world where I have a wife and kids, get H symptoms but still remain calm. I would like to talk to people about this: how will i ever not be afraid that this will ruin my life in the future.

 

which i will.

If i do in fact get better I wonder how im ever gonna grow independent of the outcome that worse symptoms bring. I would like some help with that.

 

Fear and anxiety, when you conquer those - wow what an awesome future person you can be! ♥️

 

I'm sorry, I don't understand what you are saying here... Are you asking how are you going to deal with the return of any symptoms when you thought you had got better and lost them? Or are you concerned that when you lose symptoms, you'll be frightened of them returning? Or something else?

 

There’s no real way to do this work “wrong.” Just do it the best you can and it’s good enough to get you there.

 

I think a bit of both. Having another 1 year TMS break when ive finally got it together would destroy my life. Imagine I got a 1 yo baby and a wife and suddenly I cant partake in any activitities for one year, thatd be catastrophic.

Perhaps its not worth it to think about it like that, but itd be good to consider. What if, when all my symptoms are gone, I get hit with a loud sound. Will I be able to just shrug my shoulders and say 'whatever' without catastrophizing? I dont know. Im not saying i wont be able to but I just think thats where ill need some outside help

 

I was in your position 2 months ago. The future was all I panicked about. Until I started living for today, TMS has helped me big time with that

 

This is wonderful advice. I love it! And I will take it to heart. ❤️

 

How does one acquire this skill? Seriously

 

I know that it’s not easy when the mind keeps jumping to “what if”. Something that really helps me is using the STOP method. When I notice my thoughts starting to spiral, I literally tell myself “stop”, take a breath, and then switch my focus to a visualization. Sometimes I picture a calm place or imagine myself doing something ordinary but peaceful, like sitting outside in the sun. It doesn’t fix everything in the moment, but it breaks the spiral and brings me back to something steadier. Over time that’s made it easier to live more in the present.

 

There’s this pattern I’ve noticed that almost everyone undergoes on the forum. You come in terrified. It takes a while to actually accept you have TMS. Then it takes a while longer to embrace that you could maybe get better. And it takes more time to accept that it’s going to take time and work to get better. Then you’re just mad that you’re not better. And after a while, sometimes even a year or more— you start to calm down and realize this is all doable, but it’s going to be difficult and it’s going to take time and a lot of work. And then —-you finally take a deep breath and you calm down. This takes time too! (See the common denominator here? Time!)

How does anyone learn to live in the present moment? It’s a philosophical journey, a spiritual path. It’s a personal quest. Quests are not easy, but they’re so valuable. Embrace the quest, and you’ll embrace the present moment. It’s a big long process— And not for the faint of heart! (And, just in case you’re considering not taking the quest…. There’s actually no other way out of this. The more you fight it, the longer it’s going to take.)

Also, if it’s any consolation… I’ve been through every single step that I listed above… So I know how you feel. I’m on the quest.

 

What a judgemental and insensitive thing to say, completely unwarranted too. You have no idea about my life or who i am. Yes i have a ton of problems and ive never tried to run from them but this is so outrageously judgemental it honestly shocks with me.

Why cant i be a victim? I was born half deaf with an iq in the 99.9th percentile, left to fend entirely for myself. Never got help from anyone, was bullied completely out of the regular living spaces in my own home, and have had ocd since forever. I have already told you about pocd striking at 6 yo. You should know better than just to tell me 'stop with the what ifs like that' im trying. Yet after all my hardship, everything ive been through, reaching to this point, where i have pretty much lost life, i still come here, to improve and to be genuine.

I thought your first comment was already borderline rude but i appreciated is as the tough love ive usually liked. This however comes off way more judgemental and just completely out of touch. Okay, you can take offense at my fears and my problems, but just dont respond then.

"You MUST stop the "what ifs"", how helpful, as if i havent heard that a million times already. As if when i was a 6 yo and crying all alone in my bed if only id known that. If only i knew that i wasnt actually dying of rabies. How incredibly helpful of you.

I may grieve about the life that ive lost all i want. Ive been born with an incredibly tough set of traits -- most of which i have not yet spoken about -- and all these traits would add up to a suicide rate thousands of percentages higher than yours. Ive never been understood

Being too tough is exactly why ive come here. I have always told myself to just simply ignore whatever and to man up. That has brought me here. When i got hyperacusis first the first thing i did was 'man up' this 'man up' that. I have realized i need to make changes, but they dont happen overnight. And yes, im still an incredibly anxious person, yet perfectly capable of giving and receiving love.

Outrageous comments, youve been the only one coming at me back handed like this at the start. I wont let you take me out like this though. I will simply continue -- if only out of spite. I have been through way worse than Jan being rude and judgemental.

I cant fucking go to a psychotherapist. I can no longer talk, as ive already told you a billion times. I'm here in my attic, have lost all the people around me, and coming here to your forum to improve myself. You should feel respected and perhaps give some respect back.

 

"you had some excuse that you gave it up" WOW if only you had the dignity to ask me what happened. I went for a year until i couldnt anymore. The last 6 months ive went with double ear pro whispering to her, just hoping to actually improve. I have really really really tried. I get that being here all day, at some point you get tired of all sorts of anxious people coming here. But that doesnt mean that you have to invalidate everything i say. And to scold at my honest attempts to improve. I have really always tried and ive also always been a victim of my own body. Can you imagine how easy life is when you simply dont really think all that much. I would take a 'make dumb' pill any day of the fucking week.

I didnt even start about that, and neither did i tell you about me being half deaf which is another thing you have no idea how hard it is, especially in combination with hyper sensitivity (you know the thing that most if not all 'gifted' (yeah right) people experience. I can acknowledge my difficult set of traits and still try to make the best of it. I've been nothing but honest and kind to anyone here since ive come.

 

And ive very much appreciated your attempts to console me. You have been a very welcome visitor to my threads. I'm much grateful

 

I really appreciate this reply and I would like to take this chance to acknowledge that i am incredibly anxious and that i understand that people may have issues with me Im just trying to find little pieces of hope that there is still some life left to save. My other option is going deaf through surgery. My qol would go up tenfold, but itd be forever and i think that id develop other tms symptoms anyway. I'm just really insecure about whats to come and really anxious to lose even more. I dont wanna go into details because i dont want to feed it but i have as of yet only really gotten worse. I'm just desperate

 

@Mani
You have had a tough life, my friend. And you’re still in it. For some reason, those who have it the worst just keep on getting more. I’ve had a hard life too. (Not a competition!) And yours puts mine to shame, it sounds like. My childhood was filled with neglect and some pretty severe abuse. There is a huge part of me that never seems to be able to shake feeling like a victim. (Because I was!) I even get mad when people on the forum say we have to stop being victims to get better. I say to myself: I’m alive and not dead ——(and I could be.) Does that count?

I have to believe. I MUST believe, that there is hope for all of us. All of us. Including you. Don’t give up—ever. Don’t let this break you. I promise you I won’t either. You are going to get better. I can feel it in your determination.

And yes… somehow… we have to stop being victimized by this TMS. We can out-bully our TMS and win.

 

And to be honest. I'm not even gonna explain what pocd is because its so shameful but youre free to look it up. Its a subset of ocd so one could actually say its tms too. I wouldnt say its not, but i developed these things at a very young age. When i made my first list of symptoms it actually started at 4yo. Ive always had a melancholic feeling, my life was best when i was 0-2 yo and receiving love and attention. Thats what ive always felt and it makes sense now that i can look back on it.

I was expecting you to ban me and now i feel bad for you, youre just trying to run your forum and help people. Maybe we can be friends later on