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Please help me help her!

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by ajamesr, Dec 28, 2012.

  1. ajamesr

    ajamesr New Member

    I don't know where else to turn for help, so I'm hoping beyond hope that someone here can help me.

    My wife is to the point she has given up on life, she has pain that is so bad she can't even function anymore, and doesn't have the ability to even journal anymore. So I need to know what I can do to support her and heal her from her mind-body pain. I understand tms but I don't know what I can do to help her. Please please please help me.
  2. ajamesr

    ajamesr New Member

    Please? I can't stand losing her, I need help!
  3. tarala

    tarala Well known member

    Hi ajamesr,

    You mention that you have an understanding of TMS, but don't say whether your wife does. If she is willing, helping her find a TMS doctor and'/or therapist might be something you could do. On the main TMS wiki there are lists of both professionals in most states and a number of countries. In the end, each person has to heal him or herself. However while you can't do the work for her, your love and understanding will be invaluable. It is extremely hard to watch a loved one suffer, I know. At the same time, it is easy to get so lost in their problems that we don't quite trust them to help themselves, and we can neglect to do our own work. She is lucky though to have someone who cares so much.
  4. Dr James Alexander

    Dr James Alexander TMS author and psychologist


    there are many resources available to assist people, including this forum; and as tarala said, it is essentially a self-help approach in that no one can do the healing for you (or her). Having said that, it is always possible that your wife's suffering (physical as well as emotional) could be stemming from trauma which your wife has experienced- this may stem back to childhood or adolescence experiences. Without knowing anything more about her, it is hard to establish if this is the case. If she has experienced trauma (and these dont necessarily have to be the 'big-T' traumas of assault or near death experiences, but can include distressing life events, e.g being neglected or ignored as a child), then it is likely that she would benefit from trauma specific psychotherapy. My view is that CBT (what is usually offered these days) is generally inadequate, in that it aims and settles for surface level changes in cognitions- this will not adequately treat historical trauma. My pesonal preference (based on research data) is the use of Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing (EMDR) to treat traumas of various degrees. You can read more about this approach on my website: www.drjamesalexander-psychologist.com (go to 'More' --> FAQ--> What is EMDR?)
  5. BruceMC

    BruceMC Beloved Grand Eagle

    ajamesr: Of course, I can empathize with your situation and concern for your wife. But you don't say whether she has been examined by a traditional MD and any other physical causes for her pain ruled out? That's a first step in healing TMS, of course, because it removes all doubts that her pain is caused by a physical illness. A TMS physician can also do that too. I would do what tarala suggests and seek out a TMS physician close to your location in Oregon to make a clear cut diagnosis. You must realize that no one on this forum is qualified as an MD, so we are not able to diagnose and treat, only offer support, advice and route you toward TMS resources. You might want to describe here in more detail the origins and characteristics of your wife's pain condition though. Is it fibro, lower lumbar pain, RSI, or in the neck or shoulders? Writing it all down in one place in your own words might give you a better handle on your personal situation too.
    veronica73 likes this.

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