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Planning Ahead with TMS

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Balsa11, Jul 6, 2022.

  1. Balsa11

    Balsa11 Well known member

    As I'm in my last year of college, how do you manage your TMS symptoms so that it doesn't affect your time management and decision making abilities?

    Even in the summer with nothing to do, I find it hard to start and complete things. I feel like everything takes so much energy. How can I be more efficient?

    I have trouble sticking to a schedule and being on time and my brain feels const overwhelmed. I feel indecisive and foggy when I need to be in control of my life.

    My symptoms flare up every time I need to use my brain and think clearly.

    My great grandfather was a community leader. My dad gave up a senior architect position in a top intl. architecture firm to protect me from my bio mom and the resulting lupus.

    Then there's me, who despite an accomplished childhood, struggled through an engineering degree with shitty grades, no free time, imposter syndrome, fatigue, pain and the whole works.

    I'm really excited about some new family responsibilities but they bring up a lot of self doubt and I have to take things one step at a time.

    I realized I've been scrolling Reddit to distract myself from the pain and now I see it's fed the TMS. The Adhdwomen subreddit is relatable but discouraging. They all seem to get worse as they get older, even with meds, but there are a few medicated success stories.

    I was suspected of having ADHD as a kid but then I got rid of my hyperactivity and was doing well health wise until college. I don't want to get diagnosed with ADHD because of the possible increase in insurance premiums and medication sensivity (lifelong dependence on meds sounds like a nightmare to me). Other forms of treatment seem more practical but costly. I feel ashamed that I failed to get any long term benefits in therapy, hate asking for help. Because I'm gifted, minority, etc it would take forever to find one thing and stick to it. I cannot stick to anything unless it has a lot of reminders and a lot of urgency.

    I am riding by the seat of my pants. I'm an only child. How do I stop fearing life and get on with it? Every time I try, I get burned out a few weeks later or earlier.

    I'm so sick and tired of the symptoms. I just want to get on with my life but the pain is excruciating every time I examine my thoughts. One more year. I don't know what else to do. I don't want another pill because the side effects destroyed me physically and emotionally. I don't want to be stuck at home forever, nor struggling to survive on my own.

    Everything costs so much mental energy, time, and money and I'm stuck arggggghhhhh. Every time I see an ad for therapy and counselling I feel upset that my health and problems can make good business for someone else but I can't even find the stamina to care for myself well. Why do so many people fail and so few succeed. Life is brutally Darwinian and though I wish it would make me feel better, no DEI initiative can convince me otherwise.

    At least my hypermobility is not too bad and I go on morning walks, but after going back inside my motivation goes away.
  2. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Well, @Balsa11, seeing as how you haven't received any other responses in a day and a half, I'm going to jump in. But it's gotta be with some tough love.

    You've been around here for a while, but I haven't sensed any substantive progress, and you do a good job above illustrating why that is (give yourself credit for being able to do so). I was curious about some of your past threads, and when I checked your profile for the long list of threads that you started (not including general response posts), I noticed first off that the titles mostly indicate continuing struggles. This one from Feb 2021 caught my eye, because the title was a good one. Self Pity, Dwelling, Wallowing, and Overwhelm | TMS Forum (The Mindbody Syndrome) (tmswiki.org)

    We all engage in these self-defeating emotional activities, and recognizing them in oneself is a really good start on the journey to get better, so you can also give yourself credit for that. (Although, as a side note, I suspect that beating yourself up is one of the things holding you back). Anyway, you posted that thread in 2021 and specifically asked for tips. And you received some really great, thoughtful responses, from a couple of TMS coaches and other well-known members with a ton of experience in successfully managing symptoms. You "liked" the responses, but you only contributed one short response, which was a "Yes, but..." statement. Which pretty much killed the conversation. Reading the whole thread was quite unsatisfying, because there was zero acknowledgement that any of the advice was valuable or even welcomed by the person who specifically asked for it. It left me wondering about the real purpose for posting - which was probably quite unconscious.

    Note the "probably quite unconscious". This is your brain on TMS: asking for help, and then dismissing the help (your negative brain is saying: "aww, that's too bad, none of that is going to work, is it? Oh well..."). This is how your brain keeps you where it wants you, firmly stuck in fear and negativity. It's a vicious cycle, designed to keep you distracted and occupied, convincing yourself that you're accomplishing something, when in reality you are taking no constructive action. You've already recognized this tendency when using other social media - you're essentially doing the same here.

    Remember and repeat: this is your brain on TMS. There's also that factor of beating yourself up - your brain is happy to let you post about your negative behaviors so you can keep feeling bad about yourself while thinking that the posting is helpful. Of course it won't let you act on any solutions!

    The real issue right now is that you might have gone about as far as you can on this forum. You will always find newcomers who will respond to your posts, feeding your belief (your TMS brain!) that you're accomplishing something - but you're plenty smart, and now you won't be able to ignore the fact that this will just keep the negative cycle going.

    You started this new thread yesterday with a specific question, but I have a feeling that your list of childhood and family and emotional issues is simply too much for the average forum member here to unpack. I certainly don't have that ability, nor do I even know how to answer to your initial question - or maybe the answer lies in the fact that in doing this work, we completely change how we think, and we learn to live in harmony (or at least detente) with the fear-based parts of our brains. Changing our inner dialogue becomes more and more automatic as we progress and move on with our lives. It's not something you can be taught to turn on when you need it for time management. It has to become your new way of living in this world, and you can only achieve it by forging your own personal journey through doing this work.

    I feel for you, I really do, and I for sure worry about today's young people, because you're inheriting a world with a shitload of what feels like insurmountable problems. But the hard truth is that your post is essentially a litany of "yes, but..." and "I don't want..." statements, starting with a question that has no tangible answer. Your issues might be beyond the ability of this forum, and of TMS self-directed techniques, to help you.

    If anyone else is willing and able to contradict me and provide some tangible answers, I hope they do so! I just feel like you need rigorous therapy from someone who is not only experienced in mindbody issues, but, perhaps more importantly, also extremely skilled at getting past the defenses of very resistant brains.

    Please try again to find that help. You're certainly not the first (and won't be the last) to receive similar advice. Dr. Sarno regularly came across patients that he referred to more intensive psychotherapy.

    I really do wish you the best of luck.

  3. Balsa11

    Balsa11 Well known member

    Yup. I've realized that I often give in to fear and emotional suppression. No social media. Journaling. Do something, anything. Every time I get off the horse, I'm choosing to get back on it with mini meditations and it'smaking it a little easier to find clarity. As for therapy, being open to getting help is probably going to be my first step. I'll also do the TMS journaling prompts for a small break.

    I think it's the "resistant" part that makes me flip flop on how I see myself, the way I fool myself is an ugly habit, definitely not what a healthy response to adversity or even responsibility should be. I keep finding more weird inner dialogue that I previously overlook and I revise it to a better thought.

    I think I need to find a way to visualize what is being done and the results or the emotional p progress of that work.

    I am pretty self absorbed, I hate it, and I need to do a better job of responding to people. Ugh. The truth hurts, but this time I won't run away.

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