Physical therapy

[Cactusflower]

I barely notice my leg today, but my back/shoulder blade are raging. Ah TMS.

This is about the point I began giving myself a chuckle. How creative? How much nonsense is this? How could it POSSIBLY be physical and have it move around so much.
Especially after you've begun to be a bit more candid (at least on this forum) about your stressors and feeling very boxed in.
I'd say you'll probably need to make some changes in your life because it sounds like the lifestyle you set up a few years ago isn't currently working for you. It sucks but sometimes we have to evaluate what is best for US and it's not always keeping the "peace" for others, sometimes it's evaluating relationships and figuring out a better balance.

 

[Mr Hip Guy]

Rusty - When you're doing your journal work, do you ever have anything that feels cathartic, or like a breakthrough? this might be personal to me, but I will have "bingo" moments when I have a little epiphany about something I never realized was bothering me and I can feel the emotions behind it and I know I hit the target when that feeling happens. Not saying this happens all the time, but it does happen for me. I know some of the things that are bothering me are fully subconscious and not able to be "found" as a result, but the resultant emotion is definitely able to felt. Not sure if that makes sense but maybe it helps.

Also, on your PT and strive for exercise. Experiment with some new things, find some things that you CAN do. One of these regulars, bloodmoon I think, but maybe cactusflower, talks about doing little movements in front of the TV. Not saying that you have to do that, but the point is to find something you can do, and it will be a small win you can point to.

 

[Joulegirl]

How could it POSSIBLY be physical and have it move around so much

TMS is VERY creative!!

 

[Rusty Red]

I've had a few people recommend to me that I should end my relationship. That one isn't a worthwhile change for me, even if I did get symptom relief. I guess in that regard I'd rather just deal with it.

As far as my mom... yeah. She really has nowhere else to go. After my stepdad died in 2013 she lost everything, never pulled it back together. I guess if being symptom free means I have to end these relationships, I'll be stuck. My fiance I don't want to end and my mom just is what it is. If relieving TMS means cutting things off where you don't want to, maybe I'm not meant to. What I am willing to do next time something big comes up in the house is insist on some contribution from everyone. One of my biggest problems is sometimes one of them will say they will help with something, but then I worry they won't have enough for what they need so I say never mind. THAT I do need to change.

@Mr Hip Guy yes to your question. I've had those kinds of journaling sessions. I'm looking for ways to reframe what causes those emotions because as you can see, I'm not willing to do certain big overhauls. Hoping for a level of acceptance of what is.

 

[Cactusflower]

I've had a few people recommend to me that I should end my relationship. That one isn't a worthwhile change for me, even if I did get symptom relief. I guess in that regard I'd rather just deal with it.

As far as my mom... yeah. She really has nowhere else to go. After my stepdad died in 2013 she lost everything, never pulled it back together. I guess if being symptom free means I have to end these relationships, I'll be stuck. My fiance I don't want to end and my mom just is what it is. If relieving TMS means cutting things off where you don't want to, maybe I'm not meant to. What I am willing to do next time something big comes up in the house is insist on some contribution from everyone. One of my biggest problems is sometimes one of them will say they will help with something, but then I worry they won't have enough for what they need so I say never mind. THAT I do need to change.

@Mr Hip Guy yes to your question. I've had those kinds of journaling sessions. I'm looking for ways to reframe what causes those emotions because as you can see, I'm not willing to do certain big overhauls. Hoping for a level of acceptance of what is.

Why is it drastic changes or nothing? Perhaps instead of doing everything you can simply ask for a little more of whatever it is you need.
Have you asked yourself what you need and want taking everyone else out of the equation?

 

[Rusty Red]

Why is it drastic changes or nothing? Perhaps instead of doing everything you can simply ask for a little more of whatever it is you need.
Have you asked yourself what you need and want taking everyone else out of the equation?

Yes, I'm working on figuring that out.

 

[Diana-M]

@Rusty Red
Ok, this is just food for thought. I think we both were in an abusive first marriage, right? For me, I never wanted to be powerless again. So I wanted to be the bigger breadwinner when I got remarried (subconsciously). I hated the pressure this put on me, but I didn’t feel safe without that. After a long time, I was able to let go of that, and now my husband makes more. But ironically, he started to shine when I backed off. Don’t know if this is anything you could use… but the idea is, sometimes we actually do have a part in creating our own jail. But we can’t see it.

 

[BloodMoon]

What I am willing to do next time something big comes up in the house is insist on some contribution from everyone. One of my biggest problems is sometimes one of them will say they will help with something, but then I worry they won't have enough for what they need so I say never mind. THAT I do need to change.

I know what it's like to be the breadwinner; it's a lot of pressure. Suggestions: To give you some peace of mind, accept their offer to help with whatever (as planned), but consider putting some of that money (or your own money) aside if at all possible (maybe without letting them know) so that if you see they genuinely don't have enough for what they need you can decide to bail them out. With your mom, maybe she has the capacity to do a little work despite being mainly retired, e.g. if she can provide child care for your son, maybe she would able to baby sit for others, or whatever. And with your fiance, perhaps he could get some extra work now, or do some overtime (if available), to help out more, so that you can have the reassurance of a financial cushion to fall back on when big unexpected expenses come up. (I expect you've probably thought of all this, but if you're considering doing any of it, I think it can sometimes help if someone else thinks you're being fair and reasonable.)