In terms of physical activity, my pain has not kept me away from doing it as per say, but more made me fear I won't be able enjoy the activity because I will be in my little head prison where all I think about is the discomfort. In a way, that is the core of my fear & pain, the fear that I will not be able to enjoy life like others as I will be constantly by shadowed by the discomfort or pain.
As part of the program commitment I planned to skate yesterday, and followed through. The fixation on the discomfort gradually increased as it got closer to the time to leave to the park, but I pushed though. Once I kicked off onto the board and my mind floated away, so did the sensations. Although my brain still kept constantly checking in on it even during the session, the amount of thought capacity on it dropped at least 20%, leading to a fair drop in physical discomfort. After the session it came sliding back into focus and my brain tried to convince me it was because the movement helped the blood flow, not because the shift of focus replaced it's distraction and stopped it's mechanism from working... or I guess from being needed.
Later in the day the discomfort started rising, and my brain immediately just convinced me it was because it was a bad day in terms of the physical damage, but then I decided to do some work and managed to get carried away. Before I knew it, I checked in mentally with the pain, and it was completely gone...but being a persistent bully, my brain pulled it back into focus within 30 minutes.
I think there are two things at play here:
1. Emotional distraction and displacement
But also, and I think just as importantly:
2. Perceived danger & fear
Sometimes I wonder if I erased my memories associated with my pain, if I would even feel it... I guess my brain would eventually try find a part of my body to latch onto.
As part of the program commitment I planned to skate yesterday, and followed through. The fixation on the discomfort gradually increased as it got closer to the time to leave to the park, but I pushed though. Once I kicked off onto the board and my mind floated away, so did the sensations. Although my brain still kept constantly checking in on it even during the session, the amount of thought capacity on it dropped at least 20%, leading to a fair drop in physical discomfort. After the session it came sliding back into focus and my brain tried to convince me it was because the movement helped the blood flow, not because the shift of focus replaced it's distraction and stopped it's mechanism from working... or I guess from being needed.
Later in the day the discomfort started rising, and my brain immediately just convinced me it was because it was a bad day in terms of the physical damage, but then I decided to do some work and managed to get carried away. Before I knew it, I checked in mentally with the pain, and it was completely gone...but being a persistent bully, my brain pulled it back into focus within 30 minutes.
I think there are two things at play here:
1. Emotional distraction and displacement
But also, and I think just as importantly:
2. Perceived danger & fear
Sometimes I wonder if I erased my memories associated with my pain, if I would even feel it... I guess my brain would eventually try find a part of my body to latch onto.
