I wrote about the stoic part of my personality today and had some insights. When I was a child and when I was young, I was intense - I still am, at least on the inside . I had - still have - a lot of opinions, a good brain, learn easily and love a good debate based on facts. In the past people often thought that I wanted to be right. This was never true, I just like to get to the bottom of things, explore every corner, no stones unturned and I guess people felt overwhelmed and maybe inferior (which is odd, because I always see people as more clever than me....) I often felt ridiculed, I was "too much", "easy now" is a phrase I remember, hidden smiles and so on. I'm sure that my childhood issues caused a lot of energy in me which came out as intense communication - and I just started shutting down as I felt that my communication was a problem. Up til then I did have pain issues and some depression, but after shutting down and engaging in "never say too much, never be intense, never too clever, always smile and be gentle" it went downhill... I married again (my children's father died) and the new family was very inhibited - no feelings, as in nooooo feelings. I get a headache just thinking about it... I got more and more pain, more and more depressed... I had shut down entirely. Now, I have been on my own for the last five years and I started experiencing less pain already the day after the final decision on divorce even though it wasn't my choice to split up. Within 1½ years I was able to walk again (before that I was in a wheel chair), a year after that I no longer needed my lumbar belt, today I'm able to clean my house - and so it continues. I still have pain issues and depression issues (which appears to be anxiety!!) but I'm getting there! I really am! Stoic is helpful in life's hardest moments when you just need to carry on no matter what, but in everyday-life it's just not good. For me this TMS process is about feeling my feelings, relearning to be me - 40 years of suppression is over!