1. Our TMS drop-in chat is today (Saturday) from 3:00 PM - 4:00 PM Eastern U.S.(New York) Daylight Time. It's a great way to get quick and interactive peer support. Steve2 is today's host. Click here for more info or just look for the red flag on the menu bar at 3pm Eastern (now US Daylight Time).
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this updated link: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/
    Dismiss Notice

Day 31 Personality+Stressors=Disaster (Help!)

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by MellieV, Mar 4, 2016.

  1. MellieV

    MellieV Peer Supporter

    As someone who has anxiety, I have been trying to figure out constructive ways to foster a new frame of mind as I have been going through this program. Ensuring myself that I am safe, healing, and on the right track, has been crucial for me to get this far. But, I am so prone to over-exaggerating everyday stressors, it's hard to keep that feeling going very long throughout the day.

    I have recently been figuring out that social media can be my public enemy number one. Especially Facebook. Don't get me wrong, I love social media, but I have to wonder if it is actually toxic to someone with a personality like mine. How can you not compare yourself, even on a subconscious level, and want to present your best self to the public in a public forum? I find it almost impossible - it's human nature! My problem is, I have trouble letting go after logging off. One stupid, hateful, or hurtful, meme or comment that I see can linger with me and "bother" me all day, sometimes on a disproportionately deep level. I know it's my OCD thinking, and it's not normal or healthy.

    Does anyone else have an opinion on this? Can you just hit the block button and easily tune it out?
    Does social media feed your demon, or help you heal?
    giantsfan and Simplicity like this.
  2. Ryan79

    Ryan79 Peer Supporter

    For me personally I'm starting to move away from reading news outlets and reducing social media. I can definitely relate to the meme problem especially if I don't agree with it. I've also struggled with people that I follow and like their posts and notice this person never likes anything I ever post. Therefore I'm starting to go on Facebook less and less.

    Good luck to your decision Mellie
  3. prisd

    prisd Peer Supporter

    I dropped Facebook 6 years ago. Personally, I found it to be such a time suck and energy draw. My husband was complaining that when he was in the room trying to talk to me, I couldn't hear him because I was on Facebook. Then I felt guilty if I didn't read everyone's posts, when they had been kind enough to read mine. What finally made me say enough is enough is when I was having a really rough time at work, and I made a post about it on FB. My first comment from a friend was "ohhh, poor baby" which I found it so embarrassing that I deleted the post and removed myself from facebook. It made me realize that I was using social media as a replacement for talking to my friends and I didn't want to go down that path.
  4. Simplicity

    Simplicity Guest

    I feel exactly the same way about social media and I've chosen to mostly stay away from it since I think it's a waste of time. I guess I have a sort of love/hate relationship with the internet; it's very useful but at the same time it can be such a distraction, so I try to be very selective about what I read online and when I'm online. I rather be out living life, meeting friends and not spending my time constantly checking my phone.

    From Zen Habits 'Opt Out: A Simplicity Manifesto':

    Our lives become filled, even controlled, by the things we think we need to do.
    We think we can’t live without these things, but actually, we can.
    We can opt out.
    Think about how busy our lives have become. Think about how distracted we’ve become. Think about how many things needlessly pull on our attention, our time, our money, our sanity.
    We have let these things overcome us, but in fact, we have a choice. We can become conscious, we can choose to do and consume and need less.
    It’s the simplest way to simplify our lives: we simply opt out.
    Some examples — note that I don’t think these are all evil. I only think we can reconsider:
    • Facebook & Instagram. Of course, these are easy to pick on, but in truth, they take up a large space of our mindshare. Many of us check them multiple times a day, getting a constant stream of distraction. And ads. And tracking of our online activity. Without too many benefits. Opt out: I’ve been off Facebook for years now, and don’t feel I’m missing anything. I am on Twitter, but rarely check it, and don’t have it on my phone.
    • Advertising. We put up with advertising, which is intrusive and distracting and makes every experience worse. Opt out: Stop watching advertising. Block it. Don’t participate in things that are ad-supported. Yes, that means that good publishers will have to find other ways to support themselves.
    • Email. I do email every day, and have nothing against it. But many of us check it constantly, and feel we have to reply to things asap. This disrupts more important work, and means we’re responding all the time instead of consciously choosing what work to do. Opt out: Eliminate email for most of your workday. Set expectations by telling people when you check email (this is inspired by my friend Jesse, who is experimenting with only processing emails on Friday afternoons).
    • All the online reading. I’m as guilty as anyone — I procrastinate by checking my favorite sources of online reading, and I can get lost for an hour reading interesting things. I have a feed reader, and my favorite sites. For some, it’s news sites, others read Reddit, others read blogs. We fritter away so much of our time — imagine what we could do if we dropped this habit! Opt out: Block those sites using a site blocker. Catch yourself before you run to these distractions. Pause and face the important work you’re trying to escape from.

    There're things I don't agree with when it comes to the rest of the list, but I think everyone could benefit from living a more simple life.
    MellieV, giantsfan and JanAtheCPA like this.
  5. giantsfan

    giantsfan Well known member

    I dropped Facebook 3 years ago for many reasons. At first it was tough without it (like a drug withdrawal) and sure there are some things I miss, but there are more things I don't miss. Everyone is different. Maybe try just freezing it for awhile and see how it goes?
  6. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    I almost never look at Facebook or Twitter. I have no interest in knowing where people are having lunch or being on vacation while burglars are taking what they want from their houses. Knowing what others have and how great they feel depresses a lot of people. Not me. I just don't go there. I prefer keeping in touch in person, by phone, or email. Too bad most people no longer write letters to each other. Email comes close, but letters were the best.
    MellieV likes this.
  7. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi All,

    I think that the whole complex of lighted, colored, moving screens, the experience of "contact" from another in the form of someone replying to a post, the psychoactive chemicals that flood the brain when we we're on computer media ---the whole thing is highly addictive and only partially productive.

    I try to allow the feelings of loneliness and fear of not being loved, as I work with the urge to "log on." I think we have to have contact with our suffering, in a gentle way, or else we continue to go back for a fix. This means a satisfying contact with ourselves.

    Facebook and Twitter, and phones which check texts and email that we carry with us are the strongest forms of the "drug." But all of our computer/online activities need to be used with caution. We know it is addictive.

    For Facebook specifically, here's an article, by a techy, which points to the level of personal tracking and data collection. Once there was the famous Stasi, but now we ourselves enter the data for the "powers that be" --government/industry. And robots collect and collate, and analyze. So this article might help those who are on the fence about quitting Facebook.


    Andy B
    Simplicity and Ryan79 like this.
  8. MellieV

    MellieV Peer Supporter

    Wow! I can't believe the overwhelming consensus on this subject. Very interesting. I just knew it had to be a shared problem amongst people who fit the TMS personality. As always, it's good to know I'm not alone in this feeling. Thanks for all of the feedback!
    Simplicity likes this.
  9. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    My best cure for being stressed or in pain is to laugh it away. This morning has been full of stress and anger from technology... the computer and phone calls from bill collectors. I decided there was nothing I could do about any of it, so I just laughed. Life is often a tragedy worth crying or screaming over, but I find it best to consider life one big joke. Sometimes a bad joke, sometimes a good one. I try to focus on the good joke life can be.
    TG957 likes this.
  10. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member

    Hi Mellie V

    you are asking if anyone has a opinion on social media : does it feed your demon? or help you?

    well because it is my line of business (3th year student communication & multimedia design, at 49 ;-)) i have a opinion, and just as a person with pain..:
    I only feeds the demon if you let it..that's sounds simple i know
    but it is true
    there is a cartoon going round the internet :which says : " may one day your life be as awesome as you claim it is on Facebook"
    and that is funny : but also very true.
    you must understand that part of the "magic" of internet is that is allows us to become who we want to "be"
    so we can make up a complete new persona ,or one who is close to reality but only with nice traits etc etc
    and just as in real life : some people use that for good..some use it for bad..etc etc
    but you must always keep in mind that it is a reflection of people lives from a extreme positive perspective
    is that bad? : is that helpful ?: you decide

    it feeds the demon if you allow yourself to think that that's the way a life suppose to look like : which is
    not realistic because you know (and everone else) that it leaves no, or little room for pain,tears, setbacks for the most part
    then it would always look like your life is less: less fun.. less good stuff..less party..but realistic : no ones life is one big party ofcourse
    so to me Facebook is a tiny part of someone's life : the fun part mostly but a small percentages( and even that can be made up)
    if you see this Wiki : in my opinion there's the other part of life : the part with the pain and depressions and conversations
    about what is really going on with us. ( So i would say that is really helpful and not feeding the demon )
    So would keep Facebook for fun if you like it, and maybe small talk chit chat..as a woman i even like that from time to time.
    But see it for what it is. For FB a way to sell you stuff and for people to show stuff and make up stuff :)
    To me : it could never replace real contact with people..it just a whole other area

  11. ashoo79

    ashoo79 New Member

    I did quit Facebook and I am glad I did. With my personality traits I think I have made the best decision. But It was my personal decision I never knew all tms era think the same and it's quiet surprising for me.
  12. MellieV

    MellieV Peer Supporter

    That cartoon is so funny, and I agree, so true. It would be really hard for me to totally delete my FB. I have such a huge family and we are scattered on both coasts of the US. Plus, I have a niece and nephew overseas in the military. It's good to keep up with everyone in that way. I did do a "cleaning up" of sorts with my FB since I first posted this. Deleted "friends" who aren't really friends, got my list under 100, unfollowed nuisance posters, and basically refined what I'll see whenever I log on. It really helped.
    Simplicity likes this.
  13. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member

    Hi Mellie,

    I think that sounds great! It is a way to stay in touch, nothing wrong with that.
    When it comes to internet..our phones.. and because of that: Social media etc etc : There is a whole new problem there for everyone..in my country (Netherlands) this week was a whole issue about 40% of kids under 16 sufferering from neck problems ..due to essive use tablets..phones. Maybe its not the psysical strain but the mental. This is a whole new problem : We have to look for the boundries in our selves. In the earlier years there where not these problems: You used your parents Phone in the House and they would complain of it took too long. So now that's gone we can use it all 24/7
    That is a problem ! Not only psysical but also psychological. I had to learn that all due to pain the last years but now finding out again : This is a new balance issue for us all. And it is for every day and also for the rest of our lives. It has great aspects: Just look at this wiki..and even here i find balance in time and risk of overload is there. It is a great thing but must be used wisely and remember to mix with Real Life.
    Agree with the FB number around 100..hear people talk about thousands and that just does not make any sense (well: maybe their ego's like that ) to me a waste of my time.
    Liked this subject! Thank You

Share This Page