Day 6 Perhaps Led Zeppelin Not Best for Meditation

On my list of stressful events to journal about is the car accident itself, which eventually led to the pain that eventually became TMS. The accident is what I tackled in my journal today. I already knew I still carried anger about the accident, especially towards the person who rear ended me (I was just sitting at a red light when he rear-ended my car with his car). And I knew I was irrationally mad at my friend who asked me to do the driving favor that put me in a busy part of the state during rush hour, resulting in said accident.

But until I did the journal exercise, I didn't realize HOW mad I was, especially at my friend for asking me to do that favor, which in my opinion was asking a lot. But of course I said yes as usual, even though I had a very strong premonition that I would get in a car accident moments before I left.

Then, after journaling, I tried the meditation exercise but was too lazy to go across the room to turn off the radio, so Led Zeppelin was playing. I also was a bit phyiscally uncomfortable with the Chromebook computer sitting on my lap, but I didn't go upstairs and start up the desktop computer. Part of me was like, I just did this emotional journal exercise, now I have to switch to meditating? And THEN write about all this?

Anyway, I already own the Unlearn Your Pain meditation CD and I borrowed the Mindful Way Through Depression CD. So when I try to meditate again, I should listen to one of those as opposed to "Bring It On Home" by Led Zeppelin. LOL! (Not that I don't like Led Zeppelin.)

In summary, it's interesting how doing a favor I didn't want to do (goodism, people-pleasing) directly led to the car accident that caused the pain that then snowballed into TMS, which is also caused by people pleasing. I think that if I'd managed the stress and anger from the accident better, and not made the mistake of getting involved in the medical/legal/insurance system, I would have had pain for a couple weeks instead of a whole year. (I do still have pain, but it's quite low now.)

The reason I haven't been doing one SEP day per day is because thinking about my feelings and journaling has led me to uncover all kinds of old and new psychological issues stemming from the Adult Children of Alcoholics stuff, which then makes me do different types of journaling and going to lots of recovery meetings. So there is this whole smorgasbord of recovery in my life, of which TMS is one aspect. All this recovery is not a bad thing; I realize now I had been neglecting that area of my life. Funny how pain makes you take notice.

Also, I have the Unlearn Your Pain workbook and want to do the exercises in that. So I can't do the SEP and Unlearn Your Pain AND AlAnon/ACA readings/meetings AND also try to do the writing I should be doing for my career. That's why I don't post here on a regular basis.

 

I do think I am getting better about standing up for myself and asking for what I want. For example, when my husband sat next to me with a big huge bowl of cereal and started munching away (while he knows I am trying to do low-carb, but he can eat anything because he is tall and slim with a high metabolism, grr) I politely said, "Could you please eat that cereal in the dining room instead of right next to me in the living room? I'm trying to eat less carbs and hearing you eat cereal is a temptation for me. Thanks."

He got the message. Previously I would have just sat there resenting his carb-snacking or I would have caved in and made a bowl of cereal for myself.

 

Good for you Mara! You took control!