Today you asked to write about perfectionism and how it affects my life. I would like to share my thoughts with you. Is there anybody with similiar experiences? How perfectionism affects my life? I am unhappy. Due to the given boundary conditions, I can do almost nothing as perfect as I actually want. How could I be happy with nothing perfectly done? Why do I have this personality trait? My parents, especially my mother, showed me their love by the work they did for us children or each other. They did not know any other way to show their love. The more perfect the work the greater the love. I developed this opinion in my childhood. How did the perfectionism lead to my symptoms? If I knew that, I would be very happy! – But during the 33 days of TMS recovery program I have recognized that perfectionism is one of the roots of my symptoms and perhaps also the way from perfectionism to my symptoms. Four years ago, a big project had been started in my company. My working group has not been involved to its preparation. But we had to realize substantial parts of it. Because our knowledge had been incorporated too late in the project, the result of our work could not be perfect. Shortly before, I had realized that I cannot hike on narrow paths in the mountains any longer due to a numbness in my left foot. Cause was a spinal stenosis in the fourth lumbar vertebra. In the Neurological Clinic a laminotomy was performed. I was unhappy at work, because we could not do our work as good as I would like to do. I have often thought in the hospital: Wouldn’t a disease be beautiful? Just so much that I cannot go to work any longer, but only so much that I can live reasonably well at home. After the surgery, which was carried out shortly after the start of this project, I got lower back pain. I could not sit for long periods. After five days I had to stop working again. Only after three months, I was able to resume my work. (I have the numbness in my left foot even today.) It looks like, that at that time I had no way to make my work perfect and I had apparently desired a disease.