Pelvic pain TMS

Hello all... I've been on this TMS journey for a bit now as I am pretty convinced that's what I have (notice word 'pretty' - defence mechanism). I've always been a very LOGICAL thinker... that was what I considered one of my best/worst traits... I am logical to the point that I often question my ability to see things light-heartedly *red-flag*. I am a self-conscious, stoic people pleaser/perfectionist among many other type T personality traits. I wouldn't say my childhood was "difficult" but I did face many obstacles that I never really dealt with. My mother has been deaf my whole life and the doctors believed was triggered by my birth (what a nice idea to grow up with). My mother was sick my whole life basically starting age 8... I think she has TMS or her conditions started with TMS anyway. My brother was also sick with similar things and my mother dotted on him. My dad and I got along great but he wasn't the best for "spewing to"... he talked to himself ALOT and I always felt I didn't want to bother him more since he was clearly pissed off already. During my teens years I developed social anxiety which never fully went away. At this time my mother was literally off the wall angry at life and often took it out on me and my brother (mostly emotionally but she did slap me twice), but mostly angry at my dad. My dad was having an affair and eventually left my mom for this woman and my mom's resentment toward him and her was literally a daily ritual for me to hear for 8 years. My mother talked about her illness every-single-day. It consumed her. It literally ruled her life. Until recently I only saw my mom laugh no more than 10 times growing up. In more recent years my brother developed schizophrenia (we were incredibly close growing up). He ran away from home multiple times and ended up missing in minus 40 degree weather on 3 separate occasions. I cried ONCE that whole time. My family farm was burnt down by my bipolar uncle... a place that was very dear to my heart and in my family for over 100 years. took up smoking marijuana at this time everynight. My grandparents both passed away, one suddenly and one after a battle with alzheimers, they were my rocks through everything. Anyways, I can totally see WHY I have TMS. Even friends couldn't believe how stoic I was through all this.
My TMS started years ago with chronic "tonsilitis" that came every 3 months like clockwork for a year then vanished when the doc said I'd need surgery. I battled with a short stint of bulemia. Then I had multiple bladder infections. At first they were inf. then just the "feeling" of a bladder inf with no inf. I'd always have some sort of vaginal infection going on trips with my now boyfriend. everytime. Either yeast or some random bad feeling down there. Last Sept. I developed a "bladder inf" with no inf. present was sent to a urologist and told to go on a 2 months long anti-biotic strain (never took them). eventually it just disappeared. This past summer i had the WORST burning eyes.. I thought it was due to eyelash extensions, although I had them for a while with no issues. I would get a weird burning mouth sensation randomly. I developed a weird rash on my chest that lasted for 2 weeks. I spotted in august with no pain and then spotted in Sept. That's when i thought OMG somethings wrong and BAM the burning started (I also thought a pair of jeans "caused'' this (eyeroll). My mother suggested "what if you have cancer" and "what if you can't have babies" ... thanks mom. Went to the Doc all clear on infections, ultrasounds, etc. MRI clear. My burning pain came and went and was replaced in September by anxiety, a tight chest (all clear bydoc) and a burning tongue. My skin became INCREDIBLY dry and I broke out like i was a teenager all over again (i'm 28). The pain basically disappeared for 2 weeks and then I thought hmm I haven't had it in a while! and then yep it came back. I went on a trip for work (work is another MAJOR stressor... i own my own business and i overwork and underplay). All was pretty good there and then I got major low back pain. Blamed it on that time of the month. And then December came. I was dreading december for the longest time... I'm in the beauty industry and Dec is the month from hell. My grandmother was progressively getting worse with alzheimers (we had been toldin sept she had 2 -3 weeks but the Ukrainian in her held on for 4 months!! go Gramma!), I had been feeling like absolute shit, the education place i worked for (on top of my own business) asked me to run another course *full on anxiety mode*, and i was dreading the 11-12 hour work days. Well that's when TMS spiraled out of control. I've never felt pain like that before and immediately saw myself in all those PN patients and then my anxiety got WORSE and my pain got worse. I thought this was it, 28, life over. until I stumbled across TMS and saw myself on every single page of every single book. Funny thing, before all this happened I remember feeling "off" telling my bf I felt like i needed a change. I think the subconscious took this and ran, and knowing that the pelvic region has been my maladies throughout the year decided that was the best spot to sit and stay. Since I've started my pain has moved places throughout my pelvic region, back, right foot, i've had fasculations, dry eyes, pain in chest and burning mouth (new again). (I must mention in august my mother got bedbugs at her house where she was taking care of my grandma full time and the buggers transferred over to my place - i've never felt such anxiety over a situtation before it was terrible AND my boyfriend and I bought a new home the day before this all started). The ONLY thing that is holding me back is that the gyne suggested endometriosis, which I highly doubt as I've never had any major issues with my periods before this, even in sept, oct, and nov all of the pain was non-cyclic. I think that conditioned my brain to make me feel worse on my period. Anyway.. long story.. and there's so much more BUT thought i'd introduce myself and give a bit of my background. I am really REALLY looking forward to writing a success story one day (sooner than later). If anyone with similar maladies wants/needs a buddy feel free to message me.

 

Hi, Michele. I'm sorry no one has replied to you until now. You have gone through a lot and I think you are handling it very well. I like your positive attitude that you look forward to writing a TMS success story and soon. I hope others contact you to share similar symptoms. Good luck and God bless!

 

There is a good post about pelvic pain under "Success Stories" here:
http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/pelvic-pain-healed.8680/ (Pelvic Pain - Healed)

That gave me a lot of hope. I also have pelvic pain. I don't necessarily have the same symptoms since I'm a guy, but I can relate to the skin problems. I've had those since adolescence. And of course the burning, pins and needles feeling in my belly and pelvis.

I too am a very logical thinker. I used to pride myself on being able to make decisions in a rational way, regardless of my feelings. It seems to me that most people here, many of them pelvic pain sufferers, have somehow become disconnected from their feelings and/or emotions. I know this is the case with me. My symptoms are the result of feeling nothing in the way of emotions. I feel irritated and angry often, but I'm starting to realize that's not the real emotion. That's just the easiest one for me to feel, especially since I'm a guy.

I cried a lot when I was a kid and was teased and even scolded for it. Plus I spent four years in the Army, which of course is not a place where you're allowed to cry.

These days if I can feel something enough that it makes me cry, I rejoice. I'd rather feel sad than feel my symptoms.

It's all about the feelings. Feel your feelings.