patience with the pain... need some support

I've started working with a TMS therapist and its great. I'm working on really accepting TMS 100%. Today was a good example that its all TMS: during a stressful rushed time at work and I noticed the pain got worse. I realized I felt angry that I was stuck doing what I was doing at that particular time. Not doing it was not an option. Maybe in the future I will explain to the person I was working with what was upsetting about the situation. But there is only so much one can do with folks who will not change (yes, I know, change how I deal with them) ... But my point is the pain just got worse, it was already there before, most of the day. So I'm frustrated: I'm looking for what, if anything is keeping me from accepting the TMS diagnosis 100% (and perhaps I already have), I've done a lot hard and painful work with my regular therapist, I'm pretty aware of my "issues" and I've been reading about TMS for a long, long time, gotten checked out medically and even was diagnosed by a TMS MD. It sounds so simple, but I just want the pain to stop and not have to worry how it's going to and is affecting my life. I know I have to be accepting and patient (not my strong suit) and this sounds so silly but sometimes I think I'm going to be the one with the un-curable case of TMS. I'm sure this is all normal for TMS, but, well, its really tough. Pain hurts, even when you are trying to practice outcome independence and indifference, and its often the worst pain I've ever experienced in my life. Sometimes I wonder if I am unconsciously keeping myself in pain... any thoughts and advice appreciated on any of this! This forum is an amazing resource, so thank you all.

 

Hi Rabbit,

In this quote you are seeing that there was anger, you felt pressure and cornered with the anger, and the pain seemed to increase. This is the basis of accepting the diagnosis. You are connecting pain experiences with emotional/feeling experiences, making the correlations. This is thinking psychologically, and this is self-awareness in the service of pain relief.

I get that you want the pain to stop. That is natural and expected. But believing that there is something more you should be doing, and that if you had that "more/better" thing, this can be a form of self pressure and self rejection, which causes pain, unless you see it for what it is, and you understand how it can cause pain (then the pain strategy is undermined).

You are on the path. Just seeing the pain connect to anger is the main thing to focus on, in my opinion. Keep reminding yourself of that truth, and the conviction will come. The anger does not need to go away. The conviction does not need to be perfect. And the pain does not need to go away right now. Stay steadfast in your practices, the basics of reading Sarno, reading success stories, learning from the therapist, remembering, re-reading what the TMS physician said, and hang in there!

This type of work is at times not at all easy. My heart goes out to you. I hope this helps.

Andy B.

 

Rabbit, I too have had doubts about a TMS diagnosis, and have also wondered if I am subconsciously holding onto my pain.

I know it is TMS now because my main issue (jaw pain) was unrelenting for 15 years. I mean 15 years of pain every second, every hour, every day. I did actually have two hours of relief when I was given morphine for something else. It was the best two hours of my life since the pain started, I'm ashamed to say.

Anyway, after reading about TMS, and doing some of the work, I had two minutes, and I mean just two minutes where there was no pain whatsoever. That was all I needed. I've had everything done physically, and no treatments ever made the pain go away. This did. I know it is TMS.

I wish everyone had such a clear reason to believe in TMS. Have you done an evidence sheet? All the reasons that point to it being TMS? That really helped me.

All that said, I am 100% convinced this is TMS. And yet... I am not pain free. I also wonder if I am hanging onto it for some reason. I don't think I use the pain to define me - I never talk about it IRL.

I am working through the educational programme, hoping that as I confront all those past events the pain will release it's grip on me, as it will no longer be needed as a distraction. Have you done the exercises in the treatment programme? Do you journal?

All the best. Pain is horrible. (and thinking you might be 'causing' it, however inadvertently adds to the pain).

 

Yes lazydaisy. I love that you put this into words. This tendency to blame ourselves about the symptoms is a layer that needs to be seen, if it is there, and compassionately dis-engaged from. Thank you.

 

Hi Rabbit,

I have been going down much the same road as you: I've been reading about TMS for years and struggled to overcome it on my own for a long time. Last year I had the diagnosis confirmed by a physician who was trained by Sarno. I've been working with a TMS-trained psychotherapist for a few months now. It's a difficult process.

With all the work you've put in, you've obviously accepted that you have TMS. You've recognized yourself in the books, been diagnosed, and chosen to see a TMS therapist. You know you have TMS. Of course, it can be hard to tell whether any particular symptom is TMS or not, but that's the nature of TMS. The symptoms that are obviously TMS don't linger because they don't work; it's the ones that confuse us that stick around, because the confusion is part of the distraction, sometimes more so than the pain.

That's what TMS is: pain caused by unconscious processes, as a distraction from some unwanted emotion. So in that sense, yes, of course that's what you're doing; that's what all of us TMSers do. But as Andy and Daisy said, you're not to blame. It's unconscious. In fact, you're trying everything you can think of to stop. You just haven't figured out how, yet.

One thing I've found through therapy -- there's a big difference between knowing what your issues are (intellectually), and allowing yourself to feel in your gut whatever feelings you've been pushing away. I've known for years that I came from a screwed-up family. But feeling the rage that they engendered in me, from the neglect and humiliation and countless indignities, that's different. I had to block out those feelings to survive. Even now I'm terrified to approach them. I'd do anything not to have to let them into my awareness. Anything but suffer from TMS for the rest of my life, that is.

I hope this helps.
David.

 

It can be difficult, but we need to search deep inside us to discover why we're angry, anxious, etc.,
so we can come to terms with those emotions and put them to rest. Often, it's going back to emotions
we suppressed since childhood and, in analyzing them, forgive those who caused them.