Day 6 PastEventCurrentProblem

Today we are supposed to write an entry about a past problem, but as I keep going through my TMS journal there is a current stressor that keeps coming top of mind. I think it is largely responsible for my current problem and I need the courage to somehow change it.

4 years ago I was asked by someone I worked with in the past to come work for him. The company was small and he offered literally to double my salary. Sounds too good to be true right. The problem I had mentally was that I really liked my current job and it had very good long term career potential. The $ offer wasn't the exact long term career path I wanted and if things went south I wouldn't be in a very good position to find a different job. My current employer really wanted to retain me. The current employer came up with a compromise. They would give me a raise and let me work for this other company as a consultant.

The reality of the situation was that I now had two jobs. The TMS symptoms started about 2.5 years ago. All the extra money was great, but it was making a wreck of my family life and I would cringe every time the phone would ring as it would be an additional work related thing for me to do. I've cut back on the consulting I do, but even with the reduced hours the responsibility remains.

During this time I also got promoted at my regular job with even more responsibilities. I just feel like I can never fully unwind. When I keep going through the past events, current stressors and personality traits this just keeps coming into focus. I have one of those perfectionist, need to be liked and please others personalities.

I have a hard time saying No. And both employers feel like family to me. I keep thinking this is my body's way of getting me to slow down and have a normal life.

I think I'm going to hire someone to take care of company X. I'm doing it tomorrow.

 

Hi, Wannarun. The same thing happened to me. Years ago I was editor of a national magazine and also became editor of a
Chicago magazine. Too much. I finally gave up the national and continued with the local. I thought I could handle both,
but the stress was getting to me.

It's great to have two salaries, but there is a price to pay. TMS comes in many ways for many reasons. Your workload must be
causing you TMS symptoms. I'm glad you've decided to get someone else to take care of Company X. Then enjoy the job you keep
and don't let it get to you. I think your symptoms are going to go away real soon.

 

Walt thank you for sharing. I can't tell you how I just felt this wave of relief come over me after reading your story. It will take me some time to get someone else, but I'm taking the steps to make it happen.

 

Hi wannarun,
I love your name by the way! I found that whenever I have too much pressure on myself - internal and external it would flare up the TMS symptoms. I've been pretty much healed of the TMS except for more extreme cases of stress. But now I know that its my brain still believing that it needs to create a distraction of pain as a way to deal with the situation. Usually everything calms down in a day or two... But pressure is my trigger for more self-care and to remember Life is Short - and Love is the most important experience I can have in my life. I promise you will find out wonderful things about yourself in this program!