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past events list

D

Dee.1983

Peer Supporter
What can go on this list - I'm struggling as I have a poor memory of my past good or bad.
I have a couple of random memories that might seems worth journaling about; like being given a second hand bike for my birthday and feeling quite upset it wasn't a new one but pretending I was really happy with it and then feeling guilty that I expected more. ( about the only memory of 'feeling' I have from a young age.
oddly my earliest memory is actually a dream.
But what about random happy memories like making up dance routines with friend around the age of 9/10
then more recently over the past decade or so big events like travel or moving my entire life but these were also quite happy although probably a little stressful.
Can they all go on the list ?
I'm really trying to dig deep and be honest with myself its but I'm pulling so many planks especially actually remembering how I felt at these times - sadly there's a bit of guess work going on.
 
Dee.1983 said:
I'm really trying to dig deep and be honest with myself its but I'm pulling so many planks especially actually remembering how I felt at these times
Click to expand...
Things will come to you as you go along. That’s why they tell you to keep adding to the list. You start with a few things and then more will come. The reason you can’t remember your feelings is you buried them— which is also why you have TMS. Your TMS brain is going to try to keep you from doing this work, so it will tell you that you don’t have anything to write about. But trust me, you do. Probably more than you know. If you’re willing to stay determined and stick with it—things will be revealed and you’ll be able to work through all of this. It might take time, but keep on going… don’t give up no matter what.

Usually memories are just the tip of the iceberg. The bike memory you named— it probably leads to all sorts of things.
 
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And (to add to Diana) the key is to stop overthinking and stop editing, and just write down whatever random thought comes into your mind. It doesn't fucking matter! Nobody will see or use your lists except you, and you'll shred everything anyway. To encourage this, you should be writing on crappy old notebook paper or reuse the back side of paper from the recycling bin.

The idea is to free (by putting them on paper) every single one of the random thoughts that come up. If any of them make you uncomfortable, for ANY reason, it's even more important to write those down and choose to examine them later, no matter (and I can't emphasize this enough) how "unimportant" your fearful brain tries to tell you they might be. Your fearful brain is not to be trusted with that assessment.

As Diana is also saying, you just never know where random thoughts will lead you. They don't have to be earth-shattering (mine weren't) but they will be revealing about how you and your fears navigate your life.
 
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