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Part of the pain better, but worse still remains

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by riverrat, Sep 30, 2016.

  1. riverrat

    riverrat Well known member

    So my back, tailbone, and leg sciatica pain is much better. I sit for a long time now, no cushion for my 8 hour work day at the computer and answering phones. That's great, but the pain that hurts me the most continues.
    ( Vaginal, rectal, perineum- burning, stabbing needle like feel, and pressure - mostly left sided- sorry for needing to be explicit in locations). That pain torments me seriously. It is so unbearable, but yet I continue moving on and trying my best to live life, do what i need to. Try to do things I even want to do through the pain.
    Trying so hard not to think about it. . But when it's there, how can I not? The pelvic pain did seem like it was improving some last month but it always gets a little better for it just to get worse. I see how it gets worse after stress.

    I Fell and sprained my ankle in August- doing much better and that's healing as it should. ( even though i would trade a sprained ankle for the rest of my life to be cured of my pelvic pain). Im Super healthy and rarely get sick even when others are sick around me, so I have a strong immune system which I'm thankful for! I had this pelvic pain over 10 years ago too for 3-4 years, then it got 80-90% better, enough that it didnt consume me like now. This came on 2 years ago after a lot of emotional turmoil. I also had neck and back issues almost 20 years ago from auto accident that also improved after a couple years.

    I think that if i wasn't stressed so often it would help. Court date on Monday coming up is heavy on my mind. My poor elderly mom is being harassed by a jerk neighbor. We have many of her neighbors and police chief coming to testify on her behalf. I just want him to leave her alone. It's a long story but I feel so bad for what shes going through. I am furious at that beast of a man. This strong emotion is not helpful. Before this mess with her neighbor last march, I was taking care if my terminally ill alcoholic brother last year. Plus 3 young kids at home and work. I just have a life like a soap opera with stuff always happening. I'm trying to get it calmed down. I keep telling myself the pain came on after tremendous stress so emotions are all that is behind the pain. Am I not really convinced? It's helped with the back. But why do I stay so stuck in the crotch pain? Do I fear subconsciencly it's some weird infection they can't find or something? Seems unlikely though. It has to be tms, right? Medically doctors see nothing wrong, they just said to go to pelvic floor therapy for muscle tension. I did - she made me feel worse. Plus tried chiropractor, accupuncture, osteopathy, massage, detoxing. No results. I sure fit the tms personality as well, so I know it has to tms. But I just don't know what else I need to do- I'm doing no physical treatments at all, journal, meditate, lots of deep breathing, visualizing, saying no to "some" of the many requests people ask of me, I'm delegating chores around the house a little to my kids and husbsnd. But I feel angry all the time at this mess with the bullying neighbor and and scared at that same time for my mom. And scared of the pain. Fear and anger. 2 emotions I wish I could wipe away... I just feel like crap everyday, and feel like I can never truly relax my body to feel fully relaxed through the pain. Do you think I have doubt deep down that I can heal?
     
  2. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Riverrat. Your neighbor bullying your mother are definitely part of the reason you are in TMS pain. Be as loving and supportive to your mother as you can, but try not to let it drag down your spirits. I'm glad to know you are getting some help at home from your husband and kids. Everyone needs to pitch in. It's what a family is all about.

    You also need to increase your belief in TMS, that the pain comes from your emotions and is not structural.
     
  3. riverrat

    riverrat Well known member

    Thanks Walt. We had a victory in court today - restraining order was granted. We still go back again in November too though. But i feel confident about it. Still wish all this was over. But hopefully with today going ok, I can start to see some of the tms pain leave. I need to learn to process my stress ( probably anger too) better AND as you said believe more.
     

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