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Parents of small children?

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Pandagirl, Nov 11, 2013.

  1. Wings313

    Wings313 Peer Supporter

    I'm with you, Painfreefuture, so glad I saw this post. I have a 2 1/2 year old, and my story is a little different in that for the first 10 months or so after she was born, I was quite happy. I could do the newborn thing (which was surprising because I've never been a kids person and actually wasn't totally sure I even wanted a kid). Then at some point I started getting unhappier and unhappier...I was a stay at home mom somewhat by choice, but also because I was laid off from my full-time job during maternity leave. I really needed to have gone back to work part-time (I have since done that). Anyway, I've had anxiety issues practically my whole life, mostly in the form of OCD. But my major physical symptom, which I now know is TMS, started when my daughter was about 16 months old, which interestingly correlated to when I weaned her from breast feeding. I think that does have something to do with it because my hormones were changing, I was having intense anxiety and panic attacks, etc.

    I too like many others feel like I should be so happy to have a child (and it was NOT easy for us to conceive), like, why can't I just be happy instead of battling depression, anxiety and TMS all the time? Why is it easier to be away from my child? Why does life seem harder NOW that I have a child vs my life before? But, clearly, this is normal. Especially for those of us that struggle with TMS issues.

    Njoy - I really liked all you said...made me smile and I can totally relate!
  2. North Star

    North Star Beloved Grand Eagle

    Painfreefuture - I'm so glad you found us too! Wings313, anxiety threw me for a serious loop when my youngest was about 4. Oh, those were hellish days. My oldest son's autism spectrum issues (he was 7) were in full force. No support to be found anywhere. I would wake up literally SHAKING like I was on one of those old vibrator beds from motels of yesteryear.

    If I recall correctly, my anxiety then shifted into crippling knee pain. And then the real pain parade began in earnest.

    And to all you beautiful moms, thank you for sharing so candidly. This is the sort of honesty is not something not many are willing to discuss. Ah, but we CAN discuss exhaustion and aches and pains with great enthusiasm!
  3. Painfreefuture

    Painfreefuture Peer Supporter

    Thank you for the replies and encouragement! Wing313 I remember anxiety skyrocketing after I quit nursing with my first (around 13 months). And yes, I think it was absolutely the hormones changing. Also, maybe at this time the honeymoon period is fading and the reality of motherhood is setting in. This happened to me when I got pregnant with number two. I had a terrible pregnancy and was sick the entire 9 months. With another child around, I realized I couldn't care for myself the way I used to and now needed to. Resentment, guilt, shame, and anger were all settling in without my awareness. I would shake and tremble, my heart was racing and no doctor could find anything wrong. Looking back now it was all anxiety probably due to TMS.

    And life absolutely is harder now with children, I don't think it just seems that way. But it is also full of joy. My girls help me laugh and smile and remember to stay in the present.

    And now I am learning and practicing expression of even my darkest feelings and fears. I am learning that I can't avoid the scary thoughts, because they just show up in other more destructive ways.

    I am so grateful to Dr. Sarno and Dr. Schubiner and Dr. Clarke and all those working towards this cause for defining this condition and getting the information out. I have hope again and I haven't felt that way for quite some time!

    Be well!!
    North Star likes this.
  4. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    My next-door neighbors came here from Ireland about four years ago.
    He is an executive and she is home taking care of their son and daughter.
    The husband traveled most of each month for the first three years
    so she was alone caring for the boy who was about six when they moved in]
    and the girl about four. Add four years to them now.

    The husband's job now is less travel but his work schedule is so heavy
    he is hardly home long enough to help with the kids except on weekends.

    I don't know how the wife does it. The husband makes tons of money
    but won't hire a house cleaner or give her any help, and it's a big house.
    She does the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning up, cleans the house,
    does the laundry and ironing, and drives the kids everywhere to all kinds of
    sports activities, and walks and take care of the dog the kids wanted but then have ignored.

    I don't know how mothers do it all!

    And Steve's words about the unexpected stresses young mothers get
    also show how much a change in life that can be.

    I hope you mothers can find some time for yourself and to be with good friends.
    North Star likes this.
  5. Wings313

    Wings313 Peer Supporter

    Thanks everyone. For those moms with older and/or adult children - does it get easier?! :) For your general sanity and also TMS? I've heard that but hoping it's true and that this incredibly difficult time with a toddler is a passing phase...
    North Star likes this.
  6. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Kids do grow up. I think they want love more than anything. Just like puppies.
  7. North Star

    North Star Beloved Grand Eagle

    Wings313- Be encouraged….it DOES get easier. It really does. Toddler days are just exhausting and there are no short cuts through it. Be sure to carve out some time for yourself…it's SO important! That was a challenge for me because my hubby worked mega hours and I had little support with 3 kids under 3 1/2. But I found even an hour out by myself made a huge difference. And I also decided that PBS kids was a gift from the universe. (We watched little TV back in those days.)

    So hang in there, mama!

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