parents of little ones?!?!??!!!!!!!!

[Andy Bayliss]

I love these tiny crazy people so much but sometimes I definitely hate their guts.

Made me laugh out loud. Welcome DaleP, and I love your expressions here about children. I used to teach grade school, including special programs for homeschoolers. I learned to love those homeschool families...

 

[Stevielawrence]

hi I just dropped my kids off at school for the first time since November. Re my prev post I do all my childcare so homeschooling is at an end. Just getting that 6 hour day break has felt like lead being taken off my body.

The endless winter weather n homeschooling sucked for my TMS. Despite being in pain for days I stood talking to another dad at the gates n his company are furloughed. He opened up to how mentally frustrated he was teaching his 5 year old whom he believes is dyslexic. I was able to reassure him I had the exact same thoughts as my kid was just not getting it.

But it was just the environment n our skills at not being able to teach a 5 year old maths. I mean 10 - 1 how hard can it be? Very hard when you get so anxious n your kid notices it and gets scared and just can’t think to answer.
Turns out several parents were feeling exact same. Nuts.

anyway the reason I post is while talking to him for 15 mins I never noticed not even 1 pain or twinge. The sun was shining I was feeling relieved and I noticed despite constant burning feet n back pain that not once did I feel it while talking to him. All the evidence I needed again to remind me it has to be TMS.

miffybunny I read your post about bringing up kids and Jesus it just reminds me of how stressful n lonely all that was. Being a dad as well was kinda isolated because it did just tend to be mums groups and I used to come away from these group things feeling even worse! but your right it passes. But it so resonated where a lot of my emotions are prob stored so thanks for posting.

I relate to the relentless winter weather and just being cooped up at home with everyone. Getting that break is tremendously helpful! What a wonderful shift in daily life. I used to teach middle school, and it is indeed very difficult at times, even more so if it is your own child and you don't get that chunk of time alone. (When I was teaching I wasn't a parent yet, so I could at least go home at 4 and relax!) Our toddler is starting a little "pre" pre school class this week I love that you and the other dad were able to open up and be honest about the difficulty. I really think that is one of the most important things in a healthy well-rounded life. It's not complaining - it's telling the truth and empathizing with another. I'm fascinated by how my family and my in-laws both subscribe to the mentality of being tough and never showing emotions, especially not vulnerable ones. it made me feel crazy when I first married him and saw that no one was expressing anything besides sarcasm and politeness. (You should meet his mother. LOL.)

I too struggled with large mom groups and came away feeling worse after interacting. I find it is just my nature to feel safer and have more clarity interacting one on one, especially when discussing something as complex and emotional for me as parenthood. Really nice to hear your experience, Jimmy.

 

[Stevielawrence]

Stevielawrence I feel you!!! My kids are older now (10, 8, and 5) but omg those two-year-olds are insane people! It's so, so challenging raising a toddler. I admire your honesty being able to say that you sometimes hate your kid. I have been homeschooling my kids for the past five years (yes, pre-pandemic lol!) and so that means I am with them ALL. THE. TIME. I love these tiny crazy people so much but sometimes I definitely hate their guts. And I pretty much credit them exclusively with causing my TMS, which even that feels horrible to say. I still have a long way to go in my healing (I only discovered TMS about a month ago, and this is my first forum post!) but it's good to know there are other moms (and dads!) out there going through this too.

Thank you for understanding! they are indeed crazy people! My husband and I sometimes watch our 2.5 year old and just laugh and say, "he is just a teeny tiny little person trying to figure it out." He is just raw emotion. He wants what he wants! I am amazed you home school all of them! Wow! It's really nice to chat with others on here who understand and empathize.

 

[Stevielawrence]

I think that a lot of aspects of motherhood are glamorized and there is a stigma about expressing anything negative. Even the way pregnancy, childbirth, and post partum, are usually portrayed in the movies and tv (and super annoying celebrities like Heelllarria Baldwin with her post baby yoga bod and the 6 nannies lol), is such a far cry from reality imo. FB is super fake too because people love to post the highlight reel but no one sees the struggles. Some women have hellish pregnancies and my own childbirth was straight out of a horror movie. No one ever talks about the reality of children with special needs or serious health problems. I also remember the day when both my kids were babies and toddlers, were incredibly exhausting and isolating. My days were loooong...park after park, meal after meal, nap after nap, endless diapers...punctuated by an occasional ice cream truck and overhearing other moms talk about potty training and sippy cups that didn't leak lol. The sheer monotony and loneliness weighed on me at times. Then there were the days of play dates that made me wish I was a 70's mom (kids just went outside and your mom had no idea where you were all day) or when you have to deal with school bullying and crappy school administrators. I would say though, that these stages are temporary though. Things do get easier. In my case not so much, because my younger one is severely autistic and will never talk or grow up. I have been able to reframe it though. I accept things more and see the joy more than I used to. And when I feel "negative" emotions like resentment or grief, I allow myself to feel them.

Absolutely Miffy Bunny. lol about Hellllarria - How nice to have 6 nannies! It's nice to hear from you that things get easier, especially after what you expressed about your son. I can imagine acceptance and reframing is a huge part of all of it. I was saying a little prayer last night before bed and said, God what do I need to learn about this pain and these symptoms? And I heard. Acceptance. let go of results. Gah! It's all I can really do about, but I want to do so much more. I often get it mixed up, where I think, if I just didn't have these symptoms I would be so happy, but I am finding the more I feel the feelings and heal and get happy first, the symptoms subside. And of course, even when I feel physically pretty good, I can still be miserable about a whole lot of others things. So it really is an inside job. I still have doubts - need surgery? Nerve damage? Old injury didn't heal right? Those voices Etc. - but just by coming here and expressing my recent emotional pain about motherhood has been a really helpful experience.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

I often get it mixed up, where I think, if I just didn't have these symptoms I would be so happy, but I am finding the more I feel the feelings and heal and get happy first, the symptoms subside. And of course, even when I feel physically pretty good, I can still be miserable about a whole lot of others things. So it really is an inside job.

I think this is a profound way to do your TMS work. I always recommend, to the degree a person is able:
1) Do the emotional work as primary ---as you point out, happiness tends to be more accessible at this level, by knowing peace, self-empathy, less self-pressure, defending against the Inner Critic. More accessible for most than trying to eliminate symptoms as primary objective.
2) Which puts less monitoring/pressure to rid symptoms
3) Which means less symptoms
4) And all this while gently connecting the symptoms with the emotional ---Dr. Sarno said think psychologically, and use your imagination about what the inner child might be feeling when you notice symptoms.
5) The more you do this, the more you might notice correlations between symptoms and emotions.
6) The more you notice the correlations, the less effective the 'strategy' of giving us symptoms works (less distraction, less fear, more "matter of fact"), so they subside.

In my personal experience, emotional suffering is more painful than symptoms, so with your approach Stevie, you're taking your work to where the suffering is deepest, and where the healing wants to occur.