Painful memories, is there a middle age crisis?!?

Hi,

Im having a major crisis right now, which coincided with some chronic pain relapses.

As you might ready know, I live alone, and loneliness is finally wearing me down. I had a lot of hobbies in the past, sometimes I traveled alone, with my camera, and I manage to stay somehow happy. I dint close the door to other women, but I had several disappointing dates, and just gave up. It's almost impossible to meet new people "available", and dating apps are killing me slowly.

I guess I have to find a way of being at ease with living alone. The problem is that my inner child got bored of all the hobbies and of being alone. It is screaming for company, and it is making me very anxious. Sometimes I can't even breath. It started with a choking sensation, it is better, but I still feel this irritability. I cry all the time which eases the pain/discomfort of being alone.

Anyway, the problem now is that everywhere I go, I got this memories from the past. They make me feel a deep pain, memories such as when my son was little, going for walks with my mum/wife, etc. The place where I live, changed a lot, and when you go to the cafe you find strange people, most of them, digital nomads, that had their eyes on their laptops, and don't even care if you exist or not. Also much younger.

I had similar crisis in the past, like when I enter adolescence, or when I go and live with my wife, or when my son was born.

I wonder, should you avoid these good but painful memories? Are all people nostalgic? Sometimes nostalgia makes me feel good, but in this crisis, it makes drews all my energy.

I wonder are these cruises/phases only temporary adaptation periods? Is there specific moments in one's life, where this is normal? Is this middle life crisis a myth, or real? Does your brain changes, to enter these new phases in live, not only getting old. I mean, I feel like a completely different person, since it last year.

Last question, can one live alone? With no love? No hugs, or human affection?

Thanks

 

I read your post and it reminds me of a time when I felt like I was a victim of my own thoughts. But we can control what we think or at least control how we react to our thoughts. Your thoughts are just passing by like the clouds in the sky. They don't define who you are or dictate how you need to feel. I think you could benefit from some guided meditation that helps you with this. Practice just being and not becoming attached to your thoughts.

 

Thanks Ellen. I feel old, obsolete. I never felt old before. The problem with life is that I feel like someone is behind me pushing me forward, and we all know what lies ahead. You have to reinvent yourself. Suddenly the things that make you happy in the past aren't enough, you lose your sight, your teeth. I hate change. I hate being alone with my thoughts. Freddie Mercury had all the money in the world and success, but still he felt very lonely. As I said, the worst feeling I had, when I was a child was feeling sad, because I never understood death. Nobody wants to die, even the ones that killed themselves. We are following the teaching if Sarno, that it is no longer with us.

It's easy to control your thoughts when you are not alone

 

Be grateful for what you have.

 

What you are describing is not going to be fixed by external things. Not a partner, not friends, not experiences, a job, possessions, etc. there’s always going to be low moments where you are alone with yourself and these thoughts of despair come creeping in. Death can be a horror on the horizon or it can be a teacher that is telling you to find joy with what you do have. To savor even mundane experiences and live them fully. Filipe find some form of spirituality, Buddhists and Hindus and various others of various beliefs spent their lives meditating and connecting with the universe and/or god and they believe there is more to life than just this reality. Have some faith that things aren’t just going to be shit and doom forever. You got through massive health struggles yet you’re hitting this major low. What does that tell you? I think you need a bigger internal shift to navigate this situation.

 

I feel different, the world feels different. Suddenly, I had more doubts now about the world than ever before... I just wish this is just a phase, entering the second half of my life. I fear my inner thoughts.

I read a lot about how you create your life, that life is a mirror of yourself, of your own thoughts. It make sense. If you don't control them your life will be miserable. Anyway, It gave me a lot of stress, and fear. It made me doubt about God.

I just wish there wasn't this mystery. That we all knew what on earth we are doing here. Where is Sarno? Can anyone tell? I m in this existential crisis...