Pain Wandering

I was reading The Great Pain Deception and somewhere in there, I read that if the pain moves, you've won the battle. I'm having SI joint pain that has switched sides now. I'm trying to not let it bother me but I'm having a hard time. It's making me really anxious and I just want this TMS to go away. I'm trying to stay positive but I just want to know that someday I'll beat it. I'm feeling discouraged in this flair up that has gone on for 5 months on and off. I just want it gone!!!

 

I have been on the forum for almost three months so I am relatively new too. I have had relief but also I have experienced all kinds of things now -today I have a strange head pain on my left side but even as I am writing I am able to hear it talking to me and what it is about. I came in because of low back pain and now I have had rashes, digestive stuff, and all kinds of pain but minor and if I tap in I am starting to be able to hear why it is there. I would say if you focus on trying to make it go away you may not get the message it is sending or the underlying reason for the pain. I know it is so hard - reaching out for support is the best thing and also the SEP can help. Have you done any journaling about life stressors or repressed emotions?
Lexy

 

Hi, COgirl. I like Lexylucy's reply to you. Try not to be impatient or discouraged that you haven't healed yet
or have new symptoms. I agree that you probably need to work more on TMS repressed emotions.

Has anything happened recent emotionally or psychologically that may have triggered a repressed emotion?
The SEP can really be helpful to discover repressed emotions, and they really do often go back to our childhood.

 

Lexy - I have done a lot of journaling and I'm actually working with a psychologist now because I've been working on this for awhile. I've examined lots of reasons for my pain and I feel like I understand and have gotten lots of insight from that. I know that I have lots of fear of the pain and preoccupation with it. I think that's why it's sticking around. My nervous system is in overload.

Walt - I've had a few things go on in the past couple months. My mom moved to the same city as me and while thats a good thing, there has been some complications with it. I also found out I am pregnant a couple weeks ago. I'm excited, but nervous at the same time.

Do you guys think that the fear of the pain and preoccupation are causing the symptoms to stick around? I also kind of feel like the TMS knows that I'm catching on and is trying to make me doubt the TMS process. Any ideas?

 

Hi. One of the things I have learned is that you can't really out think TMS. All of the investigation as to why it is there, monitoring, trying to make direct connections with the hope that once you've "figured it out" the pain will go away only helps it to manifest. It means the preoccupation with the pain is working, it is effectively distracting you. I really like Lexylucy's response, the pain is a signal, it is asking you to tune in to something deeper. The trick is to do that without getting anxious or discouraged if the pain does not immediately go away. It is developing the confidence that the pain is being caused by TMS and then discovering that it could go away at any moment. Or it might move, or the pain might increase, or it might just stay stuck...whatever works to keep you focused on it. I know how hard it is not to be preoccupied with it. And I know how frustrating it is when you are not rewarded with relief for your efforts. I wish myself that it was easier. After months and months of working on TMS, I went from not knowing how I was going to be able to live with the pain, to thinking that maybe I could live with the pain and still be happy, to not being able to remember the exact day when the pain went away. Stick with it, try to focus on the things that bring you joy, embrace your feelings, accept the anxiety, try not to monitor the pain and work on strategies to think of the pain less and the pain will go away.

 

Thanks Anne! That all makes sense.

On another note - I have dreams about a boy from my hometown that I grew up with almost every night. I really liked him growing up and I always felt like I wasn't good enough for him. These dreams that I have each night bring me back to that feeling of inadequacy and I can't help but think there's something to it. Does anyone have any thoughts on dreams?

 

Hi COGirl,

If your dreams are putting you in touch with childhood feelings of inadequacy, that sounds like a clue. Those are painful feelings, the kind that we might want to push away. Perhaps your unconscious is sending you a message that it's time to attend (gently and with self-compassion) to that hurt.

David.

 

David - I've discovered that those feelings of rejection and inadequacy go far back. I spent most of my childhood feeling that way from lots of different sources. I know this and I've examined all of this such as why I felt that way and how ive carried that into my current life at 30 years old. My dad was a tough one to please and he died when I was 19 too. I'm trying to attend to all of this, but I guess I dont really know how.

 

COgirl05, that is the main issue, you have to accept it, invite it, it's your friend wanting to tell you something that only you know.

 

COgirl, your post about feeling inadequate about a boyfriend reminds me...
I was about to propose to a girl I really liked (not sure I actually loved her),
but then learned she became engaged to another guy. I had felt I couldn't marry
at the time because I was just a cub reporter for the Chicago Tribune.

At her wedding, her mother whispered to me, "I wish she had married you.
Her husband works on a salvage boat in California."

I guess I'm lucky I stayed single.

 

COgirl --It sounds like you're on the right track. Those childhood feelings that we blocked out can be very hard to let back in, even when we're adults. I'm going through that now with a therapist who does intensive short-term psychodynamic therapy.

Unfortunately, many therapists aren't good at helping people get to those feelings. I've found that out by sad experience. If you've been with your therapist for a while and don't feel you're making progress, maybe someone more familiar with TMS could help you more.

 

David - Thanks for the input. I am working with a therapist at the Pain Psychology Center, so I feel like they are about as educated in TMS as they come. I really like mine - I'm just having a difficult time overcoming this. I just really wish I could LET GO! It's almost like I'm holding onto this when all I have to do is just let go, but I don't know how.

Do any of you have suggestions on how to stop the alarm bells from going off in your body when you feel pain? My pain now comes and goes all day and I feel like I get panicky whenever I feel it while I know I shouldn't and that's making it worse. Any other suggestions on this?

 

Cogirl05 Im really in the early stages of my TMS journey so Im not terribly educated on it yet but......I am having, like you, symptoms that come & go all day. Sometimes it disappears only to come back worse somewhere I've never had it before. I keep feeling like Im "re-injuring" my disks in my back....and the cycle continues. I did have a really good week to 10 days but that took a downturn a few days ago. The one thing I've found that does help "sometimes" is distraction. I just keep saying to myself "This pain in NOT from my back. My back is healthy and strong. This is from my TMS. I will not focus on the pain and let it control me any longer" and then I find something...anything that I enjoy to do to distract me. Read, watch a movie, HOT shower, loud music and sing, talk on the phone, go outside, play a game on my iphone Ha!.....if all else fails....I take a muscle relaxant and go to bed early and tell myself tomorrow will be a better day. Not sure if that's helpful at all but just my 2 cents...wish you good luck in learning to ignore and not care about the pain....its really challenging, but I see so many others have overcome this so why cant we????

 

oh and one more thing, "pain moving around means you've won the battle" certainly does not apply to me. Mine has been moving around for almost a year....that's a year before I even knew about TMS. My symptoms change minute to minute. Sometimes lower back, mid back, muscles in my upper back, elbow, knees, behind my knees, sciatica, numbness and pins & needles in both legs but mostly right, burning in right leg, burning or horrible pain in ankle, foot, toes, panic attacks, ibs, ringing in ears, room spinning etc I did have an acupuncturist from China once explain to me that the movement meant it was emotional pain.....that I had something called Qi stagnation....that my healing energy was blocked due to my negative emotions. Interesting....same concept as TMS!

 

Hi COgirl -- It sounds like you're getting the very best treatment. I'm in the thick of my own therapy, and I am far from done. But for what it's worth --

As I understand it, healing process is less about letting GO, and more about letting IN. Letting the feelings in. Don't lay should and shouldn't on yourself when it comes to your feelings. Your feelings are what they are, and you're entitled to have them. You have to let them in before you can let them go.

David.

 

Thanks everyone! Yes Dusty67 - I know we can get over this! I've actually known about Sarno for about 14 months and have been pain free for several of them. I have frequent flair-ups which is why I'm seeking further help. I've gone through some frustrating and stressful times in the past several months that have created tension internally, which is why I'm having more flair ups. I also just found out I'm pregnant a few weeks ago and I think I'm nervous about having 2 kids too, even though it was planned. I also haven't been exercising as much as I was because I haven't felt good and now I'm developing a little bit of the physicophobia (sp?) again! I was over it almost completely and it's starting to creep back in. I know the TMS is hanging on for dear life and is pulling out all of its tricks!

 

Congrats COgirl05 on your pregnancy. Having kids is a very exciting but also overwhelming and stressful time. I can relate. I have 2 boys. I always thought I'd just have one child but after the first we thought he definately needs a brother or a sister. They keep each other company and hang out together off & on. Its almost a 4 year spread between them which is difficult but they still love each other and when they are not beating on each other (ha) they are the best buddies Now I wish we had had more but Im past that stage of my life. Yes I keep getting flare ups as well and I know that I am creating my own tension internally. I really need to get into yoga or something to help relax my mind. Im learning a bit of mindful mediation so hopefully that will help. Exercise has been HUGE for me. I did not exercise before but I started swimming about 5 months ago and cannot miss a day. I feel my best and happiest when Im in the pool/hot tub/sauna. I swam during my pregnancies too and found that really helpful. This TMS sure digs in its claws sometimes doesn't it? This is a battle I do NOT intend on losing....it may knock me down but I am determined to get back up swinging! Best of luck in your journey