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Pain Support Groups and Friends in Pain

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Mehwish51, Apr 30, 2019.

  1. Mehwish51

    Mehwish51 Newcomer


    I have recently been diagnosed with TMS by Dr. Schubiner, and he suggested getting off the pain support groups on facebook (I have burning nerve pain in lower extremities). What about talking to people who I have become friends through these groups and we discuss our pains with each other? How do I stop talking to them? I feel bad for doing that.
  2. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Mehwish51,

    Welcome to the Forum and Wiki!

    You are very fortunate to have the understanding that there is nothing physically wrong with you, and to have Dr. Schubiner's help. Both items are huge in your recovery!

    Of course you feel bad. TMS'rs feel bad about not being nice people, as a rule. And, more deeply, I get that these relationships have value you to you, you feel connected. Tell them you've found your way out, put a link there to this site and Dr. Schubiner's, and tell them you'll check back when you're good. Explain that being in contact with them, as much as you feel connected, is not supportive of your recovery, not because they are bad people, but because you need a different kind of support.

    Regarding this site, develop some relationships here. Use the message function to reach out. Don't read threads about difficulties. Read success stories. Good luck!!

    I am glad you asked this question, because many who have come here have had to deal with leaving behind other forums, and I don't recall it actually being discussed.

    Andy B
    Mehwish51 likes this.
  3. Miriam G. Bongiovanni

    Miriam G. Bongiovanni Peer Supporter

    Hey Mehwish51,

    That's a very good question, and I understand the need to talk about our pains with other people who can understand.

    However, Dr Schubiner has a very good point. When we focus on our pains and hear other people's stories, we may be reinforcing the pain and making each other worse, unless we're very aware of what we are saying to each other. This happened to me and my mother; my mother started with leg pain, then I got the same pain two weeks later! Since we are human beings and are constantly seeking connection with others, sometimes our need to connect with one another can also result in suffering the same symptoms - incredible but true!

    Developing relationships in this forum as Andy B suggested will be a better alternative because here we are focused on healing and we know that this is possible. So the language we use is slightly different (and our brains are very susceptible to our language!) What about introducing your friends from the other forum to TMS and seeing whether they would be willing to explore it with you? To be quite blunt with you, if they are not willing to accept the TMS diagnosis but keep going on and on about how bad their symptoms are and about what DR X or Dr Y has told them, then yes, it would be better for you to cut those conversations short, as a way of protecting yourself. Otherwise, they will only keep on feeding doubts to you, and your subconscious brain will accept those suggestions, even though consciously you try to reject them...

    Mehwish51 and Duggit like this.

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