So today I read and listened to a lot of material pertaining to day 3 of the program. It was mostly about identifying the symptoms and how doing so gets me caught up in the pain which can increase miserably. What stood out to me in the readings and video was the example of the man and woman who couldn't sit because the pain intensified. We are conditioned to expect pain with certain activities. In my case it was in a number of ways 1. Sitting down to use the bathroom- I was angry at how low the bowl was and how hard the surface was. This caused me to sit on my trigger points which cause tear jerking spasms. I just had to buy an elevated toilet seat for $35 bucks to make life easier. Before I made my purchase I didn't use the bathroom instead a pail next to my bed. I made sure to eat little and drink little so I would t have to use. This was crazy indeed. But now the spasms are gone and going to the bathroom is easier with the new seat. Which I will work on giving up 2. Pain increased at night right before dream land. My numbness would intensify the nerve pain intensified. And I could t get comfortable. The. Again upon waking in the morning. Getting out of bed first thing was advoided u less I had to. 3. Sitting I could no longer sit on couch or lay on couch. No longer sit at the table or in the car. Sitting was more painful the anything. 4. Standing more that 3 mins and walking These 4 examples were what conditioned me to feel pain. Day 3 on the program and I'm wAlking more. Using the bathroom without fear. Today I drove. Everyday I'm starting to not fear the pain and by doing that the pain is so much more tolerable. I'm not going to write about past trauma now but I will say that yesterday I read something where someone said that we are far more than we think we are. If I think I'm worthless well that's a lie. It's all a perception change like a cable box. Many different channels. And different programs running at the same time and u can choose to tune in at any time. So I'm shifting my perception from fear and doom to possibilities, potential, and courage to know if I continue I will awaken to the truth which will vanish any false belief. Today I feel better and I'm choosing to not journal about my past trauma because it's so unimportant now. I'm basking in courage.