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Pain Continues To Return

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by NIClubber, Aug 17, 2015.

  1. Tennis Tom

    Tennis Tom Beloved Grand Eagle

    How 'bout medication? If your mind is racing so fast creating TMS anxiety that you can't focus on the emotional causes, Dr. Sarno had nothing against short-term use of tranquilizers or anti-depressants.
     
    Boston Redsox likes this.
  2. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    NIClubber,

    The hardest concept to grasp about TMS healing is that if we do these activities/exercises for the purpose of getting rid of our pain, they won't work. Believe me I know how hard this is to understand and live because I forget it almost daily. Healing from TMS is about letting go and not resisting the pain or other forms of suffering that come into our lives. It is about acceptance, as the quote from Jon Kabat-Zinn in my signature points to. The exercises and activities help us reduce our fear so that we can let go. This is so simple, but difficult to do because it goes entirely against our nature. We have pain so we want to DO something about it. But this is a form of resistance. Mindfulness meditation is the most effective practice to cultivate this letting go. Continue to do the work you are doing, but practice outcome independence. Do it and then let go and accept whatever happens.

    Wishing you the best...
     
    Anne Walker likes this.
  3. NIClubber

    NIClubber Peer Supporter

    So, just do exercise for the fun of exercise??

    I'm not against meditation, so will take a look at that, as well.

    My mind keeps coming up things I consider to be what I have repressed. Might I need to repress that???!!!!!!
     
  4. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    Yes!
    Just journal about them or talk to your therapist about them, but do it to learn more about yourself, not to specifically get rid of pain. But don't spend a lot of time trying to come up with stuff. As you learn more about yourself, you will see patterns of thinking and behavior that will come to you in an "a-ha moment", like a light bulb going off. At least that is how it has happened for me.

    Have fun and be good to yourself. You are to be commended for your willingness to do the work and your persistence.
     
    Anne Walker likes this.
  5. Markus

    Markus Guest

    Yes that's true, we are are what we believe! I've been away from the bible awhile but I know that's scriptural! It's amazing how a collection of words will move some but hardly do anything to another. Either way excellent original post.
    M
     
    Boston Redsox likes this.
  6. NIClubber

    NIClubber Peer Supporter

    Looks like there's a friend from primary school from 25+ years ago that goes to the same gym as me. I am hoping to re-connect with her and start enjoying myself again.

    I have been gradually getting back into a social life, but it is very slow.

    The only thing that seems to have worked for me is talking or writing about my emotions.
     
  7. blake

    blake Well known member

    Hi nlclubber,

    Like you I have the type of pain that comes and goes. For the longest part of my journey, every time the pain came back I would start getting anxious about why: why is it back? What am I doing wrong? What should I try next? This worked last time, why not now? It was my way of refusing to accept that I have tms.

    Now, when the pain comes back, I do 2 things:

    1. I try to get in touch with my emotions to see what I am repressing right in that moment. I do this just by relaxing my mind and body and going inside myself to see what is bothering me. And if it doesn't work...
    2. I do nothing!

    It's only tms. It's not dangerous. It always passes eventually. I tell myself that whatever I am repressing will come to the surface eventually. It always does. I go about my business the best I can, observe my fear thoughts, reassure myself and that's it.

    What do I mean when I say it's only tms? Let me illustrate with a sad little anecdote from my life right now. My 13-year-old son was injured recently. He was hit in the mouth with a floor hockey stick. The blow was so hard it knocked one of his teeth straight into the gum, another one broke in half and a third fell out completely. The pain was horrible and now he will need extensive dental work. He has lost his natural teeth for life. But the most painful part for him is that he can't do sports right now. He's so upset about this.

    Tms is not like that. It's 100 percent curable. When we have tms we don't need surgery, pills, treatment, special diets, special activities. All we need is whatever technique works best for us to get at those repressed emotions. And we can do any physical activity we want. Not many medical issues or diseases have such great conditions, wouldn't you say?

    Trust me I know how hard it is dealing with pain. But I promise you that eventually things will become clearer for you. The tms path will lead you where you want to go.

    All the best,
    Blake
     
  8. NIClubber

    NIClubber Peer Supporter

    My pain doesn't come and go for 99.9% of the time. It is there with me all the time. The only time it has gone is when I have magically figured out one of the many emotions I have been repressing. The pain ** ALWAYS ** comes back. This is the most frustrating thing about the condition.

    I believe the pain started when my mum told me I was two stone (28lbs) overweight. I am not anywhere near that. She told me to go to Weightwatchers and make some new friends.

    Either the pain is because of my mum being so horrible (as for most of my past) or it could be to do with my best friend essentially ditching me in favour of a woman he had only known five minutes. He has gone to marry this woman, but I decided not to go to the wedding as a protest to show how unhappy he had made me feel. I ended up sending him a text a couple of weeks ago. It was a toxic friendship and part of me feels like it is good that it is over, but another part of me feels angry with him for ending the friendship, without actually ending it.
     
  9. blake

    blake Well known member

    Hi nlclubber,

    Sorry to hear your pain is constant like that. That's very difficult to deal with, I'm sure.

    During my tms journey I've had to develop ways to deal with critical people in my life. Sounds like your mom really hurt you with her comment. When people use to criticize me I would either get really angry and start ruminating or completely fall apart. I've been working with a tms coach who helped me see and understand that my own inner critic is the one causing me all these problems. In the last few months, I've learned to stand up to that inner bully and it has made a big difference to my pain level.
     
  10. NIClubber

    NIClubber Peer Supporter

    Considering I was a volunteer in London in 2012 and in massive amounts of pain, it was destroying.

    I was also a volunteer at the Commonwealth Games last summer and that was wrecked by all the pain I was in.

    I have been working with a TMS person over the last year or so, as well as a couple of psychotherapists locally to see if I can figure out what's going on. My mind is working a lot better than it was in the past 20 years, but I still have a significant amount of pain.

    I believe that 90% of my medical symptoms over the years have been TMS related and that they have been caused by my mum's decisions - moving me to a different school, not letting me hav any say in what secondary school I went to, not letting me have any say in what apartment I live in, telling me not to be a volunteer at the Olympics as it would 'cost too much'.
     
  11. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, NIClubber, Meditation really helps take the mind off stressful things.

    I've found some excellent Mindfulness Meditation videos on Youtube.

    I especially like this one by Michael Sealey: "Guided Meditation for Detachment from Over-Thinking."
    His voice is very calming as he focuses on breathing in the present moment.
    It takes the mind off the merry-go-round of fear, anxiety, worry.
     
  12. David85

    David85 Peer Supporter

    Hi nlclubber,

    I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. It sounds like it has been a long ordeal but I want to encourage you not to give up hope. The fact that the pain goes away, even temporarily, when you uncover emotions, is good news for two reasons:
    1. It confirms that the pain is emotional, not physical, which could help confirm that it's TMS if you had any doubts.
    2. It shows that you can indeed be without pain. It may only be in spurts now but I think this opens the possibility that it could become the norm to not feel it.

    I also want to echo what a few others have said about no longer resisting the pain. It's difficult in theory and even more difficult in practice but only when I get to that point do I start to see relief of symptoms, paradoxically. Over time I went from constantly cursing the fact that others didn't have to deal with the pain I did, to accepting that even if the pain was there I could still find parts of life that where still worth living, to finally having a revelation that the fact that others didn't have to deal with the pain actually meant the pain was a gift for me, because it had been a catalyst for so much deep work & the inclusion of things in my life that helped me find meaning. Almost magically, when that final light switch went off for me, the pain disappeared.
     
  13. Anne Walker

    Anne Walker Beloved Grand Eagle

    "I had tried meditation, but only on my own. I normally find it difficult to relax as my mind is always 'working' ontrying to figure out what else I could be writing or talking about to get rid of the pains permanently." I think Ellen gave you some really invaluable advise. I feel a great deal of sympathy as I have suffered through dizziness and I know how unsettling, anxiety creating, and depressing it can be. My recovery took a very long time, over 3 years, and I am still recovering in many ways. But my life is so good now!! Somewhere along the way, it is important to commit to your ability to heal. The truly challenging part of this is that you need to make this leap before you are painfree, without any evidence that it will happen. This was tremendously difficult for me. I did not have any reference for what my life looked like without fear. I made the choice to believe in the possibility of a life not governed by pain. I made that choice over and over again. Persistence and patience. Each time you tell yourself that the pain always comes back, that nothing works, you are only reinforcing what is. Things can change, leave that door open whenever you can. I know firsthand how hard that is. I remember reading about a woman who had taken antibiotics and they somehow wiped out her balance center. Her world did not stop spinning and there was a verifiable, structural, physical reason for it. And yet, with time and a lot of therapy, her brain was able to create stability. It has been many years since I read her story, but it was a true inspiration to me. I have suffered dizziness at times and I often wondered how she was able to cope. Perhaps the truth is, she had no choice. No one chooses that kind of suffering, and yet somehow she persevered, and taught us something about the incredible power of our brains. Have hope, keep exploring your emotions, you may be closer than you realize.
     
    Allund, Ellen and Walt Oleksy like this.
  14. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Nlclubber. I like Anne's reply to your post. Persistence and patience are so necessary in TMS healing, and I add a third P: positive. Thinking positive that we will be free of pain helps so much to achieve that goal.

    I've been practicing mindfulness meditation and like what one practitioner said: "Your calm self always remains in the present moment."

    Also, I think a lot of people who haven't yet healed from TMS symptoms may be spending too much time each day thinking, or worrying about them
    and fearing they will never heal. It's important to think about, journal about, our TMS causes, but also important to take our minds off of them and
    enjoy ourselves. Find ways to be happy and to laugh.
     
    Anne Walker likes this.
  15. NIClubber

    NIClubber Peer Supporter

    I have tried pretty much all of the 'treatments' for TMS. The only one I haven't REALLY tried fully is affirmations. I will try that over the next few weeks.

    I have been going for weekly psychotherapy sessions, which is helping because it is opening my mind to other negative emotions. I am finding a lot of positive reactions to talking about GUILT, but the pain still persists. I am trying to enjoy my life and try to do more. I am persisting with going swimming three or four times a week. I am trying to become more productive in work (I work for the Civil Service in Northern Ireland).

    I am also trying to get going to a meditation class, possibly weekly at first.

    I am going to the U2 concert in Belfast in three weeks time, as well as planning for a four week trip to the USA in May of next year.

    I will try to keep you updated on my progress, but it is frustrating that I am not much further forward to finding a permanent fix for this TMS after discovering it a little over 18 months ago.
     
  16. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, NIClubber. Your U2 concert plans and a trip to the USA in May sound great. They will be wonderful distractions and confidence-builders.

    Affirmations are very helpful in counteracting Guilt. But if you aren't a serial killer, there isn't much to feel guilty about. You are probably just being too hard on yourself. As for problems with your Mom, she probably had or has TMS herself, so maybe try to forgive her.

    I meditate every day by saying the Rosary. It helps me to live in the moment, following Jesus and Mary through their lives.
     
  17. NIClubber

    NIClubber Peer Supporter

    My mum DOES have TMS - which I believe was triggered as she was angry at my dad for insisting on buying what ended up being their last home together, as he died in December last year. The house ended up being badly built and had numerous problems, which only just got finished before my dad fell ill.
     
  18. NIClubber

    NIClubber Peer Supporter

    Had another positive reaction to talking about GUILT ..... this time at being only focused on "superficial" things much in relation to one of my more recent dates who was massively overweight, rather than going deeper into people's personality. Again, the pain has returned.
     
  19. JacketSpud

    JacketSpud Peer Supporter

    You seem to harbor a great deal of anger towards your mother. I feel this might really be a problem in your recovery. You keep listing things she has done to make you have TMS. You have been having psychotherapy for approximately a year now. I would have thought you would have dealt with these feelings towards your mother. It doesn't sound like you have. At some point you need to let go of these feelings and move on from them. Not just say you've written about them, but truly, honestly move on. I know it's hard because a lot of my issues are to do with my mother. I'm not saying that this will cure you of all your pains but if you don't so it you may be missing out on a very crucial step. Sure, she told you that you were overweight even though you weren't as overweight as she thought - why was this so damaging to you? Was there more of an underlying thing? Did it just piss you off or is there something deeper?

    Good luck
     
  20. NIClubber

    NIClubber Peer Supporter

    She always seems to focus on unimportant things in life - she made me and my brother change schools when we were younger as there was a UK government report out that said it was educational beneficial for kids to be moved schools. Neither my brother nor I were ever asked what we wanted to do.

    She always seems to know she knows what's best for everyone. Her and my dad chose what secondary school I went to without consulting me or telling me about it until the decision had been made. She continually tells me what to do and expects me to do as she says.

    I am seriously considering cutting ALL contact with her as recently as August told me I was obese. She does not care about anyone other than herself. I have never once felt loved (conditional or unconditional) from her, my dad (who died last December) or my brother (two years older).

    She seems to have a great desire to control me at every opportunity, which is very hurtful, especially as I am now 38 years old, and it shows no signs of changing. She and my dad even bought me an apartment away from any nightlife, even though I'm still single. They have even paid around 90-95% of my mortgage, including quite a substantial deposit. Although that a lot of people would be very thankful of that, it will not give me any sense of achievement, nor does it give me much hope of meeting anyone out and about.

    She also blamed me (and my brother) for her losing out on a bigger pension as she worked part-time for quite a lot of years until I was 11 and able to look after myself a bit better.

    I was bullied for most of my time in secondary school (ages 11-16), but I wonder if maybe I felt more bullied at home. I even went as far as to attempt suicide because of the bullying in school, but nobody bothered to check afterwards to check the bullying had stopped (which of course it didn't).

    More than just being angry at my mum for numerous things, I'm also angry at the 'responsible adults', who didn't do their jobs back in the day. I know it's over twenty years ago, but still I feel nobody gives a damn about me.

    I know this is a long post, and I do apologise for it's detail, but I have talked and written about these things.
     

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