Day 17 Pain came back

I had several great days, and then a bad night's sleep last night, and woke up with pain, and sitting in pain. It was triggered by people from work wanting things before they left for vacation...no holiday for me, as I have been hurting for months, but we hoped to go away tomorrow for just 3-4 days. I do not want to give up vacation yet again because I do not feel well. It made me upset, and then the pain started. I have realised that I have a underlying feeling of self punishment, something from childhood, and it is a tough nut to crack...something I have been struggling with my whole life. Intellectually, it is ridiculous. I do not deserve pain...no one does, we are here to love and be loved. So, i am going to take a walk, continue to sit down out of cussedness even if it does hurt, and I am going on that vacation. I need time away as does my husband. I am sick of feeling like a victim. Enough already!

 

Happy Saturday, abuglet. I'm so glad you are going to go ahead and take your vacation. The extra work surely brought on the pain. Sitting is just an excuse your Inner Bully is creating. Your pain is not structural so it really does not come from sitting.

You seem to know what your repressed emotions are, going back to childhood. Try to discover them by journaling or just thinking about "the good old days" when you were young. Journaling helped me to realize my back aches were emotional, going back to when I was seven and my folks divorced.
I'm a real home person and need a lot of security, so their divorce left me with a lot of insecurity. Journaling helped me to realize they had their own TMS from financial problems and that helped me to understand them better and why they divorced. A year later they got back together but the insecurity remained in me. I've learned from TMS that most everyone is insecure for one reason or another. I can handle it now, and forgave my folks, even though they had long passed on.

I hope you will focus on your vacation and how good it will be to get away and enjoy yourself.