I had several great days, and then a bad night's sleep last night, and woke up with pain, and sitting in pain. It was triggered by people from work wanting things before they left for vacation...no holiday for me, as I have been hurting for months, but we hoped to go away tomorrow for just 3-4 days. I do not want to give up vacation yet again because I do not feel well. It made me upset, and then the pain started. I have realised that I have a underlying feeling of self punishment, something from childhood, and it is a tough nut to crack...something I have been struggling with my whole life. Intellectually, it is ridiculous. I do not deserve pain...no one does, we are here to love and be loved. So, i am going to take a walk, continue to sit down out of cussedness even if it does hurt, and I am going on that vacation. I need time away as does my husband. I am sick of feeling like a victim. Enough already!