Pain at work and not other times

[Rosebud1941]

Hi, I did find this website a few months ago and found it all very helpful. I was still one foot in, one foot out though. My latest 'diagnosis' is pudendal neuralgia. I had a few months of work and am now back. I did mention acupuncture here and with any treatment you try and do, I know your brain is still thinking it is a physical condition. I ignored advice here (Sorry!) and had a few weeks acupuncture treatment (more money spent!) and I just couldn't carry on. Apart from the expense I just knew this wasn't the right way.
Anyway I am back at work. I do part time shifts. I have noticed that my pain is better to even non existent when I am not working and I am at home. I love walking and I am actually walking more now. I do this in the mornings when I am at home. But when I do go in to do my shifts my pain is getting very intense. I can't sit, stand and it was so bad yesterday I was limping! I have read that if you subconsciously tell yourself that when you are doing things where you have experienced pain, the pain will come back again. I did think it was stress related, but I really don't feel any stress at work. I used to but things are better there and my colleagues are all very nice.
This is really beginning to get me down. I had two days off at the beginning of the week and I was fine.
Can I have some advice please!

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

I ignored advice here (Sorry!) and had a few weeks acupuncture treatment (more money spent!) and I just couldn't carry on. Apart from the expense I just knew this wasn't the right way.

No need to apologise! We all have to come to our own conclusions with our own symptoms, and whilst I appreciate the expense, if it solidified just a bit more what is really going on then it will probably be worth it in the long run

Anyway I am back at work. I do part time shifts. I have noticed that my pain is better to even non existent when I am not working and I am at home.

That's very telling! I have a few questions:

1. Are you able to describe your symptoms?

2. How much different are movements that you do at work compared to being at home? That includes asking really what you do for work. I say that because if you're also sitting at home for example (if you work in an office), then that points towards it not being due to movement or positions. If you walk around at work and you're in agony vs walking before walk and you basically feel nothing - then that's very strong evidence that it isn't a structural issue.

3. Is it possible to work from home, even just a few times total? It would be extremely interesting and valuable evidence wise to see what symptoms would do in that situation.

 

[Rosebud1941]

I have bad pain in perineum and uretha - mostly perineum. I have no pelvic pain but sometimes when I sit I feel the need to pee but I don't need to go when I visit loo. I was diagnosed with IC six years ago and had treatment. I got better then symptoms returned but it was diagnosed as pelvic floor dysfunction then pudendal neuralgia. I have had periods with no pain for a few months but it got worse and I had two months off this year. I am a support worker in a residential home. I do a lot of sitting upright but then even when I go out with the residents it is still hurting. I have been through all the reasons why its hurting - one is I keep being told it must be stress. I have had some stressful periods at work but we all go through stress and I know that with TMS you could be going through some kind of stress which can be normal in our lives. Dan Buglio went through a marriage break up!
I don't tend to sit upright at home. I tend to lie with a cushion under me in my front room. I do a lot of puzzles though so sit upright on my sofa and I am fine. I also go to the theatre and I can sit through a performance and suddenly realise I have not had any pain.
I was experiencing pain at home sometimes but like I said it seems to be better now. I have a bit of discomfort in the morning but I go for my walks, do some shopping return and rest a bit and I'm fine.
My pain sometimes just feels like soreness but at its worse its like I'm sitting on a knitting needle! Yesterday at work during a quiet period I sat with legs up on another chair. That felt easier but it was very bad so I called in sick. I do have quite a supportive manager though.
In the meantime, I am being pushed all over the place in different departments in hospital. I went to gynae and I am waiting for referral for dermatology. The other 'condition' that has been suggested is vulvodynia. But I know that all these conditions are on the TMS list.
I hope this all makes sense!

 

[BloodMoon]

I think the question has become what might your brain be associating with being at work, e.g. being required to sit, monitoring the pain, responsibility, vigilance, feeling unable to move, or something else about that environment.

 

[Rosebud1941]

Yes i have thought about this one and discussed it with a friend who also worked there. What do i associate this place with? After my IC treatment (hadnt heard of TMS then) i had some months pain free. Then i got this job and slowly my symptoms started to creep back. I wasnt really enjoying it at thst time. I'm wondering if the experiences i had and the stress is buried in my sub-conscious. I know i dont set out to my shift thinking of the pain.
Even though it crept up on me tje other day i talked to it! 'Oh hello its you again coming along for the ride. Well im not bothered'. Guess i'll have to work on that!

 

[BloodMoon]

Even though it crept up on me tje other day i talked to it! 'Oh hello its you again coming along for the ride. Well im not bothered'. Guess i'll have to work on that!

The “Oh, hello, it’s you again coming along for the ride” is good… you’re acknowledging it and then moving on. However, “well, I’m not bothered” is a different kettle of fish imo, because you are bothered by the symptoms but, if your brain were to believe that you're not bothered, then what's its possible next step?... maybe to ramp them up to get you bothered, and distracted, about them and by them. My suggestion is that instead of saying that, tell your brain that you’re safe, that it doesn’t need to give you symptoms, and get on with what you're doing as best you can (as you're currently doing), and when you can, do things to self-soothe and calm your nervous system.

Also, I’d suggest having a look at what you might be angry or irritated about. Our brains can sometimes produce symptoms even when we’re just irritated about something relatively minor... something you tell yourself is or should be no big deal in the great scheme of things when to you it is actually a big deal (and it is getting on your nerves).

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

Also, I’d suggest having a look at what you might be angry or irritated about. Our brains can sometimes produce symptoms even when we’re just irritated about something relatively minor... something you tell yourself is no big deal in the great scheme of things when to you it is actually a big deal (and it is getting on your nerves).

Completely agree.

have been through all the reasons why its hurting - one is I keep being told it must be stress. I have had some stressful periods at work but we all go through stress and I know that with TMS you could be going through some kind of stress which can be normal in our lives. Dan Buglio went through a marriage break up!

It's often not the stress itself but something, like @BloodMoon said, that you aren't fully realising how much it's getting to you. Those with TMS often deny and intellectualise their feelings away - I'm not saying this is happening but just to use a hypothetical in your case, say someone in the residential home is really getting on your nerves, part of you might think "oh I shouldn't be angry I'm the one supporting them" or "they don't mean it and it's part of the job, I can't let it get to me". When we do this the body protests our true feelings in the form of symptoms (because part of us doesn't care whether or not the feeling/emotion is justified, nor should it need to be really, we feel however we feel and that's ok). That's why those with TMS often heavily judge their own emotions, feelings and internal experiences. If I had to say, that's the main difference to me between those who get TMS and those who don't. It's not the external stress necessarily (it may be if it's ridiculously high), but rather how accepting someone is of their internal world.

I do a lot of puzzles though so sit upright on my sofa and I am fine. I also go to the theatre and I can sit through a performance and suddenly realise I have not had any pain.

That's great evidence that it's not the sitting itself!

 

[Rosebud1941]

Thank you for replies. I do tend to shut off my feelings about things. Its interesting BloodMoon what you said about the residents. I definitely think i have to be perfect and think nice thoughts about them! Also even after 4 years i still worry about doing things wrong and i dont feel confident even though i have good appraisals. I think its the people pleaser bit.
Ive also keyworked for one particular young girl for 4 years which has been a challenge but we always had a good relationship. Now she has completely turned against me and wont speak to me. But its upset me more than i realised. I keep wondering what i did wrong. She's leaving soon and i feel relieved but sad about it.

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

I definitely think i have to be perfect and think nice thoughts about them!

Aha! The thought policing of oneself is typical TMS. You're allowed to feel however you feel without guilt

 

[BloodMoon]

Its interesting BloodMoon what you said about the residents.

I can’t take credit for that, as it was @Adam Coloretti (coach)’s astuteness. However, I too did think it probably had something to do with your work. We get better when we’re honest and authentic with ourselves and as Adam also says, we’re allowed to feel how we feel, without guilt.

The young girl is probably dealing with all sorts of things in her own life and mind, which you aren’t responsible for, and unfairly directing some of that towards you. I don’t know her circumstances, but if she’s now a teenager, perhaps some of this could be part of what she’s going through at that age. I can appreciate that it’s hard not to become emotionally invested in these relationships, because you put time and energy into them and genuinely care. You’ll have tried your best with her, and at the end of the day, that’s all you can do. You will know this of course, but maybe it will help to hear it from someone else.