@GemmaLeanne
Like you, I thought I had a pretty "normal" childhood, but I was sensitive to the things I was "taught" by a needy parent and thus utilized many of the TMS personality traits without having any idea at all that was what I was doing. And like you, became VERY hard on myself. I had no idea. The idea of "sensitivity" - some kids may have been brought up in a similar situation as I was; taught through criticism, even though there was love it was not often offered freely, and I was often harshly judged. There were always strings attached. I'm sure my Mom had no idea herself that she had fallen into those habits. However, another kid raised in this environment may have thrived.
What ends up, is that we are deprived of "adulting" in many ways because our parents couldn't do it... those skills which really help people navigate the world and others. Learning to set boundaries - boundaries are for ourselves, but are like promises to ourselves not to let others cross. When they cross them, we decide what we will do about it. Probably unlike the little things you experienced growing up - like if you crossed someone elses boundary YOU were punished. That's not how boundaries work. It takes time to get there.
I encourage you to let go of the stories of your suffering. Releasing the chronic pain is one thing - but TMS brings a host of symptoms including psychological symptoms like anxiety, fear, and putting yourself in a bit of a victim role. You can break that habit by recognizing that TMS is a normal and natural function of the mind - not an illness, or a diagnoses or syndrome of any kind. This is self-compassion.
Self compassion is not just about replacing "negative" thoughts with positive thoughts - it's noticing the false thoughts and choosing TRUE thoughts. "Positivity" if not true is another habit that can sweep hard emotions under the rug. It's OK to have hard emotions, to find this journey difficult and to recognize all you've suffered. It takes time to build belief that you CAN feel so much better and not feel "debilitated".
1. Evidence Sheet - begin writing down times you either didn't focus on symptoms or didn't notice them. No specific time or date, just a general running list eg. Today I sat for a coffee break and for 5 minutes I didn't even notice my symptoms!
2. Keep up with your journaling. Lean into any emotions and then lean into them further. Often there is one "acceptable" layer of emotion we can get to, but there's other junk lurking underneath. Dr. Sarno specifically talks about the rage we don't even know we have. Don't worry about days that not much comes up. Every day you journal right now is a success. Whenever you need to express your emotions, do it as much as possible. It's OK to cry lots, you shed tears for that little you who put up with so much crap all her life. Eventually, she'll start feeling so much better.
The sadness and exhaustion are very much TMS symptoms and it's OK to feel that way. Know it's just where you are now, and you won't be there forever. Have patience with yourself. This work is hard.
3. Find things you enjoy or begin participating in things you used to enjoy but find it hard to enjoy now. Do these things without any purpose or reason other than just to do them.
4. Claire Weekes may see oldfashioned but her books talk directly about the anxiety, the depression, the times we have so much emotion and the other times we don't feel anything much at all, and the swirl of thoughts...she gives great direction of what to do with it all. Her books are small and people also have put up videos of her reading her own audio books. Those are fun because she really does sound like a little old Australian lady. It's like having grandma read you a book.
I love that you know you are in the right place. That is absolutely half the battle. Stick with it and you should begin to see changes. Keep on asking questions!
) want to add comments, they will certainly do so. There was no need to say so out loud, except to allow your TMS brain the opportunity to invalidate what I happen to think is a beautifully supportive comment from a new member to another new member, because how can that not be helpful??? 
