In a previous post, I was describing myself, and I said I didn't think perfectionist described myself. Baseball65
(I don't know how to link user's in this thread/forum) said IT IS the correct term.
I want to add more to this discussion, because I think it is a big emotional part of my life.
I think I have contradictory traits or mentalities that are constantly battling with each other in my mind. Many times I can think of hobbies, schoolwork, etc. that I have very much had a, "screw it" that is good enough approach. But eventually, I face the repercussions of that attitude, and I have extreme frustration/anger/disappointment/GUILT in myself, that what I did is NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
Again, maybe this is Perfectionist behavior. There are other aspects of myself, where I definitely acknowledge or identify as having what I think of as a classic perfectionist mentality.
I'm not sure why I'm harping on this, but I finished journalling a bit ago, and it was about guilt that I have felt my entire life over receiving any help, especially in the form of money, from my parents. My father was unemployed for a few periods of time during my childhood and I distinctly remember my brother telling me that for the first time, and that I couldn't ask for any big Christmas gifts. I am guessing I was around 7 or 8?
Ever since then, I felt such guilt whenever I would get school clothes, gifts, etc. I developed significant guilt/shame over materialism in general.
While I have acknowledged it in past, I am really becoming aware of GUILT being a major emotion in my life. One that I have not faced head on, but instead often just making jokes about Catholic Guilt, etc.
This is not directly addressing today's prompt, but I wrote in my journal, that I want to start giving myself love instead of the shame and negative feelings.
I am going to work on acknowledging when I have these feelings, without judgement, and then try to say goodbye to them. I'm ready to stop beating myself up so much.
Thanks.
(I don't know how to link user's in this thread/forum) said IT IS the correct term.
I want to add more to this discussion, because I think it is a big emotional part of my life.
I think I have contradictory traits or mentalities that are constantly battling with each other in my mind. Many times I can think of hobbies, schoolwork, etc. that I have very much had a, "screw it" that is good enough approach. But eventually, I face the repercussions of that attitude, and I have extreme frustration/anger/disappointment/GUILT in myself, that what I did is NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
Again, maybe this is Perfectionist behavior. There are other aspects of myself, where I definitely acknowledge or identify as having what I think of as a classic perfectionist mentality.
I'm not sure why I'm harping on this, but I finished journalling a bit ago, and it was about guilt that I have felt my entire life over receiving any help, especially in the form of money, from my parents. My father was unemployed for a few periods of time during my childhood and I distinctly remember my brother telling me that for the first time, and that I couldn't ask for any big Christmas gifts. I am guessing I was around 7 or 8?
Ever since then, I felt such guilt whenever I would get school clothes, gifts, etc. I developed significant guilt/shame over materialism in general.
While I have acknowledged it in past, I am really becoming aware of GUILT being a major emotion in my life. One that I have not faced head on, but instead often just making jokes about Catholic Guilt, etc.
This is not directly addressing today's prompt, but I wrote in my journal, that I want to start giving myself love instead of the shame and negative feelings.
I am going to work on acknowledging when I have these feelings, without judgement, and then try to say goodbye to them. I'm ready to stop beating myself up so much.
Thanks.