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Beloved Grand Eagle
there is no closure. it stems from cult religious upbringing. god and punishment. sins and punishment. do something wrong and you will end up in the firey pits of hell.
Have you explored much in the way of 'cult-busting'? (For want of a better word). Around a decade ago I did some untangling around this sorta stuff that was very clarifying. I wasn't deeply in it but enough to see it was quicksand. It swallowed up a one-time friend and he is lost now.