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Open letter to my personality trait (perfectionism)

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Patrisia, Sep 2, 2019.

  1. Patrisia

    Patrisia Peer Supporter

    Dear Perfectionism,

    Most days you make me feel incompetent, ugly, fat, worthless, lacking abilitied and jealous of others (who I deem perfect in one way or another). I won't let you make me feel this way because I love myself. I am done being tough on myself. I just want to be happy without worrying how I look, how thin I am, how much I achieved etc. You won't make feel bad about myself anymore. I have criticized myself for years and if I ever will point out a flaw to myself , it will be done with a huge dose of kindness and self-compassion.

    SRcombs and drlecter like this.
  2. SRcombs

    SRcombs Peer Supporter

    This is great. Kick that inner bully in the behind!! Affirmations are great for beating perfectionism. I've been using, "I do enough, I am enough" when I get on that perfectionist spiral.
    Patrisia likes this.
  3. Duggit

    Duggit Well known member

    Patrisia likes this.
  4. Miss Metta

    Miss Metta Peer Supporter

    Dear Patrisia
    Dammit, you caught me out! And I thought I'd hidden myself perfectly! I guess even perfectionism can't be perfect.
    What if I come back as "it's good enough", "just do what you can", "you do enough already" and "mistakes are awesome"?
    can I stay, then?
    Patrisia likes this.
  5. Cathsoe

    Cathsoe Newcomer

    Dear Patrisia,
    yes, that's great what you've written. In one side, I want to "kick" my inner bully too and want to think "I'm enough". But on an other side, I'm scared about that because I have the impression, deep inside, that perfectionnism gives me the courage to do things, to overcome every challenges I face, to go further.... , to always want to be better, to never give up. It's like an energy bomb.
    All the people who knows me describes me as perfectionnist, very stronged willing. What if, I am no more like that?? What will I do? My goal is alway to optimize, to perfect things, to make me better and better. It defines me, in a way.
    My job is perfect for perfectionnist (accountant). I'm good at it, enjoy when the results are perfect. I enjoy when my colleagues or the people I know say that I make things good. I can't bear to make mistakes. Make errors is for me a catastrophy, I feel ashamed of myself, because it implies that I'm not as good as they think. I have the impression, they are waiting a lot from me and that I have to deliver, whatever it costs. When I do well, I feel very good but this feeling doesn't last very long. When I do not so well, I feel empty and worthless. And then I have to do more and better. I want to be inaccessible, serene, calm in every situation, stable like a rock, ready to help everybody. Of course, I can't be like that. I tried, I failed, and I feel like a fraud.

    Since June I have back pain (piriformis syndrom), cannot work because of the pain. I'm not happy about that, have a lot of fear.... I follow as good as I can what Dr. Sarno proposes to cure TMS.
    I understand how works perfectionnism and I know how I became like that (thanks therapie, 11 years ago). For some time, I succeed to be more kind with me and to allow me not to be perfect but these last years, I dealed with a lot of problems (mother very ill, father died and kids very ill too) that my old demons became stronger than never. But I think also that they allowed me to help my family, to have enough courage to overcome the problems I faced at that time, instead of falling apart. It made me ill too. How to face this duality?
    I'm french and live in Germany. I hope for understanding if I made some wrong choices with the words I use to express myself.

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