Oops, I did it again?

Hi all,

I’ve been part of this community for well over a year now. About a year ago, I cured my chronic TMS pain in my neck and back, and about three months ago, I had a flareup in my feet, which I also cured.

In 25 days, I’m scheduled to run a half marathon, my first in four years. Ever since I began this healing journey, I targeted this date as something of a culmination of all my hard work. Running was the vehicle that got me to accept that my neck and back pain was TMS, and by competing this race again pain free, I felt like I would finally be conquering it for good.

Also, in a few months, I’m traveling abroad to do a grueling 75-mile, nine-day hike.

This week, I was supposed to begin personal training for said hike. The idea of starting that, which would involve lots of strength training, got me worried that I would get injured and not be able to do the half.

Then, last Friday, when I went out for a 10-mile run, I felt tremendous pain from my right hip down to my right knee. I told myself that it was probably TMS, and I encouraged myself to think psychological, not physical, but the pain didn’t go away.

It then hit really hard Friday night, and has ebbed and flowed since then. A doctor told me I’m suffering from an extremely tight IT band, and prescribed me physical therapy, which I started yesterday.

I’ve been distraught since Friday. I’ve been living in fear, closely monitoring the pain level in my knee. I’ve convinced that I won’t be able to run my half marathon, nor go on the hike.

And then tonight, it hit me. Is this TMS?

On Thursday, one day before my run, I had a very distressing family event. I didn’t deal with that anger, and instead pushed it down. Then I went on the run, and felt the pain, and my fears about missing the half materialized.

I really am in a lot of pain. But, the more I think about it, the more the math makes sense. Fear + anger + stressed about timing = injury.

Does anyone here have experience with IT band syndrome? If so, is it typically TMS? (I got an X-Ray of my knee and hip which showed no structural damage but not an MRI.)

 

I think you know this is TMS. That tiny voice of doubt is what is keeping the pain in place. I suggest that you keep writing out all the reasons it is TMS, like you did in your post. Include all the reasons you are angry regarding the family event. Maybe try an unsent letter to the people you are angry with. And try some somatic tracking when you feel the pain (mindfulness).

The trip sounds wonderful and I think you can get lost in the experience and the joy of it, if you let yourself.

The good news about a TMS relapse, from my personal experience, is that once you remove the doubt and admit you have TMS fully, recovery is very quick. Your mind remembers all the times you've recovered before.

Bon voyage!

 

I believe someone on this forum at one point pointed out that if it has a syndrome at the end... well, you can safely count it as TMS.

 

The "diagnosis" is just describing the symptoms.

 

Thank you for this, @Ellen and @HealingMe. I'm like 90% sure this is TMS -- the timeline just makes too much sense. One thing that has me hung up: I've seen conflicting reports from runners over the years on if IT Band Syndrome is typically TMS. Some people say yes, some say no. But, @Ellen, that is a good point on the diagnosis just being a description of the symptoms -- and symptoms, as knew, show up as a result of TMS, but aren't themselves indicative of anything structurally wrong. To that end, the doctor did an X-Ray of me knees and hips, and found no structural damage. I do kind of wish he had also done an MRI, to give me even more proof that nothing is wrong.

 

Gah! No you don't!
An MRI doesn't prove "nothing is wrong" as a matter of fact, the tech might find all kinds of abnormal normalities and will sight them on your results even before your medical professional looks at them. On my MRI's the tech noted about 10 "problems" but the neurosurgeon who reviewed the images said they were all normal findings that don't cause pain in most of his patients...

Start looking within at the current pressures in your life, your anger, how you feel about yourself right now and how you feel about running?

 

I had the "diagnosis" of fibromyalgia for 20 years. It means "pain in the muscles." Thanks, doc!

 

Yep let me describe what you are going through back to you (in case you forgot what you were going through despite the 24/7 pain and it impacting your entire life) but in Greek/Latin instead!

 

One thing that’s given me pause: the pain came on while I was running, and as it happened, I said to myself, ‘This is probably TMS. It will pass.’ I tried to think psychologically, but the pain didn’t stop. Is that not an argument against it being TMS?

Had an up-and-down day today. Some moments of no pain, and some moments of intense pain. But I guess the variance does prove that it’s TMS? Because if something was structurally wrong it would hurt all the time, not intermittently?

 

I'm not trying to be clever and I empathise with you, but this sequence of events to me is very very predictable (and I see it all the time from a TMS perspective).

Firstly, I understand the desire to bookmark healing and conquer TMS for good, but what message does that send to the brain? If you understand that TMS healing is about proper knowledge and also really just being yourself + self-compassion (inner work), then the first part you can't lose the knowledge so that is already complete, and the second part is a life-long journey. That doesn't mean you have pain forever (I am recovered myself), but the work that got me better never ends (not because I need it to ward off pain, but because it's so valuable anyway to life and fulfilment). Trying to have a "I'm healed" moment to me still carries with it fear (which manifests as desperation) which is fuel for TMS (the fact that, despite your history with TMS, you went and saw a doctor so quickly also makes me think fear is very high - reassuring yourself that it's TMS doesn't necessarily work instantaneously all the time to answer your question above - especially given your fear levels for the other reasons I discussed - it's given you a diagnosis now to latch onto where a few more days may have given you some clarity - also, the doctor diagnosing that rather than getting that opinion from a physical therapist seems strange to me and jumping the gun). It also risks sending the implicit message to your brain that you're damaged (even if consciously you know it's TMS), because what things can you more accurately have a "I'm healed" moment with? Structural issues (like an injury which heals - you can complete rehabilitation for most things and there's a clear point at which you recover). Ironically, being indifferent as to when that moment is results in the best long term results with TMS.

Because this was your "I'm healed" moment this also puts you under a lot of pressure and makes this marathon very very important (if I complete this pain free I'm cured is a huge amount of pressure - everything is riding on this moment). Because of this, it makes sense to me why you'd be scared of the strength training and worried about injury (because if you knew it was TMS, why would you necessarily be scared of an injury through supervised strength training? As long as you have good technique there's no specific reason).

All this fear is culminating and putting you in a fear state where the stakes are high (add to that the distressing family event). You go on a run in that state, and even if the pain on that run began at a lower intensity (it can happen in a second that it ramps right up - so even if it didn't feel like it started smaller than it did it probably did), you will freak out about it in an instant (largely subconsciously) and that makes it 100 times worse. If you were in a calm, relaxed state from this run after not putting as much importance into this marathon (I'm not judging you and I understand why you would - I'm just explaining the mechanism), then I doubt this would have happened (assuming it's TMS).

As it relates to IT band - I want to share what it says in the TMS guide (written by Dr Schubiner and other experts) - "As with many conditions linked to overuse of an area, pain can develop after a high level of exercise and also after injury. However, the IT band is made of fibrous tissue that, if overused and injured, will heal." It then says as it relates to TMS - "Assess for PPD (which is TMS same thing) if the symptoms become chronic (persist for longer than a few weeks)".

I'm not a physical therapist, but IT band syndrome seems more like an overuse injury. If you haven't been doing much running recently or haven't been overdoing it necessarily, then that points to TMS.

Is the doctor a physical therapist and did they give you the physical therapy or were you referred?

Happy to discuss further

 

Thanks so much for this thorough response, Adam. I definitely hear you on my putting too much pressure on this. But I’m a little confused by the end of your message. I had been running a lot lately, which does lend credibility to the theory of this being an overuse injury. If that’s the case, does that mean this isn’t TMS?

 

If it was this easy, this Forum wouldn't exist. Most TMS recovery programs are 6 weeks long. Many of us still have to do more after that. It takes practice and persistence, as well as a deep dive into our psyche.

 

lmao.
Hyperacusis means “I hear too much”

 

Great point.

I took all of y'alls advice and spent the dayreflecting on the role running plays in my life, as well as everything else going on in my life (at a spa/bath house, which helped with relaxation!). I also listed to a couple of Alan Gordon's podcasts and went on an hourlong walk. It wasn't pain free, but when the pain hit, I would say to myself "outcome independence, outcome independence" and the pain would melt away. I also said it during moments without pain -- trying to remind my mind to not buy into the drama I've been telling myself for a week. Don't think I'm out of the woods yet, as the pain is still here, but I can't help but laugh -- this thing got me again! I have a PT appointment in a couple hours, which feels silly, given my changed mindset, but alas.

 

That is true! I wasn't sure how much running you'd been doing lately - it would also be good to get the opinion of a physiotherapist on that (if you're already seeing one). The signs of TMS are strong, but as the guide indicates it's really too early to tell (it's not always possible with a new symptom to know straight away). I would monitor it for a few weeks and that will give you more data