1. Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this updated link: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/
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On the run

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by LittleWildflower, Feb 2, 2023.

  1. LittleWildflower

    LittleWildflower New Member

    I honestly didn’t expect things to progress this quickly! I haven’t even finished the book yet! Anyway, so I decided today that I was going to get up, stop ‘resting’ (see: avoiding everything, my fear, any symptoms, pain) and just got on with my day. I’m packing the house up as we’re moving at the end of the month. Had a few symptoms. Said to myself okay, knock me out… it tried but it didn’t succeed. I carried on. AND THEN IT CHANGED. Foot cramps! Aching arms! Shooting pains in my hands that I’ve never had before!! And my usual symptoms are ebbing and flowing. I mean… wow…

    I do feel weak and dizzy still but I think that reasonable as I haven’t moved much in nearly a year.

    But I am determined now. I am getting out of my head and into my body. I am distracting myself from my TMS distractions with purpose, life, action. I am not going to stop or change my actions or my life to accommodate TMS another second. It will have to kill me. I will NOT live in fear of this anymore. I’m not allowing my pity party to continue another second. I put my hands up and freely admit I have definitely been sulking, avoiding my responsibilities, hiding from things that scare me, hiding from painful situations and things I didn’t want to do. I have made myself completely helpless just wanting someone to pick me up and coddle me. And I respect that, I recently became estranged from my mother and have spent many years wishing she loved me but she just isn’t capable. And obviously, that would mess anyone up. I’ve been really hurt from that. I can’t imagine what my unconscious self has been feeling. Especially as I’ve been refusing to express it- I’ve spent so many years crying and shouting about my past I started to believe I was a burden on my family/friends because it seemed to be all I spoke about. So I bottled it all up to save their ears. To appear happy and strong. Instead it just rotted me from the inside out.

    Lesson learned.

    I need to find an outlet now, someone who can witness all the gunk I need to purge from my weary soul to maintain the balance. I can’t risk holding this all in ever again.
    TG957, JanAtheCPA and Mr Hip Guy like this.
  2. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Awesome post @LittleWildflower. Hang in there, it's going to be an interesting, challenging, and ultimately fulfilling ride. You go, girl!
  3. TG957

    TG957 Beloved Grand Eagle

    Wow! What a ride! Be patient, be brave, be open-minded!
  4. Sharada Devi

    Sharada Devi New Member

    Well done you've got some wins and a good deal more self awareness. Enjoy your wins to the fullest, milk them for every bit of goodness they hold. When the down moments come, and the most often do, don't make up any stories or nurse any fears. Ask yourself what you are afraid of? The answer to that often hold the key to getting to a better place. welcome
    PainNoMore likes this.

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