Today we're supposed to write about a personality trait that might be contributing to TMS and how it affects us. I'm not sure exactly how to call this trait, but I'm naming it the "I'll Do It" person. If no one mobilizes or takes initiative, I'm always, always the one stepping up. Then the thoughts come:
- What does everybody want or feel or need here that I need to consider?
- How are they judging me as I make the decision for the group?
- Is this the right decision, or are there other options or comparable choices?
This affects me because I can't simply make decisions. I have to consider, or guess, more likely, what everyone's desires and feelings are. Then I internalize stress because I'm worried that if I get it wrong, I'll be judged, and it feels like a feedback loop for being hard on myself.
I think this is another version of overextending myself, and in some ways it's another version of overextending my family. It affects me because it makes it harder for me to focus and be present in the moment as well. I'm not sure where that desire to overextend and commit to too many things comes from. Perhaps it's a shield or a cover where I don't want to look internally. I'd rather be focused on supporting lots of different people and doing lots of different things as distractions. I do think that always volunteering and taking initiative and overextending myself has been a distraction from being at peace internally. In some ways, it's a form of anxiety I have. I've talked about how my mom does this. We both put on the same "cape" of being the emotional, empathetic, and outreaching people in our family that take care of others and make things happen.
It feels exhausting. Even now, as I try to be compassionate to myself, my mind spins thinking about how I could be reaching out to family members or checking in on friends, or coordinating social events with peers. It's also hard to think about this because my wife and I are very social people. We have a fear of letting people down. I also have a fear of letting her down sometimes too. I need to catch myself in these moments and remind myself that I am okay and that the life I built and the family I have are okay. I need to be proud of my accomplishments and strive to find more inner peace so that I can actually enjoy the things right in front of me.
- What does everybody want or feel or need here that I need to consider?
- How are they judging me as I make the decision for the group?
- Is this the right decision, or are there other options or comparable choices?
This affects me because I can't simply make decisions. I have to consider, or guess, more likely, what everyone's desires and feelings are. Then I internalize stress because I'm worried that if I get it wrong, I'll be judged, and it feels like a feedback loop for being hard on myself.
I think this is another version of overextending myself, and in some ways it's another version of overextending my family. It affects me because it makes it harder for me to focus and be present in the moment as well. I'm not sure where that desire to overextend and commit to too many things comes from. Perhaps it's a shield or a cover where I don't want to look internally. I'd rather be focused on supporting lots of different people and doing lots of different things as distractions. I do think that always volunteering and taking initiative and overextending myself has been a distraction from being at peace internally. In some ways, it's a form of anxiety I have. I've talked about how my mom does this. We both put on the same "cape" of being the emotional, empathetic, and outreaching people in our family that take care of others and make things happen.
It feels exhausting. Even now, as I try to be compassionate to myself, my mind spins thinking about how I could be reaching out to family members or checking in on friends, or coordinating social events with peers. It's also hard to think about this because my wife and I are very social people. We have a fear of letting people down. I also have a fear of letting her down sometimes too. I need to catch myself in these moments and remind myself that I am okay and that the life I built and the family I have are okay. I need to be proud of my accomplishments and strive to find more inner peace so that I can actually enjoy the things right in front of me.
