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On my personal case

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by chickenbone, Dec 15, 2013.

  1. chickenbone

    chickenbone Well known member

    Hi Everyone. I have been on these forums for some time, but have so far never posted on this subforum for personal support. I now feel the need for some personal support since I am starting to get to the bottom of some of my TMS issues. Most of it involves the realization of some very traumatic childhood events that I have repressed most of my life. I am continuing to remember more and more of it, but it is hard because I become so agitated and upset when I think of these things. It is very scary sometimes. On the other hand, if I continue to repress/suppress these flashbacks/memories (as I did for most of my life), my TMS symptoms become really bad. So I am sort of between a rock and a hard place.

    Yesterday, I experienced a very bad TMS episode. It came in the form of a huge allergy attack, it felt like all the histamine spigots in my body were all turned on full blast. I think what brought this on was that my husband and I recently planned a trip to the US in July of 2014. Although it is far away, I was starting to feel anxiety. However, the anxious feelings about the upcoming trip were replaced with severe fear and anxiety about having symptoms on the trip, a typical TMS response. Our unconscious TMS strategies try to take us further and further away from the real TRUTH. So last night I used a combination of Zantac and Benedryl, plus a heavy dose of somatic experiencing and EFT. Medication never works alone for any of my TMS symptoms because my unconscious mind can render the meds useless, but in combination with various TMS mental techniques, I have had some real success. Now, I am trying to make myself feel the fear and anxiety, bringing it from a unconscious to conscious level. Needless to say, I am currently very uncomfortable.

    I harbor tremendous anger and fear about what happened to me as a child (involving physical abuse, but not by my parents). When I allow myself to think about it, I come to a point where I fear the anger that I feel and so I go back to repression and denial. perhaps a professional could help me deal with this.

    One huge difficulty for me is that my husband and I retired to Panama and I have no chance of therapy here. Unfortunately, travel is one of my phobias because of childhood issues. I really feel the need for some sort of professional help. I was wondering if maybe I could arrange for this over SKYPE.

    Can any of you offer any suggestions?
  2. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, chickenbone.
    I recommend you read Dr. Claire Weekes' book, Hope and Help for Your Nerves. She's a doctor in Australia.
    It's especially good for suggesting techniques for relieving stress caused by travel anxieties.

    My thinking is, it may not be the thought of traveling that make you anxious but the people and events
    you encounter returning to the U.S. It would be great if you could come to terms with the childhood abuse.
    That's probably the root cause of your anxiety.

    It helps to forgive and also to consider that the abuse came from someone who was sick.

    There may be used copies of Weekes' book at amazon.com books.
  3. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Chickenbone, maybe this photo of my dog Annie will cheer you up.
    I took it last night while she was looking out our front window for Santa Claus.

    annie at window 3.jpg
  4. chickenbone

    chickenbone Well known member

    Hi Walt, thanks for responding. I actually have Clare Weekes book right on my coffee table. I have read the whole thing at least twice and I often read parts of it when I have these spells. Her book has been priceless, especially the part about facing, accepting, floating and letting time pass. It is just a slow process and I am at the point where I think I need someone to talk to about it. I cycle through many symptoms after having periods of months at at time with very little problems.

    I will look up in her book where she talks about travel phobia, I don't remember that part very well. Thanks for pointing that out.

    Thanks again.
  5. chickenbone

    chickenbone Well known member

    Oh and I love the picture of your dog. She looks like a real sweetheart, I could just hug her. I love dogs - I have five of my own and they are everything to me and my husband.
  6. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Chickenbone, Weekes writes about travel in chapter 8, page 58. She focuses on agoraphobia, which I've had for years,
    before I learned it is TMS. We have to keep pushing ourselves to travel even if we'd rather not.

    It's a problem a lot of people have. You may just not like to fly. I don't. Jackie Gleason didn't. He said
    "The only way to fly is to take the train." Many athletes and sports announcers won't fly. They take the train or drive.

    Kind of hard not to fly to the U.S. from Panama.
  7. North Star

    North Star Beloved Grand Eagle

    Chickenbone, Seeing the name "Panama" perked up my attention….hubby and I would like to travel there one day. It looks like a lovely country!

    If you snoop around here on the forum, there is a list of therapist who DO Skype or do therapy over the phone. I'm considering "seeing" one myself if I feel like I get stalled out on my progress. I live in Montana..it may as well be Panama for how easy it is to get good care, much less a TMS therapist.

    Good luck!
  8. Redditor

    Redditor Peer Supporter

    Why did you take Zantac? Was that prescribed by a doctor?
  9. chickenbone

    chickenbone Well known member

    Actually, my husband is a doctor and Zantac is non-prescription in most places. I hate to take medication in general, but I particularly dislike these 2 meds because they make me so out of it. But this was the third bad allergy attack I had in 3 days and I just had to get rid of the symptoms. Doctors often prescribe these 2 together for bad allergy attacks like hives. That is why I took it. I hardly ever take meds if I can avoid it. I do have to take some to get sleep.

    I have been very unhappy lately because there is so much I dislike about living in Panama. I live in a beautiful place on the beach, but it often becomes like a prison for me. I feel so guilty saying that when I think of all the unfortunate people in the world who would give anything to have what I have. I am so bored here and I hate the hot, humid weather. I am happier here in the morning and the evening, but the heat gets me so bad in the daytime when I am driven by my hyperactivity to do something constructive. I adapted very poorly to forced retirement (my husband is 8 years older and insisted on retirement). I would give anything to be able to work. My visa does not allow me to work here, although I am involved on and off in rescue projects with children and animals. When I get depressed like this, all I do is imagine I have all sorts of terminal illnesses and create symptoms for myself. Last January, I was very successful in my TMS work and was practically symptom-free and fairly happy for about 10 months. Then the hatred of Panama came back with a vengeance and with it all the hypochondria and TMS. I have actually not had a thorough check-up for a couple of years, have had all the female stuff done. However these are symptoms I have been dealing with all my life like nasal congestion, back pain. It comes and goes.

    My husband thinks I should get away for awhile, go visit my friend in Arizona, but I fear travel. I can overcome it if I have to and he is probably right, I need to get away. I really try so hard to like Panama and there are things I do like about it. But I really miss having English speaking people to talk to, There are some here but not many.
  10. chickenbone

    chickenbone Well known member

    North Star, I didn't mean to put you off about Panama, it is a really nice place, but it will never be the US. I am very critical of the US and what is going on there, but I miss my roots. We have been here for almost 9 years with only occasional trips back to the US. I just miss Americans. It seems like I never appreciated them when I lived there. I suspect that I may not be happy returning to live in the nanny state after being away for so long.
  11. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Chickenbone... five dogs! Five times the love from one dog? I wouldn't get anything done, but who would care?

    I wish there were some way you could be happier in Panama. I too would find it hard not to be around people
    who speak English. But glad you're doing some volunteer work with children and animals.

    I'm 83 and don't ever want to retire. I've been a writer all my life, on newspapers, magazine, and have been
    writing books or the past 40 years. I don't make much money but like sharing my ideas.
  12. chickenbone

    chickenbone Well known member

    Walt, sounds like you are doing great for 83 - keep up the good work! Your work sounds very interesting.

    Yes, I really love my five dogs.
  13. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Five dogs! I can't imagine Annie times 5, but it must be great.

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