Hi Everyone. I have been on these forums for some time, but have so far never posted on this subforum for personal support. I now feel the need for some personal support since I am starting to get to the bottom of some of my TMS issues. Most of it involves the realization of some very traumatic childhood events that I have repressed most of my life. I am continuing to remember more and more of it, but it is hard because I become so agitated and upset when I think of these things. It is very scary sometimes. On the other hand, if I continue to repress/suppress these flashbacks/memories (as I did for most of my life), my TMS symptoms become really bad. So I am sort of between a rock and a hard place. Yesterday, I experienced a very bad TMS episode. It came in the form of a huge allergy attack, it felt like all the histamine spigots in my body were all turned on full blast. I think what brought this on was that my husband and I recently planned a trip to the US in July of 2014. Although it is far away, I was starting to feel anxiety. However, the anxious feelings about the upcoming trip were replaced with severe fear and anxiety about having symptoms on the trip, a typical TMS response. Our unconscious TMS strategies try to take us further and further away from the real TRUTH. So last night I used a combination of Zantac and Benedryl, plus a heavy dose of somatic experiencing and EFT. Medication never works alone for any of my TMS symptoms because my unconscious mind can render the meds useless, but in combination with various TMS mental techniques, I have had some real success. Now, I am trying to make myself feel the fear and anxiety, bringing it from a unconscious to conscious level. Needless to say, I am currently very uncomfortable. I harbor tremendous anger and fear about what happened to me as a child (involving physical abuse, but not by my parents). When I allow myself to think about it, I come to a point where I fear the anger that I feel and so I go back to repression and denial. perhaps a professional could help me deal with this. One huge difficulty for me is that my husband and I retired to Panama and I have no chance of therapy here. Unfortunately, travel is one of my phobias because of childhood issues. I really feel the need for some sort of professional help. I was wondering if maybe I could arrange for this over SKYPE. Can any of you offer any suggestions?