Hi, I'm a long time TMSer and have had great success with it! But there are some things that still throw me for a loop, which is what I'm dealing with now. Last night I got a massage. I love massages and I only do them for relaxation not to fix any problems - in fact I've had no back pain problems to fix for a long time. Through trial and error I realized that I can't have anyone massage my lower back because I know that gives my body an excuse to create pain there and then I have a hard time getting out of the cycle. So last night, as always, I told the masseuse - to please not touch anywhere below my waist line-. I thought he understood as he repeated my request and left the blanket above my waistline. So I hop on on the table and what's one of the first things he does...? He puts pressure on my upper spine and lower spine BELOW MY WAISTLINE. It hurt almost immediately, but it took me about a minute to find my voice. By that time is was too late. I had a deep pain in my right side of my lower back. It's deep in my Sacroiliac joint. That's some of the pain that feels the most 'real' to me because it's joint pain - it doesn't feel like a lack of oxygen to the area like other pain does. I can usually think away other type of back pain in minutes, but the sacroiliac pain always throws be for a loop. What is being deprived of oxygen there? Then I question... Did I condition myself to think it would hurt my lower back if he touched it there OR does that really hurt me but should be able to go away on its own if a day or so it's a real injury? There are still parts of me that think that something is actually injured. On an emotional front, I have a lot to be angry about - doctors failing me for another medical issue - which then spiraled into a lot of serious and unnecessary issues, which I am still dealing with a year later, major family issues, loneliness that comes with those health issues and not being with my family. Also, it's maddening when someone touches you where you asked them not to. I feel those feelings though. So what am I missing? How can I get out of my head about my SI joint? It feels so deep and hollow. Ugh, I hate this feeling. Thanks so much!