OCD, what do I do? I'm uncertain.

Like if I don't do the compulsion then people might die, or I might get bad luck or I might get infinite anxiety or... and it just doesn't end.

I have scrupulosity OCD and this is currently what's happening to me,

I have been thinking a lot “black color is a nice color” I ended up repeating and starting over 666 times. Now my ocd tells me because I have done it 666 times I’m a racist. O and while working I saw a customer with a devil shirt and I read something about devil in the shirt. Now ocd is worst.

If I follow what the doctor says, he would tell me “say that there is something going to happen to black color people” probably he will tell me that. he wants me for me to say that to look for ocd and trigger and build up a huge amount of anxiety. he told me thats the way to do this.

How on earth can I accept this and say this? I would feel extremely guilty and bad. saying “I’m against black color” or “I dont like black color” will be wrecking to me.

what can I do? I have a headache and feel bad. I can’t function well.

if I keep repeating then it can get worst.

I know I’m not racist, but how on earth is telling my ocd that im racist will solve this problem? or look for the ocd?

If I don't do it, my ocd is telling me that I will have infinite anxiety and the future is lost for me in other words.

 

@stevow7 I think you need to seek more resources for dealing with OCD. Why not look at: https://iocdf.org/about-ocd/ocd-treatment/ (International OCD Foundation | How is OCD Treated?) it discusses treatment options and gives you some idea of what YOU can do to help yourself.

 

thanks for sharing. I'm reading!