Day 8 Obligatory SEP post

Not feeling quite as hopeful today, but I'm trying to keep in mind some small recent successes. Last week I went to the beach like a normal person would on a nice day. I had to stand most of the time, but it was still fun. I was also able to put in a few more hours at work last week and I've been able to get back into some slightly heavier lifting at the gym (one of the activities I enjoyed before the pain). I know it shouldn't matter which exercises I do because I don't actually have a structural problem, but I've been using machines that don't directly involve my lower back. Pain is about the same, but that's actually a great thing. In the past, my subconscious mind would amp up the pain in an effort to make me think I was physically overdoing it.

As far as doubts go, my worry is that what if I can't get out of this cycle? So much of my stress is caused by worry, anger and fear about the condition itself. What if I'm the one person that gets through the whole program and doesn't have any success?

 

Hi Joe
You will have success. Worry and fear play such a critical role in our minds. It, right now, is fueling many of my symptoms.
I am 5 years out of the program dealing with parents with numerous health issues and siblings that leave it all to me.

I think that in different parts of our lives different traits kick in. I am so responsible I drive myself crazy trying to make all the Right decisions. At this moment I am losing.

I drive myself crazy with the worry and fear about the future. The perfectionism kicks in. Trying to make the RIGHT decision.

You can do this. Work the program. It works. You can do it. The personality traits all wrap around into each other . It is not simple but you can figure it for you.

This is the only place that offers you the path to emotional freedom and physical relief.

You can do it Joe. I know you can.

 

No. .I am not losing.

 

I'm back from a 6 day trip to a family reunion. It involved 8 hours in the car, both there and back. And, I did have pain here and there - but I DID IT. I made it through the car ride - a few months ago, I didn't think there was any possibility I could make this trip, because of my bad back. Also, the entire time, when the back/leg pain would come, I checked my emotions - was I sad, angry, worried, etc. - and after a little while, I would notice...I don't hurt!! I also realized on the trip home, I did not take even one pain pill the entire time. I brought them all, just in case! This morning, I woke up to pain - but realized I'm back home, and the same anxieties, negative self-talk, are here. I'm not going to let them win. Because I'm behind, I sat down and journaled day 5. My pain is better.

Joe, you echo my feelings exactly - the fear of being that one person who doesn't break this cycle. Especially after I read in Dr. Sarno's books people who were cured simply by reading the book or listening to the lectures (I have the DVD of the lecture) . So, I was so grateful to find this program, since my brain seems to be stubborn about letting this go. Today, I'm going to choose HOPE, not fear! I refuse to be that one person! My pain has defined me for too long. Joe, you can do the same! Awesome that you are remembering - you went to the beach - you went to work - and you're going the the gym. Not just that you are remembering, but you are doing them!

Stella, I so relate with your sense of responsibility and the difficulty making decisions. Remember that with your parents, YOU ARE DOING YOUR BEST. I know you are, you sound like a loving, responsible person. Perhaps someday your siblings will regret their lack of involvement - but you won't have that regret. Even in your current struggle, you shared some important encouragement (You can do this. This is the path to emotional freedom and physical relief.) - Thank you. Even if you were replying to Joe, they were words I needed to hear today, too!

 

Family reunions can be like going into a lion's den. Filled with emotional dangers. I'm glad you were able to go, and drive all that way, LindaStu.
I hope it went well. Now take some deep breaths and relax. That's over for a while.

I had a wonderful visit with a niece and nephew who came here with lunch on Saturday. We had a great talk about a lot of things including family. I loved it.

 

I'm the same way! Thanks so much for the encouragement Stella!

 

Wow a 6 day trip is a major success! And yes stubborn seems to be the appropriate word! Especially after hearing about the people who were cured so quickly, but I've been reading this book about self hypnosis and it's helping me understand why the subconscious mind can be so stubborn. Anyway here's a little excerpt that helped me..

The subconscious doesn’t work against the conscious mind, but sometimes it can appear
that way, for the subconscious is resistant to sudden change. This is
especially true when you attempt to change a longstanding behavior,
belief, or attitude…mainly because of your “programming.”

Thanks for your encouragement Linda!