Nurturing Koala, I have been inundated with phone calls, faxes and emails. People want to hear more about my relationship with Humphrey (my koala Teddy Bear). Humphrey rose from the depths of my subconscious a few weeks ago in a post to this forum. Since then I have been realizing how much of a comfort and nurturing I received then, and how ungrateful it was of me not to think about him even once for at least 60 years. Arrived When I was two, my uncle a merchant seaman captain arrived home from a trip to Australia with Koala teddy bears for his twin nephews. As I fell in love with the soft fur I instantly named mine Humphrey, and had to have him in bed with me every night, my white teddy Sooty was cast aside, I was living in luxury, as I developed a scratching habit that gave me ultimate comfort from the woes of a two year old in the1950’s. By the time I was eight he was completely bald. Humphrey had become my segregate mother, but was worn out. Meditation: I theorize what happened was meditation combined with a self expression of independence and comfort. I learnt no one else did anything similar, I was unique in this activity, and I did not care what anyone else thought. I became the model of a spoilt brat if he was taken away or got lost and remember having tantrums if this happened. I remember being ridiculed by my family, and was eventually to become the family whipping boy, as I took the bait and responded with more uncontrollable tantrums. Nurturing: I seem to have gained more nurturing from Humphrey than I did from my mother. Her own mother did not impart the skills of normal mother hood, so forgiveness is much needed. If I think deeply enough I realize I had an embarrassing habit of curling my lip in a sucking fashion, as I scratched Humphrey and surmise this was to compensate for the lack of breast feeding. It was my wife who informed me of this lactose fact and I can imagine my mother’s reluctance since she had twins. (No comments from the men please). It’s amazing to think of the habits we form in order to survive, but I think I got the better deal since my twin brother bit his fingernails, which still show at 70 years of age. Two Humphreys: In all honesty there were actually two Humphreys, I should have called them Humphrey1 and Humphrey2. No one can blame me for this omission of naming, for then I was not even aware of my OCD perfectionism. Since Humphrey1 was in fact completely bald by the age of eight, I cast eyes on my twin brother’s good looking koala that he hadn’t even bothered to name; I need his Koala so bad. Negotiations: Negotiations for Humphrey2 took place over several weeks with my brother, I remember the power he exhorted over me, and I had to back off several days at a time to appear uninterested. He didn’t need a Koala; I knew his fingernails were his substitute mother. So with the exchange of some of my favorite Beano and Dandy comics I obtained a Humphrey2. Also I inadvertently avoided an important thing about Humphrey. Further musing got me thinking that the first one lasted 8 years, which by my engineering logic meant that I could have been scratching Humphrey at the age of 16, a fact that I really do want to repress. This was my entire norm at the time I do not remember feeling hard done by. It goes to show repression is a natural survival asset, since we have to get by somehow. The effort in finding repressed emotions isn’t always a bad experience, I enjoyed this one. So how far back does your TMS go, think security blankets and be honest?