Day 7 Not journaling, but sharing some thoughts

I know day 7 is a day off. And I plan to take it, but the video about working too hard on TMS really brought up a few thoughts that I wanted to share. So no deep journaling today

This idea of "working hard" is something I think I have a lot of trouble with. As with many of you, I'm sure, I almost always feel like I'm not working hard enough. At work, at home, on myself, on my relationships, etc. And so often its really not true. I got my PhD in biology before I turned 30 for goodness sakes, I definitely have worked hard enough there. Now at my new job, people are a bit more lax and things move a little slower than in grad school. I think this is really good for me, but it also sometimes makes me worry that I'm not working hard enough, compared to the rest of the science world.
And sometimes I'm not actually working hard enough. In my marriage, we've run into a couple rough patches where I was spending all of my energy working on work, and very little on my home life, and we had some imbalances that built up after a while.
So I guess my perception has been very warped in the context of working hard enough. And its really been hard to tell where that line is in different parts of my life. Even after watching the video today, I thought "well, I missed a few days of journaling, so maybe I should take this day off to catch up" - which totally defeats the purpose

The other things that really resonated with me in today's video was the idea of being so activated, and needing to listen to your body. This is also a really difficult concept for me, because TMS largely affects me through anxiety, and this often takes the form of hypochondria. So a major challenge is trying to figure out what to listen to, because at the moment it seems like the key is to not listen. I know I'm fully sensitized and activated, so its hard to sort through the anxieties and thoughts in my head, and get to the message my body is trying to tell me. I suppose that is exactly why I'm here though!

 

Sometimes for me it is a question of finding a balance between listening -and yet- not being taken over. Whenever there is a feeling it is nice to acknowledge it, maybe write it down or allow it to express itself, but keeping aware there are a hundred other feelings. Like a big family. If I feel like I am in the big seat - at the head of the table - sort of breathing it in and seeing-witnessing all of these characters than I feel peaceful and in control Like a witness...

 

Thanks for your reply! I really like the image of sitting at the table and viewing all the emotions in the other seats. I'll definitely keep that in mind!

 

Hi, Guseman. It is a good thing that you are aware of sometimes not spending more time and energy on relationships, especially with your wife.
You are obviously an achiever, and have a strong desire to learn and do more in your field. Maybe just remember that ambition needs to be
tempered with smelling the roses. Especially smelling them with those you love. Do more things together that you both enjoy. I learned early that taking a girl on a date to an expensive restaurant and stage production was good, but we had little chance to get to know each other. We did when we took bike rides and had picnics.