not doing the program properly

mina

mina

Peer Supporter
Hello everyone,

I haven't posted in a long time because I haven't been doing the program as seriously as I used to.
I did the first month without skipping a single day but then, for some still unclear reasons, I stopped.
I have been on sick leave for four months and haven't taken advantage of this time off to pursue the wiki program.
As a teacher, having been sent to a tough junior high school, I did'nt want to live any stressful situation and chose to take a year to recover from FM; still I am not doing what I should do. I used to be eager at doing the program, found it really well done though too rich in that there are so many links that one cannot follow unless spending hours and hours on it.
In a nutshell, after reading the last book by Dr Sarno and starting the program I experienced an improvement, which I should have taken as a good sign of recovery. Yet, just as September started, my motivation wore off and I stopped going on the wiki site.
I spend my days at home, not doing anything except reading. I am the author of one novel and am also supposed to write the sequel to it, which I find very hard.

I have motivation for nothing, feel depressed, am not able to enjoy the success of my book.
As my Partner says : it is as if everything was upside down regarding my emotions : when something unpleasant happens, I do not react and have leg pain instead, which I manage to handle through journaling but not as well as I used to, I find it harder and harder to point at the underlying emotion behind pain.
When Something good occurs, I am not happy, I am like a stone, nothing seems to please me.
Insomnia is still present, I have never been able to write about positive things, this is something that I dislike,

I know a lot of my issues are related to rage, I have bouts of road rage again.
So, as a conclusion, I am wondering if registering at Dr Schubiner's program would be a good idea.
If there is anyone here who has done it or is currently doing it, I am curious to have unbiased opinion.
Is it very different from the wiki program? Is it more motivating in its shape? Any information would be welcome.

Thanks in advance for any feedback, and, of course, I wish you a healthy year.

Mina
 
Hi Mina,

I am not sure where you live but I am wondering if you have investigated or tried working with a therapist. I am only mentioning this because some of the most invaluable help I have received in my most challenging times have been working with several therapists. I worked with a TMS therapist via skype and a somatic experiencing therapist in person. I am not sure I would have made as much progress without their help. You sound as though you are very hard on yourself. Dr Schubiner's program is really excellent but it does take self discipline and motivation. I remember one day when I had a therapy appointment I felt so awful that I almost canceled. But it was short notice and I knew I would have to pay for it anyway so I dragged myself to therapy. After the appointment I felt better than I had in months. Walked in feeling like I couldn't crawl out of bed, a few minutes after therapy I felt great. It was a pivotal moment for me in that it really became clear how much our mind and body are completely connected. Knowing it and experiencing it are two different things.
 
mina said:
I have motivation for nothing, feel depressed, am not able to enjoy the success of my book.
As my Partner says : it is as if everything was upside down regarding my emotions : when something unpleasant happens, I do not react and have Leg pain instead, which I manage to handle through journaling but not as well as I used to, I find it harder and harder to point at the underlying emotion behind pain.
When Something good occurs, I am not happy, I am like a stone, nothing seems to please me.
Insomnia is still present, I have never been able to write about positive things, this is something that I dislike,

I know a lot of my issues are related to rage, I have bouts of road rage again.
Click to expand...

Hi Mina,

I was thinking the same thing as Anne. That is, have you gotten direct support? Your experience you provide above makes me think you can use some personal help. I have no experience with the Schubiner program that you mention, but it sounds like you feel an urge to get greater support, in your curiosity, and perceived need for help. Sometimes doing things without support just does not work for us.

Good luck in working with the barriers (that we all have!) that prevent more skillful engagement with Dr. Sarno's work. If you keep finding a way to engage the approach, I am convinced --by my own experience, that it will work!

Andy B.
 
Hi Mina,

I thought to say this too.

Create your own time to write about positive things:
--what your life would be without insomnia
--a day in the park without __________symptoms
--why your rage is helpful or important to you
--how much you love someone, why, in what way, how you are affected
--whatever positive things, joyful things that you enjoy or imagine or remember

Sense into your body and enjoy the feelings that arise when you write something positive! Give yourself this gift. It is good for the nervous system.

Andy B.
 
Thanks Anne and Andy,

I am French and have a psychiatrist who is better than some I have had before since he accepts the Sarno theory but he is not trained to suppport me the way another one would be.
I also have regular skype appointments with a London FEFT and other methods practitioner. The help she provides is great, she has some good insights but as months go by, it is a bit
like with the wiki program, I no longer feel much benefit from our appointments and I also feel less and less ready to continue with her. She has some impressions as to what is behind
my pain and we use EMT (which I sometimes use with my psychiatrist too) but when she tells me to do something between two appointments, I don't do it.
This is as if I were reluctant to heal suddenly. Her idea about this is that I have used so many methods and diets that proved to be of some help at the beginning and then failed completely that I distrust everything now. Within five years I have believed in so many things and done them wholeheartedely that my brain is sort of programmed for a failure, whatever the method used.
I don't know how to overcome this reluctance and disbelief. I know a lot of people have healed thanks to Dr Sarno's method, I know it yet there is something in me that still sees me
as a sick and handicapped person, this has become my new identity, I have lost my joy of living, my sense of humour because FM has been so violent and (of course) unexpected. Little could I Imagine that such a plague existed. It started after I visited my sister in law for the 1st time, she has it, she explained to me what it was and two months later I had the 1st symptoms. I had had severe lower back pain in my life but this was different, it struck my legs and thus my ability to walk.

Is Dr Schubiner's program much different from Dr Sarno's Anne ? Do you believe that it is better structured and that thus it would be more motivating ? I know meditation is good
for me but I did the Gupta program for a year and a half and it has not cured me, I had a coach whom I ended up loathing as she was screaming at me sometimes and since Gupta has
a lot of meditations, they have become a complete turn off for me. When I do try to do one, I don't manage to focus on it.

And yes, I am very hard on myself, have always been, I want to succeed with my book so badly that I put a lot of pressure on myself so much so that resuming writing is not the
pleasure it used to be, it's like work now, not fun.

If anyone around has done the Schubiner program, I would be happy to know in what it differs from the Sarno method, could it be more motivating, less messy (the wiki site is too much for me, too many links, I always have the impression there is too much data, it is like a cobweb). I reckon its qualities and I even really enjoyed doing it for the first month, I would think "what's on the menu for today?", because you never know what you will have to do and it was quite fun. Still, now it is like hard work.

Thanks everyone,
Mina
 
Hi Mina,

Thanks for the explanation of your situation. I am glad you are getting some good help, despite your reservations or lack of zest about the relationships with your helpers...

I am familiar with Schubiner's "Unlearn Your Pain" 28 day book. It is straight foward, not complicated. I guess the Program you sign up for is, according to the website "about the same" but you have videos, forum, and the Dr.'s support with email. I guess that support might be good.

The book is good, and a little more "cohesive" or less complicated than the SEP (not so many links, or any links!). It also has all the background in one long section as the beginning. So it is simpler. But not sure how this transfers to the Program on Dr. Schubiner's website. It has a little more emphasis on

Sounds like trying something new can't hurt! You might also try Alan Gordon's Recovery program at the Wiki for free. Great material with the Inner Bully and recordings of sessions.

mina said:
Within five years I have believed in so many things and done them wholeheartedely that my brain is sort of programmed for a failure, whatever the method used.
Click to expand...
I am sorry about this. Yet you know you "caught it" from your sister. That is a profound insight! An insight that can certainly help you undo what you're going through. You know it is only in your mind, and how you got the idea. Fascinating. Yet horrible, I get that. Good luck, and keep at it. Something will click if you stay engaged, I'm sure.

Andy B.
 
The work from Byron Katie is very helpful….it sounds like you are putting a bunch of pressure on yourself…there is no fast road on this journey, self care is first and thats anything that make you feel good. There is a bunch of modalities in this healing process everybody as there own twist and some of there knowledge is very helpful and some just receptive. Be kind and patient to yourself, once you have knowledge of tms and how it works…get off the subject and look at Claire Weekes and Byron Katie brings you to same place but with a different view…

For me Dr Hanscom writing tech has been the only thing thats as help me along with Steve O book which brought numerous issues to light.

God Bless
 
Thanks everyone,

I like Alan Gordon, I find him very inspiring and read this part of the wiki program but, again, as I said, I find the wiki site so rich that I somewhat got lost on the way.
I am familiar with Byron Katie too and have used the material she has on her site plus read her book.
I have done so much within those past years that I am just fed up and cannot take it to not be cured.
The thing is that when reading Dr Sarno, it was like a complete understanding for me and just reading the book helped, pain diminished and doing the wiki all summer long
helped too. I grew lazy over time, spent much much time on the marketing of my novel, which includes a lot of stress.
Weirdly, the more I sell, the more stressed I am because though I do get positive reviews, I also have my share of very negative, mean ones and it hurts, I cannot detach myself
from my work, it is so important for me.
As my partner says, there is something in me that is not okay : when any other indie writer would be over the moon with joy, I see the fact that others have managed to sell more
than me in less time and I feel unworthy. When I get a negative review, it doesn't make me angry, I just feel pain and writing about it doesn't help much, it is always the same
thing, over and over again. I am cut off from my emotions, unable to feel joy, only sadness remains, sadness over my condition, over the fact that my life has taken such an unexpected turn when 5 years ago I was an intensive swimmer, working like mad, writing and I was glad with my life.
So I guess this ailment has come here to say that everything wasn't so good and that deep inside I wasn't happy but then what, I am not happier now and I trusted the process both of Gupta and Sarno to be here to show me the way not only to health but to a different mindset that would stick with for the rest of my life.
Boston Redsox, I will check the books you mention but see, I feel like : oh no, another book to read, will it be helpful? There are so many methods/books/sites out there that I feel
overwhelmed.
Thanks a lot everyone.
Mina
 
Hi, Mina. I couldn;'t give you better advice than the others have, except to keep working on TMS. I think most MindBody and TMS books say just about the same things as Dr. Sarno. It would help you to go back to the basics in his book, Healing Back Pain. He advocates reminding ourselves of TMS with his 12 Daily Reminders. One of those in the TMS community, Herbie, wrote an extended version that I like:

Herbie’s Extended Version of Dr. Sarno’s 12 DAILY REMINDERS

  1. The pain is due to TMS. This is real pain or anxiety but it is caused by subconscious tensions and triggers, stressors and traits to your reactions and fears and also when at boiling point your conscious tension can and does also cause real pain.
  2. The main reason for the pain is mild oxygen deprivation. This means that when you get in pain or anxiety then the blood is restricted from going to your lower back, for instance. The blood being restricted causes oxygen deprivation which causes the pain. Remember, where there is no oxygen then there is pain in the body. Also, the pain stays because of fear.
  3. TMS is a harmless condition caused by my REPRESSED EMOTIONS so even though you think you can harm yourself from the years of pain you have felt and how you feel in general -- so far no reports have been heard from TMS healing knowledge causing damage to anyone, it only helps.
  4. The principle emotion is your repressed ANGER -- this means under your consciousness lies something that happens automatically to everyone. TMSers have repressions that are stored because of our personality traits, traumas, stressors, fears, strain, etc... When these stored repressions build and build, then eventually they cause the brain to send pain into your body to keep you from having an emotional crises. The mind-body thinks it is helping you.
  5. TMS exists to DISTRACT your attentions from the emotions, stressors, tensions and strains of your personality traits because if you can get distraction then you won’t have to be in emotional turmoil. When you don't face and feel your emotions and they get repressed because you didn't want to deal with something -- they are just adding up in this beaker, ready to pour over and create real pain and anxiety in your body.
  6. Since my body is perfectly normal, there is nothing to fear. So in reality when I fear the pain or anxiety I just cause myself undo strain and tension adding to the beaker of pain. If I fear, then I feed the pain, If I fear, it’s impossible to recondition. Fear keeps the pain and anxiety alive in the body through focus.
  7. Therefore, physical activity is harmless. If I want to work against the pain I could but it’s better to lose some of the pain so when I start my life over I have to be in pain trying to heal because facing the repressions and all the other activities that cause the pain and reversing my fear and focus to them, then I can heal.
  8. I am resuming all normal physical activity. I don't fear moving anymore. I believe in my body’s ability to heal now. I can move as I want. I will not fear moving with a bent back anymore. I will also practice going out and acting normal again, not in fear of what pain might do to me.
  9. The pain is unimportant and powerless. Its only power is how it is hidden -- its illusion, its fear.
  10. I will keep my attention on the emotional issues. I will think about my emotions and feel my emotions throughout the day. I will not judge, criticize or fear my emotions. I will not run from my emotional issues but face every one of them. I will feel my emotions fully and cry if I need to. Then I will release the emotion and get my mind and thoughts back to my life and living in the present.
  11. I am in control of all of this. This is how I recover.
  12. I will be thinking PSYCHOLOGICALLY AT ALL TIMES. This means I will keep my thoughts on psychological issues like happiness, fear and anger -- traits and triggers, conditioning and journaling -- The science behind mind-body/TMS healing, etc.... This way I will not feed my thoughts to the body -- that is a trick of TMS. TMS will always try to get me to focus on the body caused by the pain until I break its show and flair. When I get my attention off physical symptoms and on to emotional issues and psychological issues then I will not feed the fear of the physical issues anymore, thus making the TMS of no pain effect on the body. This will in return, give us the cure and become pain-free.
 
Boston Redsox said:
The work from Byron Katie is very helpful….it sounds like you are putting a bunch of pressure on yourself…there is no fast road on this journey, self care is first and thats anything that make you feel good. There is a bunch of modalities in this healing process everybody as there own twist and some of there knowledge is very helpful and some just receptive. Be kind and patient to yourself, once you have knowledge of tms and how it works…get off the subject and look at Claire Weekes and Byron Katie brings you to same place but with a different view…

For me Dr Hanscom writing tech has been the only thing thats as help me along with Steve O book which brought numerous issues to light.

God Bless
Click to expand...

Marco where can I find out about Dr. Hanscom's writing technique without having to buy another book? I have been stuck on day 23 of the SEP for a couple of months unfortunately. Journaling has always been so difficult for me but deep down I know it can be helpful.
 
Mina,
You sound depressed to me, and I say that as someone who has struggled with depression for most of my life. I have to take an antidepressant daily, because when I tried to cut it back a year ago, I started to feel like you. I stopped doing a lot of the things that could have helped me, because I couldn't see any value in them. I felt hopeless and discouraged, and couldn't find pleasure in the positive aspects of life. Once I got my medication levels back up, I began to do all the work again, and I began to feel healthy and hopeful again. So my experience is that it is impossible to do the work to address one's TMS without first addressing depression. I wish that I could address my depression in some other way besides medication, but I have accepted that I'm not there yet. But at least this way, I am pain free most of the time.

Wishing you peace and health.
 
Thanks Walt, I will print this and pin it above my desk.
It is a blessing to have people around, knowing that many have been through the same hard path and managed through it successfully.
There are several things I should do : doing the TMS wiki program again, journaling every day, take a day off sometimes and not the other way round.
Reading Dr Sarno's book over and over till everything is in my brain since apparently it isn't.
The hardest bit for me is to let go of self criticism, just today, got a bad review on my novel saying it was like stomach burn, then what? I find it very hard to have love for
every single soul on this earth, this unconditional love every single book mentions, I'm sorry but some people's behavior's are just so hard to swallow.
I have written extensively about getting bad reviews, this is a big problem, I have a year off from school and the book is a new stressor!
There will always be a new stressor somewhere along my path so it is my job to accept it ...
Many thanks to everyone here.
Mina
 
Mina, I have just read some of your posts and wonder how you are doing. I know how difficult this can all be.
 
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