Not again!!!!

Ugggggg. I have been pain free for over 4 months after completing the SEP here, but today I was at the gym and I felt a strain in my lower back, and now many of the pains I had before have returned!!!! I know I've had a lot going on lately in my life, and in fact I recently had been very focused on my back and the fear of a relapse.... so I'm sure it's not a coincidence. I feel like I know it's TMS, but the pain is very real right now. It hurts to get up and move around, it even is pretty painful just sitting here to write this. It only happened about 3 hours ago, and I can already feel the despair and fear kicking up...... So I'm writing here in hopes that my mind can remember that I'm OK, that it's psychological, not structural.

Any words of encouragement would be appreciated.

Kev

 

Hi, Kevin. Something new must have triggered your pain. You were pain-free for months after completing the SEP, so maybe just go through it again. Your subconscious may need a stronger reminder that you recognize an emotional cause of your pain. Also maybe re-read Dr. Sarno's 12 Daily Reminders. I like Herbie's longer version of them:

Herbie’s Extended Version of Dr. Sarno’s 12 DAILY REMINDERS

1. The pain is due to TMS. This is real pain or anxiety but it is caused by subconscious tensions and triggers, stressors and traits to your reactions and fears and also when at boiling point your conscious tension can and does also cause real pain.
2. The main reason for the pain is mild oxygen deprivation. This means that when you get in pain or anxiety then the blood is restricted from going to your lower back, for instance. The blood being restricted causes oxygen deprivation which causes the pain. Remember, where there is no oxygen then there is pain in the body. Also, the pain stays because of fear.
3. TMS is a harmless condition caused by my REPRESSED EMOTIONS so even though you think you can harm yourself from the years of pain you have felt and how you feel in general -- so far no reports have been heard from TMS healing knowledge causing damage to anyone, it only helps.
4. The principle emotion is your repressed ANGER -- this means under your consciousness lies something that happens automatically to everyone. TMSers have repressions that are stored because of our personality traits, traumas, stressors, fears, strain, etc... When these stored repressions build and build, then eventually they cause the brain to send pain into your body to keep you from having an emotional crises. The mind-body thinks it is helping you.
5. TMS exists to DISTRACT your attentions from the emotions, stressors, tensions and strains of your personality traits because if you can get distraction then you won’t have to be in emotional turmoil. When you don't face and feel your emotions and they get repressed because you didn't want to deal with something -- they are just adding up in this beaker, ready to pour over and create real pain and anxiety in your body.
6. Since my body is perfectly normal, there is nothing to fear. So in reality when I fear the pain or anxiety I just cause myself undo strain and tension adding to the beaker of pain. If I fear, then I feed the pain, If I fear, it’s impossible to recondition. Fear keeps the pain and anxiety alive in the body through focus.
7. Therefore, physical activity is harmless. If I want to work against the pain I could but it’s better to lose some of the pain so when I start my life over I have to be in pain trying to heal because facing the repressions and all the other activities that cause the pain and reversing my fear and focus to them, then I can heal.
8. I am resuming all normal physical activity. I don't fear moving anymore. I believe in my body’s ability to heal now. I can move as I want. I will not fear moving with a bent back anymore. I will also practice going out and acting normal again, not in fear of what pain might do to me.
9. The pain is unimportant and powerless. Its only power is how it is hidden -- its illusion, its fear.
10. I will keep my attention on the emotional issues. I will think about my emotions and feel my emotions throughout the day. I will not judge, criticize or fear my emotions. I will not run from my emotional issues but face every one of them. I will feel my emotions fully and cry if I need to. Then I will release the emotion and get my mind and thoughts back to my life and living in the present.
11. I am in control of all of this. This is how I recover.
12. I will be thinking PSYCHOLOGICALLY AT ALL TIMES. This means I will keep my thoughts on psychological issues like happiness, fear and anger -- traits and triggers, conditioning and journaling -- The science behind mind-body/TMS healing, etc.... This way I will not feed my thoughts to the body -- that is a trick of TMS. TMS will always try to get me to focus on the body caused by the pain until I break its show and flair. When I get my attention off physical symptoms and on to emotional issues and psychological issues then I will not feed the fear of the physical issues anymore, thus making the TMS of no pain effect on the body. This will in return, give us the cure and become pain-free.

 

The pain is remarkably lifelike, I find. You said a lot has been going on with you lately. I'm going through a relapse myself after 5 years of significantly less pain and definitely can see how it's related to work and personal issues. Also, there's always something a little suspicious about the pain. Wrong place, too easily induced (like crazy shoulder pain for 2 weeks just from 30 pushups?) Maybe you can look at the pain critically and find some way to call shenanigans on it? The quality of the pain is impressive, but the staging is always a little melodramatic.

 

You said it yourself Kevin, and you know its true. I know its true too.

 

Sorry to hear of your relapse Kev, I know that fear and despair well but this is your body telling you now to look again and pick another emotion or re-engage with how to stop repressing emotion. I have just relapsed pretty spectacularly after 2 pain free weeks. In my first spell of recovery over 2 months, I was reading Sarno and looking at a UK website called SIRPA. I thought I'd cracked it cos I intellectually knew that this was the cause and I acknowledged that I was unhappy at work and upset about family issues but it was kind of "surface" stuff. I journalled a bit, did some mindfulness and goal setting and thought well I have a plan to fix this, this and this, it'll be OK in time. Usual mistake of "living in time". So I busied myself with doing stuff, mainly for other people and thought life would move on. But I was also still engaged in a kind of double think talking about my back in the usual medical and physical way, about going to the physiotherapist, gym, scans, medication and core strength etc. I might vaguely allude to stress. I didn't want to get into the TMS thing with colleagues or acquaintances. Well 2 days of being back at work put me on my knees again. And I am being forced to do this work properly now!!! And I mean dredging the emotion up from right at the bottom of the well and really looking at it. My fear goes beyond fear of failure at work it is fear I had from long ago. I also truly believe now you can't hold the dual view in your head. It is not and can't be structural. It is a big distraction and creates its own mainstream culture which you get sucked into just like consumerism, clubbing, dieting and fitness etc . I have done most of the distraction stuff in my time. But after drink, drugs, shopping, eating then there was pain! Thank the universe that we can get support here and learn from the wise people in the field like Sarno, Shubiner etc to recognise this for what it is and move on. I am 42 and hopeful that this will finally help me find a new way of being. Please search hard and openly what is there in your mind that you haven't acknowledged. Or maybe new feelings have arisen but you've stuffed them down in the old way because you thought you had dealt with it already. Return to the programme and do it again. Use the journal or mind map honestly and live with the feeling rather than it overwhelming you or this will not leave you. Don' t let the pain trick you. Good luck and post back.

 

Thank you all for the kinds words and the encouragement. I took the day off work yesterday and just sorta rested, I think I needed that... I'm still in pain, and lots of fear, but I'm back to reading Healing Back Pain, and other TMS materials to assure myself that it's not structural. The thing that is messing with me is wondering if I did actual strain my back a bit, and what's happening to me now is "natural"; even Dr. Sarno talks about the pain of an acute attack, saying that one must basically just rest and not panic until it passes...he says that dwelling/obsessing over it is what causes it to stick around.... so in my mind I find myself saying, "well I was lifting heavy weights, and I did feel my low back 'give' a bit, so this is something like a sprain/strain" - but then I remember that I've been lifting that exact same weight and doing the same exercise for a while now, sans any pain, so it has to be a "trigger"- my mind was aware of my doubt and apprehension I was already having, so it capitalized on it..... I don't know, it's all just so complicated. I want to believe in myself and my body, but it's difficult not to fall into despair when in a lot of pain.

Anyhow, just some thoughts. I'm going to do some searching and journaling. Thanks again for the words, this is a great online community!

Kevin

 

Kevin you are so right about complicated! Every time I move at the moment I have the burn and electrical feeling and I have to resist the panic and say out loud it's not my disc, my back is strong and fit etc. It's so easy to rationalise with the physical explanation in fact I even did it just now on the phone to aa friend calling to ask me how I am since going off work again. It's always there, I went on a long car journey, the computer desk is too low, I walked a long way in the cold etc etc etc. We have to recondition ourselves. I am trying to find some daily physical goals to speed the SEP up a bit, do you know any? I have been in bed for 4 days, I know I should just get up and stay up but my conditioning isn't that strong yet! And I am scared now cos I have an idea what my root cause is how come I can't just banish it from my head? So when I feel pain I'm constantly asking is this a repressed feeling? You could send yourself mad. I think I am going to stop over thinking for a bit and try a you tube crochet tutorial (I'm not really a crochet sort of person but it's more useful than watching shows about hoarders) stay calm and keep in touch

 

You know, I am suffering with sciatica nerve for 7 months with no xrays or mri's and that alone is making me think all kind of bad things that could be happening. But, I think re reading sarno will only serve as a distraction...I am thinking of doing what Monte Hueftle says about TMS....He is said to have the missing link and it's not some repressed emotions from 40 years ago. It's how are thoughts are straining and putting pressure one our nervous system.

THOUGHTS, create pain. Cronic worrying, people pleasing, etc. effect the nervous system. Re reading Sarno is what most people do when they get a replapse and usually that no longer works. We have to CHANGE the way we THINK!

I am might invest in his program as it makes more sense to me then repressed emotions and not changing the way we react towards life itself! That is why re get RELAPSES! Not because our body is weak, but what our thoughts are telling us.

Kalo

 

Hi, Lexington. Go ahead and try crochet. A friend's father, a big macho man, spent a lot of spare time with crochet, normally not considered a manly activity. He made beautiful doilies for chairs and gave them as Christmas gifts. I guess it was relaxing for him to crochet. Go for it, and practice deep breathing while you work at it.

 

Hi Kevin,

You're on the right track. Yes, sometimes it's complicated. It's one thing to know that you're a TMSer, but much harder to figure out if any particular symptom is TMS.

Give yourself a little time to figure out what's going on with the new pain. Is it clearing up in a few days, as a muscle strain will, or is it lingering? Is the pain out of proportion? Both of those are strong evidence for TMS.

Possibly you were challenging the pain and got scared, triggering a TMS episode. Don't worry, that's part of the process. Refocus yourself on your emotional state.
What s going on in your life that the pain is distracting you from?

David.

 

I knit.

http://www.lifehack.org/314247/6-unexpected-benefits-knitting