No time to heal

I'm felling overwhelmed about what it takes to get better and having so little time available to me to work this. My only free time is after my children are finally settled of an evening and all essential chores are done which leaves about an hour. Should I be running, mediating, progressive relaxation, journalling, sitting with feelings, visualising, reading a book, not doing any of these things and just relaxing because I'm so tired all I want to do is rest? Others must be spending hours everyday working on all these things. My days are also so hectic and loud that I don't have time to stop and process things as I go. Does anyone have any advice that might be helpful?

 

The best thing you can be doing is reading a TMS book.

 

I agree that a TMS book is a great place to start. In fact, I would recommend reading a handful as you go through your recovery, starting with Dr. Sarno's works. If you aren't experiencing back pain then I would go straight to "The Mindbody Prescription" and "The Divided Mind." Other highly recommended reads in addition to these abound, and if you're looking for specifics I'd be glad to throw out some titles that have been particularly useful to me.

The biggest thing I do when I feel busy or rushed is to practice mindful meditation throughout the day. The therapy essentially boils down to fully focusing your mind on whatever you happen to be doing in the moment and all the sights, sounds, and smells that go along with it (instead of focusing on what's going on with your body, be it pain, discomfort, or dysfunction.) I can't remember where I originally gleaned the quote, but it was Louis Gluck who said "We look at the once, in childhood. The rest is memory." When my TMS was at its worst I remember how fixed my attention had become on my symptoms. In fact, they were the organizing principle of so much of my time despite the other activities I might have been participating in. While stopping to smell the roses isn't a bad thing to do, simply by choosing to live in the moment whatever it involves one can make huge strides in the recovery process.

Here's a link on mindful meditation. http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/Mindfulness (Mindfulness)

 

Thank you for your replies. Mindful meditation is a practical suggestion because it can be done throughout my day. I suppose I have to generate the new habit of slowing down to do this even when it seems impossible.

I have read many (probably too many) TMS books now. I was trying to build up confidence by reading more and more but ultimately it has just lead to doubt as the more I read, it seems the further I get away from what Dr. Sarno wrote and the inconsistencies and different approaches foster doubt and present too many opinions of how to heal. (Stop trying seems perhaps to be the most sensible suggestion.) My symptoms (female pelvic pain) are just nothing mentioned by Sarno so I think I was reading and reading and reading looking for reassurance I do have TMS. I have the personality type and the stress at time of onset, and have been cleared by doctors of anything life threatening but also have lots of diagnoses that may or may not be the source of pain, or that do or do not require treatment depending on who you choose to listen too. I know there are a couple of mindbody OBGYN doctors but the more I got into their work, the more structural seemed to be and less TMS. (They have a relatively small, select list of things that are mindbody and the rest are 'real' issues influences or worsened by emotions.) There is a voice in my head telling me that I am stretching the concept of TMS too far - that what I have is too different from a classic back or IBS or migraines or any of the conditions mentioned in all the books and that it's just desperation and wishful thinking that my pain is a deception by my brain too.

 

Ewok, are you familiar with Abigail Steidley, she specializes in TMS/pelvic issues:

https://abigailsteidley.com/kindness-community-page/ (Kindness Community - Abigail Steidley)

 

@Tennis Tom thank you for the suggestion. Yes, I was paying for membership to her online healing community for six or seven months last year. I didn't find her method to be a good fit for me (a focus on feeling emotions as physical sensations moving/changing in various parts of your body which I couldn't seem to master). Her self-kindess message is an important one though.

 

I can't speak to your specific symptoms but I can say I've experienced a wide array of TMS manifestations that aren't commonly identified a such. Dr. Sarno himself said that there are far too many manifestations great and small to enunerate them all. In the future, I imagine there will be new symptoms that none of us has ever heard of given the brain's great capacity to generate change in any part of the body. When evaluating whether a chronic symptom is TMS I always asks whether it tends to focus the attention of the mind on itself. If it does, the chances are the answer is yes.

 

Hi Ewok,

My days are also so hectic and loud...

maybe that is a simple observation and seems impossible to change but as a bussy mom maybe that could be your first step?
i can totally understand that running (who said you have to run) and meditation , and doing the SEP etc etc etc is way to much
i can only advise you to break it up in tiny steps and go from there
you meantioned that others in your eyes, spend hours a day at all that stuff: i think not
in fact for me that absolutely did not work, it stressed me out and made me even more upset
Maybe start with creating tiny breaks in your day..that takes huge effort : alow yourself this time : which can mean
you have to close your eyes and just not think of all the stuff around that needs , wants your attention. put your kids
for a video..whatever..(yes i know strange advise and take 15 minute break..doing breathing exercise (works for me to
put the stresslevels down) or meditation or even close your eyes and just lay down : only goal : slow yourself down..calm down
then go from there....it sounds way to simple? .and .far not enough.. but you have to start somewhere
and trust me for a stressed person.. just sitting 3 times a day doing breathing excersise is not so easy..doesn't that say a lot??

goodluck
greetings
Karina

 

Generally it is recommended to not spend more than an hour working on recovery from TMS. That includes reading, doing the SEP and journalling, etc. However, some changes in your thinking and behavior that you identify need to be incorporated into your day throughout the day as much as possible. Like the excellent suggestions you have gotten for practicing mindfulness and slowing down. I believe it's doable even for very busy people if you are committed. Just don't put a lot of pressure on yourself or you are undermining the work you're doing.

Best wishes.....

 

Tell yourself throughout the day: "I am 100% willing to believe that this is psychological. I am fine. I am safe." You can do this even when it's crazy around you.

 

Thank you everyone for the kind words and advice.