No one told me….

[Renate]

I haven’t found any article about what it feels like when you come out of survival mode and the panic around the pain is gone (thanks to Maggie Sterling’s videos, I’ve managed to reach that point). Or maybe I just haven’t found the right post?

It feels like being released from prison, like the job is gone, the partner is gone, and meanwhile it’s as if the internet had just been invented (just as an example). I thought there would be great joy and relief, but instead I feel disoriented. I keep asking myself: who am I without my pain? What do I do with my life?

The pain isn’t gone, but it is much better. I’m no longer identified with it and I’m able to do more. Only now am I able to look back on the past 15 years—and especially on what happened between me and other people. And that is very painful.

I have lost friends and acquaintances, and I received very little support from family and others. That makes me so sad, and this feeling of loneliness is now also very difficult for me. I do have friends and acquaintances, but they didn’t understand my pain and still don’t understand what this phase of recovery is like.

At the moment I’m looking for a good therapist, but in the meantime I really would need support. Are there informations about this stage of healing? Or can anyone here personally share how they experienced this phase?I would be very grateful!! Thank you!

 

[Rabscuttle]

Great post. Your feelings sum up a lot of my own thoughts as my symptoms continue to decrease. Who are we without the pain?

I do think turning towards spirituality is a wise step to take. Eastern philosophies like Buddhism or Hinduism address a lot of what is at the core of your post. It’s very easy in these moments to look outward towards external stimuli especially now that we have more physical agency, but that can very easily lead us to endless trap of craving and desiring things that provide no lasting satisfaction.

have you taken time to honor yourself for what you have gotten through? Is there a foundation of self compassion for your immense struggle? It sounds like you’ve chipped away a lot of what no longer serves you, perhaps it’s time to start replacing that stuff with things that do. Only you can really figure out what that is.

 

[Diana-M]

Congrats on your healing! That’s fantastic! I share your pain on the losses with friends and family. It really does take a toll. This grief session on the losses has really helped me.

 

[Ellen]

Renate,
So glad to hear of your progress. There is a spiritual writer/speaker named Byron Katie who I like a lot. She suggests we ask ourselves the question "Who would I be without my story?" It sounds like that is where you are now. Who am I without my story of pain?

I agree with everything @Rabscuttle said above. You are on a spiritual journey and it will become easier for you now without your TMS symptoms. I remember that stage and there is a sense of loss of identity that requires constructing a new one. It felt like being a toddler learning how to walk through a new phase of life. What a great opportunity! Most people never make it to this point. Continue to have faith in yourself and something bigger than you, and you will continue to move forward into a new and exciting future.

 

[Volcano1963]

what it feels like when you come out of survival mode

Wow, that sounds like how i felt when i retired. My friends gone, my purpose gone, my fight for survival won, now just a blank slate. I wonder if some of the resources for making a happy life after retirement might be useful?

 

[Cactusflower]

I haven’t found any article about what it feels like when you come out of survival mode and the panic around the pain is gone (thanks to Maggie Sterling’s videos, I’ve managed to reach that point). Or maybe I just haven’t found the right post?

It feels like being released from prison, like the job is gone, the partner is gone, and meanwhile it’s as if the internet had just been invented (just as an example). I thought there would be great joy and relief, but instead I feel disoriented. I keep asking myself: who am I without my pain? What do I do with my life?

The pain isn’t gone, but it is much better. I’m no longer identified with it and I’m able to do more. Only now am I able to look back on the past 15 years—and especially on what happened between me and other people. And that is very painful.

I have lost friends and acquaintances, and I received very little support from family and others. That makes me so sad, and this feeling of loneliness is now also very difficult for me. I do have friends and acquaintances, but they didn’t understand my pain and still don’t understand what this phase of recovery is like.

At the moment I’m looking for a good therapist, but in the meantime I really would need support. Are there informations about this stage of healing? Or can anyone here personally share how they experienced this phase?I would be very grateful!! Thank you!

Great Post!
Dani Fagan who is a TMS coach/yoga instructor deals with a lot of “what are the next step” situations now. She is on social media and offers services/groups etc as well.
I can relate to your post. I still have symptoms but has “weirdness” after the mental suffering eased. I decided to work on things like mindset and attitude. I lost or purposely dropped friend, and realized it’s ok if their relationship did not serve either of us and reminded myself that acquaintances are still a type of friendship even if not active.
I began to do more and find joy in simple transactions with strangers and reveling in momentary connection: holding a door, the cashier at the grocery store, the server where I occasionally eat lunch. I started up old friendships again. I work on my own personal enjoyment of myself and my time.
You can search out new connections: volunteer, take a hobby class or attend a sporting group, joint a choir, improve or theatre group. Head to your local book club or go to community events, community meetings etc. loads of opportunity if you can see the opportunities right there waiting for you. It’s ok to mourn your losses but it’s also ok to see the possibilities.

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

but instead I feel disoriented. I keep asking myself: who am I without my pain? What do I do with my life?

Disoriented is a good word for it! I turned to spirituality like others have mentioned I think mainly because I wondered what other boxes I was trapped in. You're trapped in the medical box and then in large part you reveal that as an illusion (at least when it comes to chronic symptoms - of which most are TMS) - it's like the wizard being revealed in The Wizard of Oz.

It's the road less travelled though so it can be lonely. The other thing too is that returning to life can be scary - part of you gets comfortable with the symptoms (even though the symptoms are anything but), and all of a sudden you're back to the life that likely contributed in large part to the symptoms in the first place. It's a big transition period and takes a lot of courage - your awareness is key so I'm glad for that for you

 

[BloodMoon]

and all of a sudden you're back to the life that likely contributed in large part to the symptoms in the first place.

Yes, this is what I experienced, @Renate. Also, some of the life that “likely contributed to the symptoms in the first place” will probably have been eliminated in your journey thus far, but that can also leave a person feeling that they have a hole to fill.

My advice is to start noticing the little things in life that give you some pleasure or joy—and also things you feel even a small amount of gratitude for. These moments aren’t just “nice”, they’re signals of safety for your nervous system.

Start simple—e.g. savouring your morning cup of tea, feeling the warmth of the mug, actually noticing the taste. Or stepping outside and feeling fresh air, hearing birds, or noticing sunlight. Even things like a warm shower or getting into a comfortable bed all count—and can be things you gently acknowledge with a sense of “this is nice” or “I’m grateful for this.” (I write down 3 things I'm grateful for each day and at the end of the week I go back and read them all, which gives me a lovely boost.)

You might also notice small shifts in your body—moments where tension eases a bit, your breathing slows, or your mind quietens slightly. These are easy to overlook, but they’re signs your system is settling.

Other examples could be:

• Getting absorbed in a TV programme for a few minutes
  
• Cooking something simple and focusing on the process
  
• Sitting after a walk and noticing that grounded feeling
  
• Listening to music and letting your attention rest there
  
• Completing a small task and feeling “that’s enough”

Over time, these small moments of enjoyment and gratitude start to add up. What feels like a “hole” is often just the absence of constant activation—and your system isn’t used to that yet.

If you keep coming back to these simple experiences—especially with a light sense of appreciation—you’re not just filling time, you’re helping your nervous system relearn safety and steadiness. That’s what gradually creates a more stable, sustainable baseline from which you can gradually experiment—add new experiences/activities or revisit old ones that you might have liked at one time and may appreciate or enjoy doing again.

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

Also, some of the life that “likely contributed to the symptoms in the first place” will probably have been eliminated in your journey thus far, but that can also leave a person feeling that they have a hole to fill.

Well said!

 

[Renate]

Hello all you lovely people, reading your replies moved me to tears! Thank you so much for your supportive, loving, and encouraging words!! It has helped me feel less alone. All of your own experiences, ideas, and reminders are so valuable and give me inspiration and the strength to keep going!
We often forget these important, perhaps even small, things that can help fill the void and find a new direction.
I think each of us is on our own "hero's journey," but one thing is certain:we are all heroes!!

 

[Ellen]

Hello all you lovely people, reading your replies moved me to tears! Thank you so much for your supportive, loving, and encouraging words!! It has helped me feel less alone. All of your own experiences, ideas, and reminders are so valuable and give me inspiration and the strength to keep going!
We often forget these important, perhaps even small, things that can help fill the void and find a new direction.
I think each of us is on our own "hero's journey," but one thing is certain:we are all heroes!!

What a beautiful encapsulation of why this Forum exists.